The Things We Do For Love
by Tabitha craft
Summary: It is Joey's first day at Worthington and her roommate doesn't show up. However, Pacey does show up and Joey suggests he takes the spare bed. A/U J and P never dated.
1. Chapter 1

**This is one of the first fics I wrote so updates may take a little longer as I edit it ready for posting. It's also one of my favourites.**

**This is set during the first year at university. Pacey and Joey never dated although his feelings, her confusion etc all happened. Dawson and Joey all happened as on the show. I hope you like. Title is from a great 10cc song. Not my favourite 10cc song but great none the less. Please read, reply and I'll update. Thanks, Tab**

**Chapter 1**

As the Worthington campus came into view, Joey tightened her grip on the bag she'd kept on her lap the entire journey. The knapsack contained all her college information relating to enrolment and her dorm. Beside her Bodie turned and grinned, and with a supportive pat on the shoulder pulled into the campus and began the hunt for a parking space.

'Tell me again how the elevator can be out of order on the day they know everyone is arriving?' Joey asked for the twentieth time as she trudged another load of stuff up the stairs.

After eight trips up and down the stairs Joey was decidedly weary, even if Bodie was annoyingly unfazed. After a further agonising hour, all Joey's stuff was finally installed in the twin room that would be hers for the next year. With a grin and a hug Bodie was suddenly gone, having made an arrangement to meet an old school friend, and Joey was faced with the lonely task of finding a home for all the items it had felt so necessary to bring from home.

* * *

Joey flopped on her neatly made bed exhausted. Looking at her watch for the twentieth time she wondered where her roommate was and who on earth she would be. Having spent most of her youth either sharing a room with Bessie, or with living room furniture, Joey wasnt particularly worried about the part when they were asleep, more the moments when they were awake. Joey was no fool and knew full well that she could be tenacious to say the least. Standing up Joey straightened the corner of her bed spread for the umpteenth time and opened the door to peer down the corridor yet again at the mass of parents helping much loved offspring unpack. Joey felt a million eyes on her and smiled shyly, a vague hello on her lips before retreating back into her room with the safety of a closed door between her and potential friends.

* * *

'You still all alone?' Bodie asked peering round the door. Joey practically pounced on him desperate for conversation after a few stilted conversations near the toilets.

'Thank god you're back! Everyone is sharing fond parental farewells and I'm still roommateless. You can't leave me here alone!' Joey gripped his arm which he gently disengaged.

'I can and I will,' Bodie gave her a wicked grin as she dragged on his hand as he headed for the door. 'I just called through to say goodbye!'

'You've barely said hello!' Joey protested.

'Goodbye Joey!'

'Please,' she was pleading now and she knew it.

'I'll see you soon, ok? You'll be good. Just play nice with the rich kids and they'll love you. And make sure you call, ok?'

'Ok,' a pout formed on her lips in defeat as she reached up to hug him goodbye.

Staring forlornly down the hallway at Bodies departing figure Joey didn't notice the girl sidle up to her in the corridor.

'Is that your boyfriend?' her voice was sweet and girly.

'Him?' Joey stared at the girl,'more my brother-in-law. He's my sisters partner. They have a son together.' Joey rushed her words suddenly feeling nervous under the elegant girls scrutiny. Tall and blond, the girl oozed confidence and wealth.

'Oh,' she murmured. 'So do you have a boyfriend?' she clarified.

'Sort of,' Joey was a little taken aback by the girls upfront questioning.

'I'm Tina,' the girl stuck out her hand which Joey shook.

'Joey.'

'Let's go drink coffee while you explain about your sort of boyfriend and I tell you about my most definite boyfriend. My roommate is a complete bitch. We've been here three hours and I hate her already.'

'Right,' Joey allowed herself to be led down the corridor, weighing up how likely it might be that Tina was the bitch and her roommate wasn't. Berating herself she reminded herself of the promise she'd made herself and Dawson to not judge too quickly, the way she'd always been judged.

* * *

Two hours later Joey shut her door with relief, inwardly hoping that everyone at Worthington wouldn't be as nasty and self-orientated as Tina. For two hours they had talked, or Tina had talked. Joey had only mentioned Dawsons name before the subject was changed and they'd not ever discussed the sort of nature of their relationship. Flopping down on her bed Joey questioned why she had described her relationship as sort of. They hadn't been together for such a long time after the first two ill-fated attempts and then separation anxiety got the better of them and they had got closer despite the fact that all the gaps and flaws about them as a couple were still there. Both she and Dawson had felt scared and were clinging to the comfort of the past. Joey had wanted to feel that security and one thing had led to another. The problem was Joey couldn't shake the feeling that maybe it shouldn't have.

Things hadn't got physically serious, but with Dawson everything had to move so fast and Joey had allowed it to. If only she could get to the crux of her feelings for him the situation might have clarity, but with Dawson there were just so many words that clarity was damn near impossible. Sighing to herself Joey rolled onto her stomach jumping at the tap on the door. Dragging herself from the bed she moved to answer it, her heart sinking to see Tina standing there.

'You left your id in my room,' Tina smiled and handed the card over. Joey told herself sternly to never, ever do that again. 'I was thinking we should head out tonight.'

'Really?' Joey looked at her watch feeling boring. It was only nine but she felt like getting under her covers, falling asleep and waking up back in High School.

'Yeah, you know, start as we mean to go on.'

'I've got a class first thing tomorrow,' Joey protested.

'You're not one of those scholarship kids?' Tina scowled in disapproval.

'I'm afraid so,' Joey tilted her head, her smile sarcastic.

'Not that there's anything wrong with being on a scholarship it's just they make life so dull,' Tina rushed to cover up. 'Anyway, if you change your mind my roommate Monica and I are heading to a party in some guys dorm on the second floor.'

'You and Monica getting on better?' Joey asked.

'I suppose she's ok,' Tina conceded. Joey was about to go back into her room but Tina was stood staring dumbly. Joey felt a heavy weight land on her shoulders and arms go about her neck.

'And how's my favourite girl?' the gruff voice asked in her ear. Tina was suddenly going nowhere.

'Uggggh, you!' Joey groaned.

'Now is that anyway to treat a person? I ask you!'

'You like it,'Joey muttered figuring he must with his dogged pursuit of a friendship with her. Pacey grinned charmingly at Tina as Joey headed into her room with a wave at Tina.

'She's absolutely right. I love it when she treats me mean.' As the door closed behind her (damn those fire doors) Joey pressed her ear to the door only to hear Tina asking Pacey if he was Joey's sort-of boyfriend and then telling him all about the party, when he answered in the negative. In disgust she flopped back down on her bed, something that was becoming a familiar ritual of despair in a very short time.

It was a full five minutes, five minutes filled with Joey wishing she'd not left in the first place, before the door swung open and Pacey stalked into the room.

'That has to be the meanest girl I've ever met!' he stated as the door slammed behind him. 'Barring you of course,' he grinned gallantly before flopping onto the bed beside her, landing half on top of her due to lack of space.

'Pacey,' Joey protested, 'do you always have to be so close?'

'Small bed, big me,' was all he said totally unperturbed.

'If she's such a mean girl how come you took her number?' Joey arched an eyebrow at him, relenting to the proximity.

'You know me Potter. Totally attracted to mean girls. They make me weak,' Pacey gave her a wink and looked around the room giving Joey time to put two and two together, knowing she never did. 'Nice pad you've got here. I see they've even given you a spare bed for when Dawson comes to visit.'

'So droll,' Joey scowled not liking the slight on her sexual experience or lack there of.

'Seriously Jo, where's the roommate?'

'Seriously Pacey, I don't know,' her scowl deepened.

'You called Dawson yet?'

'No,' Joey found her irritation growing. Why did everyone think she'd call Dawson straight away?

'So you've just been hanging out here tidying?' Pacey gave her one of those deeply intense stares, the kind that made her uncertain how well she knew him and made her suddenly not irritated at all.

'Yeah I've spent the last six hours in mind numbing boredom, well four if you don't count the excruciating hour and forty-five minutes I spent with Tina, or the measly ten minute goodbye I shared with Bodie, or the five minutes I've spent painfully conversing with you.'

'Though this interaction hasn't been totally enjoyable I wouldn't call it painful.'

'What would you call it?' a pout painted her lips again.

'Normal?' Pacey suggested with a quick grin. 'However, lets get to the point - with four hours of boredom you still havent picked up the phone to your boyfriend?'

'Why does everyone keep calling him my boyfriend and why do they assume we have to speak every day?' Joey bit out before she could stop herself. For some reason it didn't feel right to talk to Pacey about her and Dawson and not because of loyalty to Dawson.

'Maybe because you were pretty inseparable for the last few days,' Pacey was suddenly serious and the slump in his mood made Joey feel tired all of a sudden.

'He needed a friend,' Joey said sombrely.

'No Joey. He needed you and selfless as always you gave him you,' Pacey wasn't looking at her, more staring at his hands.

'And what does that mean?' Joey felt the anger and irritation bubble up again.

'Nothing,' Pacey muttered. 'I should go.' Rolling off the bed and onto his feet Pacey smoothed out his rumpled baggy clothes. Joey felt the departure of his warm body keenly, now that she was faced with the prospect of being alone again.

'Stay,'she said quickly and then blushed, remembering an awkward conversation from a couple of summers before when Pacey had told her he was going to sail to the Florida Keyes. She'd asked why he was going. They'd been so close then and she'd enjoyed time with him so much. She'd felt so confused about him, not that he'd ever known. He'd told her he needed to get some breathing room but if she asked him to stay he would. Not sure what he'd meant, nor capable of dealing with the implication she'd told him it wasn't her decision and she couldn't ask that of him and he'd left, leaving her bereft and even less certain.

When he returned he'd put more of distance into their friendship. They were close and she knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for her, but they began to spar more frequently, and they played on the notion that they hated one another again. Whatever had been between them may have still been there or it may not have been, but Pacey didn't allow her close enough to find out, and something about his cool and calm exterior made Joey nervous and uncharacteristically shy around him and the banter made her comfortable. At her words Pacey had turned back to her and for several moments they stared at one another making Joey wonder whether his mind had also turned back to the conversation two summers before. Then he grinned, that cocky self-assured grin of his.

'Is Joey Potter feeling a little lonely?' he asked. 'Do you need me to stay and hold your hand?'

'God,' Joey dropped her head in frustration. 'I don't know what's worse. Being alone and homesick or having you here annoying me but making me feel safe.'

'I make you feel safe?' his voice had dropped, the tone immediately sexy and intimate. Joey didn't look up because the way Pacey made her feel was just so unpredictable.

'Yes you do and don't gloat,' she said instead, her voice small.

'How can I gloat over something as nice as that, hey?' Pacey murmured sitting on the edge of the bed and putting a hand in the tangle of her hair, his fingers gently caressing the strands. With wide eyes Joey looked at him and there was nothing but sincerity in the familiar face looking back at her. 'You really feeling homesick?' his hand continued to tenderly touch each strand of hair.

'Will you think I'm pathetic if I say yes?'

'Of course not Jo. You could never be pathetic. You're amazing. You set your heart on Worthington and here you are. That's amazing and if anyone is allowed a few moments to get used to all the remarkable things happening to her it's you! Jo, you'll be good, you know that!' Pacey stared at her and Joey stared back.

'How is it you can annoy me to distraction and then say exactly what I need to hear?'

'Either innate ability with difficult women or knowing you so well!' Pacey teased and when she gave him a mock glare he grinned irregardless. 'It could always be a mixture of the two!'

'And there's the bit of you that annoys me to distraction!' Joey groaned resting her head on her arms enjoying the soothing sensation of Paceys fingers running through her hair and the weight of his arm on her back.

'So you're not going to the party downstairs?' he asked at length moving his hand from her hair to rest absently on her back.

'I have class tomorrow,' Joey explained.

'And you only got here today. Give your self a break Jo. Crack the whip another night. Tonight you deserve to chill.' The sound of the phone ringing broke the silence. Joey answered and Pacey gazed around the room absently as she spoke. There wasn't a lot of Joey in the space yet. Sure there were books, wherever there was Joey there would be books, a large map of the world, a poster by Gauguin of two Tahiti women on a river bank that he had given her. But her bedspread was plain light blue and worn, of course. The lamp beside her bed was an old one of Bessie's. Joey hung up the phone and frowned,

'What's up?'

'Apparently I won't be getting a roommate. Not soon anyway.'

'Oh. Well that's even more reason to come tonight - you know meet some people.'

'But everyone has someone to go with. I have no roommate apparently!'

'You have me,' Pacey suggested and suddenly Joey was more in the mood for a party.

* * *

The dorm rooms a couple of floors down were jammed with people. Joey was pretty certain it must be illegal to have so many people in such a small space but she was trying to go with the flow. There were people in every inch of available space but she and Pacey managed to squeeze in regardless. People smiled at her and introduced themselves and somewhere along the short walk down the corridor she and Pacey had been given beers. Taking a long slurp of the alcoholic beverage for more confidence, Joey smiled charmingly at everyone.

Joey was jammed next to Pacey near the connecting doorway between the two dorms hosting the party. She'd had a few conversations with some girls but it was the guys who kept coming up to talk to her. Joey was quite happy to enjoy the attention but found herself becoming shy and almost thankful when Pacey introduced himself allowing the guys to assume that he might be her boyfriend. Of course Pacey never said anything like that, because he wasn't her boyfriend, but they were forced to stand so close due to lack of room and they were clearly at the party together when everyone else had come with a roommate of the same sex as them. Joey absently wondered where Tina was.

'I think I'm ruining your first day bonding here,' Pacey practically shouted in her ear.

'In what way?' she shouted back.

'The guys want to chat you up and they're not chatting you up because they think you have a boyfriend.'

'I do have a boyfriend,' Joey reminded him. 'Or sort of anyway.'

'Of course, the guy you don't want to call,' Pacey chided her knowing her consumption of alcohol had been at a level that would mean she'd tolerate is impertinence, or at least that's what his consumption of alcohol told him.

'Pacey, let me remind you that you don't go to this university. In fact you're not even a university student - I could very easily have you kicked off the campus,' she arched a drunken brow at him.

'As if you would,' Pacey looked at her flirtatiously.

'That look may work on other girls, but not on me. I'm not like other girls,' she shook her head with distaste.

'And don't I know it,' he muttered in response.

'And what is that supposed to mean?' her hands were on her hips and her eyes were flashing dangerously.

'I meant that your strangely immune to my charm,' Pacey tried to diffuse the sudden tension.

'So sweet,' Joey told him unexpectedly looking up at him with adoration.

'Why's that Potter?' Pacey was suspicious.

'So sweet that you care in that way - I didn't know to be perfectly honest Pace,'Joey shrugged graciously still batting her eyes at him.

'And who's to say I care in that way?' his heart was hammering but he was playing the self-assured cad.

'You!' she flashed him a triumphant smile. 'After all you said yourself that you've tried that charm of yours on me! And it never works so perhaps more than once?'

'I like a challenge,' he looked into her face with teasing eyes. 'Its got nothing to do with those eyes of yours and nothing to do with that vampish personality.'

'I'd rather be vampish than chronically moronic,' Joey was decidedly offended.

'Now dont go getting your panties all in a twist,' Pacey told her with a laugh.

'You shouldn't even be thinking about my underwear!' Joey was horrified.

'Calm yourself little miss,' Pacey urged her breathing into her ear and suddenly again there was a moment that she didnt quite understand. How Pacey could be leaning against her and she could not want him to move. But of course he did move and give her a big wink. Too frustrating, they both thought inwardly about the other.

* * *

'You're drunk Potter - I think you've blown any chance of making it to that first class,' Pacey strolled up to her where she was sat chatting to a number of girls who eyed him greedily.

'This is Pacey,' she told the girls under lowered brows, her voice conspiratorial. 'He's my roommate.'

Pacey stopped in his bold and brazen steps to double check he'd heard her right.

'You got lucky,' one girl muttered.

'I don't get it another,' admitted looking at the tall man with a smile to die for and eyes for the brunette, mouth slightly ajar as he stared at her.

'Well my name is Josephine, but you see I go by Joey - mistakes were made concerning gender and it's hardly as though Pacey is a name that's gender specific...'

'Way to charm Potter,' Pacey was resting against her from behind and the girls marvelled at the easiness of what was apparently a new friendship or acquaintance.

'Are you going to complain?' one girl asked Joey and Pacey gave her a heart broken look. 'Not that you're horrible - I just cant imagine sharing with a man.'

'Pacey's not a man,'Joey laughed as if the girl had made a joke, 'he's more moron than man!'

'And you're a prude,' Pacey told her tightening his grip around her slender shoulders. The girls in the group exchanged a look uncertain about these two.

'He only says that because this guy is a serious womanizer - he's had at least five or ten serious girlfriends from what I could gather,' Joey shook her head.

'Two actually Potter. And at least I'm not dating or semi-dating a man who can't sleep with me.'

'Dawson could sleep with me any time he wants,' Joey turned to Pacey with a furious glare.

'Sure,' he just rolled his eyes.

'What do you mean, "sure?"' Joey was apoplectic. 'How do you know we've not?' she demanded.

'Because you don't want to,'Pacey summarised with ease.

'And how would you know that?' the entire group was watching but she didn't care - Pacey always made her stop caring.

'Lets leave it,' Pacey was suddenly more aware than ever of the watching eyes.

'I don't want to leave it,' she pouted.

'We better get going,' he waved goodbye to the girls as did Joey.

'Now tell me,' she growled as they climbed the stairs.

'Because I know girls like you Joey - you're a proverbial ice queen - you don't want to give it up because it scares you to death.'

'Well...whatever,' Joey stood still.

'No witty come back?' he tilted his head to the side.

'You might be right,' she shrugged drunkenly and he laughed.

'Lets go home Potter,' Pacey said after a beat.

'Ok Pace,' she gave him a drunken nod and he wrapped his arm around her as they continued up the stairs.

* * *

'You told them I was your roommate, Jo - what got into you?' Pacey asked as he lay her down on the bed and then took the minimal space remaining.

'To much alcohol,' she groaned slightly as the room span.

'So I'm your roommate now?'

'I figured it would be cheaper for you than renting? In fact you can help me with rent,'Joey closed her eyes. 'I mean I've known you my whole life. I know all your faults, annoying character traits, your flaws. You're a safer bet than some strange girl besides which you smell good,' she turned to bury her face in his chest and sniffed indulgently.

'And if a real roommate turns up?' his voice didn't quite belong to him as she sniffed at him, her hands on his chest.

'You're out - no harm no foul.'

'There's nothing like the feeling of tenancy certainty,' Pacey teased softly as Joeys breathing evened out. He thought she had drifted off when she spoke,

'You know, i thought we were past all the mean banter...earlier we cut it close,' she whispered and he brushed the hair off her face.

'You taught me this Potter - you've got to read between the banter. Sometimes the banter is the best way to find out what's going on in that mysterious head of yours,' Pacey watched the gentle rise a fall of her chest contentedly.

'I like the idea that I'm mysterious,' her breath was warm on his chest.

'Believe me you're a mystery to me and I've known you my whole life!' Pacey continued to stroke the soft skin of her cheek and she murmured appreciatively.

'Dawson once said he knew everything about me - no surprises.'

'Then Dawson is a fool!'

* * *

Pacey had been kicked into his bed at some time around four am. Kicked being the operative word. Joey, in her drunken state, had kicked furiously for more room resulting in Pacey landing in a dazed and confused heap on the floor. Begrudgingly he'd dragged himself to the bed opposite pulling a spare blanket from Joeys closet and making a mental note to get himself a quilt.

Morning dawned and the late Autumn sunshine thankfully spilled into the rooms on the other side of the building. Pacey had set Joeys alarm for her and it shrilled far too loudly at seven. A groan chorused from her bed and she hit around trying to locate the intrusive technology. In an instant Pacey was out of bed and had his hands stilling her thrashing arms.

'No, no, no Potter. No going back to sleep. Today is the first day of the rest of your life,' he admonished. Joey arched a perfect eyebrow and looked at him cynically,

'Why's that? You planning on something big?' she gave him a very suggestive look in his opinion.

Momentarily flustered and flummoxed Pacey said nothing as she tore herself from the warm cocoon of her bed. In one fluid motion Pacey had taken her place.

'My bed,' Joey scowled through bleary eyes.

'You in college, my day off, nice and warm,' Pacey grinned and closed his eyes. 'I'm doing you a favour - without me you'd have missed your first class.'

Joey stared at the man who reminded her of the little boy she'd known so well. The kiss on his cheek was so light he thought he might have imagined it but when he opened his eyes her face was there before him.

'What's that for?' his voice was gruff.

'To say thank you for checking on me, taking me to the party - for bringing me home and for making sure I don't miss my first class.'

'What is your first class?' Pacey asked suddenly interested, leaning on his elbow.

'History 101,' Joey still hadn't moved.

'You think they'd notice if you snuck me in?' Pacey wanted to see what it was all about. His interest had got the better of him - history had always been a subject he enjoyed. granted, not always when it was taught by Capeside Highs finest. He knew he wasnt college material but that didn't mean he wasn't interested in college material. Sure he liked food and boats better but he could definitely appreciate a little history every now and then.

'You really want to come to my class?' Joey had wrinkled her nose adorably.

'Whats history 101 involve?'

'American history the early stuff. Pocahontas and all that jazz,' she shrugged slightly.

'Damn,' Pacey groaned.

'Damn?'

'Yeah that sounds cool and now I've got to leave my nice warm bed.'

'My nice warm bed,' Joey clarified.

'Of course,' he couldn't shake the grin plastered all over his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_**Communication is the problem to the answer.**_

History 101 was packed by enthusiastic freshmen. Worthington classes were small on a comparative scale with other universities but History 101 wasn't a specialist class and most freshmen had to take it, so sneaking Pacey in wasn't a problem - they didn't even need to sneak. A register wasn't taken, merely a form passed round for people to sign. Rather boldly Pacey scrawled his name and gave Joey a grin.

'Joey isn't it?' Monica asked. Tina's roommate was stood shyly looking down at her. Quickly Joey shoved her bag on the floor and patted the seat next to her.

'Yeah, you're Monica, right?'

'That's right. I didn't get to talk to you last night - I barely made it here this morning,' Monica admitted.

'Me either, but Pacey wasn't having any of the hang over excuses,' Joey underlined the heading in her book.

'I'm Pacey by the way,' he stuck a hand in front of Joey purposely brushing his arm along her breasts as he shook Monica's hand. He didn't miss the barely audible gasp from Joey.

'You're Joeys what?' Monica queried looking between the two of them.

'Not my boyfriend, my roommate,' Joey quickly explained the situation using the same name excuse for the mix-up.

'Can't we just tell people we went to high school together?' Pacey hissed in her ear.

'No that's just not plausible, yeah _the college messed up and put a boy in my room, just so happens he's one of my best friends from high school_,' Joey hissed back sarcastically.

'And that's why you're in college and I'm not,' Pacey grinned.

'Keep your voice down we don't want everyone to know that,'Joey scowled and turned back to Monica with a big smile. 'So where are you from?'

'New Jersey', Monica frowned slightly. 'Small town New Jersey.'

'Small town Massachusetts,' Joey agreed liking Monica immediately.

'And you Pacey?' Monica asked.

'Me? I'm from the Big Apple,' he ignored Joey pinching him, relishing the chance to make up a new past.

'Wow,' Monica looked at him, admiring the way his t-shirt seemed to hug his muscled body.

'I like it,' he leaned annoyingly near to Joey as he spoke to Monica. 'So what's small town New Jersey like?'

'Like all the rumours - there's not a lot to do,' Monica shrugged blushing under Pacey's attention. 'Of course I loved it. I've got good friends -we had fun on our own terms, you know.'

'Big family little family?' Pacey asked and both he and Joey looked at Monica.

'Honestly? Huge family. My parents are Catholic and there are eight of us kids. The rest are all younger than me.'

'Wow,' Joey stared at the girl trying to imagine that many children in one family.

'Five,' Pacey gave the girl a wink.

'At least I know how to shower quick,' Monica joked and Pacey laughed. Monica took the opportunity to turn back to Joey, keen to not alienate the girl who seemed nice. She wanted Joey as a friend and being attracted to her roommate wasn't the best way to get acquainted. 'What about you Joey? What do your parents do?' Such an innocent question Joey knew that, but it was the question she had dreaded since arriving. Unseen Pacey squeezed her arm reaching for her hand. He wanted to save her, but this was Joeys gig not his. She wouldn't thank him because she was doing this for herself he couldnt shadow her attempts to grow up.

'My sister and I run a B&B,' she began, but she liked Monica and it might be easiest to be honest. 'Well my dad, he's a narcotics trader,' she smiled nervously.

'As in a pharmacist?' Monica asked and both Pacey and Joey almost laughed. It wasnt a naive question just an interesting slant on Mike Potters job.

'Not exactly - an illegal narcotics trader, as in a drug dealer, one safely stowed in the state penitentiary,' Joey smiled brightly, 'and as my mother passed away...'

'You and your sister run the B&B,' Monica summarized.

'Exactly,' she and Pacey breathed a sigh of relief.

'So you live with your sister?' Monica clarified.

'Yeah and her boyfriend, and my little nephew,' and although Monica had reacted well Joey saw that look, the look she hated, the one that seemed to say "I don't know what to say now."

'Let me correct you there Potter, you live with me now your wonderful, charming and ever so handsome new roommate!' and there was Pacey coming to her rescue. Joey laughed and so did Monica.

'It wasn't easy growing up but I bet it'll be a breeze compared to living with him,' Joey joked and the tension evaporated. 'Now tell me more about you?'

* * *

History 101 was over and Joey and Pacey were wondering out of the building heading for lunch with Monica when a blond attacked them closely followed by a Jack grinning broadly.

'Joey, Pacey, oh my god I'm so pleased to see you,' Jen threw an arm around them both. 'I heard rumour that you two went to a party last night. Where was my invitation?'

'You heard? There's a college grapevine already? We go to different universities,' Joey stared at her friend in something akin to horror.

'Joey youve got to learn how these things work. A girl in my dorm, Sasha, she disappeared last night. Apparently she headed over here to see her boyfriend and went to a kick ass party missing our own kick ass party I might mention!'

'Thats a grapevine,' Joey looked helplessly at Pacey.

'Yeah I heard all about the terrible mix-up Jo, you getting stuck with a guy, again! Will this college never learn,' Jen smiled impishly.

'Again?' Monica asked and Joey made introductions.

'Joey came for an orientation weekend. She was put with a boy then as well,'Jen explained.

'I don't get why you don't complain Jo,' Jack shook his head and grinned at Pacey.

'Well it could be worse,' Joey stumbled over her words.

'Worse than Pacey?' Jen was incredulous. 'No offence big boy,' she teased.

'Ok I don't get something, if you guys are friends,' Monica pointed to Jen, Jack and Joey, 'how do you know Pacey when he's from New York?'

'Oh that's easy,' Joey breezed and Jen looked at her in surprised pleasure, 'Jens originally from New York and had the misfortune to go to school with Pace there. She took Jack to New York so they could head to some gay bars and Jack met Pacey there.' Jack and Jen laughed.

'You're gay?' it was Pacey that Monica turned to.

'Hey,' Jack protested. 'Why don't I get the same surprise? I'm not exactly camp central!'

'Course you're not sweetie,' Jen kissed his cheek.

'I'm not gay, I went out to see Jen because she was back in town and they happened to be going to a gay bar,' Pacey gave Joey a glare that said smart ass.

'But you two never met?' Monica looked at Pacey who was leaning on Joey with complete ease, his hands on her shoulders.

'Nope,' Joey quickly stated. 'When I went to New York with Jen, Pacey had come to visit Jack in Capeside you know, to bond.' Monica's eyes jumped to Pacey again.

'I'm not gay, and stop laughing man,' Pacey told Jack thwacking his chest with the back of his hand.

* * *

'Joey there's like twenty messages on the machine from Dawson,' Pacey told her as she entered the room. After lunch Pacey had snuck into her politics lecture and then when she'd gone off with Monica to the library he'd headed to find a quilt store and pick up some stuff from the boat where he had been temporarily lodging. Joey scowled at the information.

'What are you doing?' she asked, surprised to see Pacey sat scribbling at one of the desks.

'Nothing,' Pacey covered the paper but Joey was then by his side and nudging his arm out the way.

'You're doing the assignment for History 101?' she asked faintly. Pacey was always surprising her.

'Yeah,' he was sheepish. 'Do you mind?'

'Of course I don't mind, though I wish I'd thought to simply attend classes, you know instead of paying fees.' She was teasing but there was a softness to it that made him want to hug her.

'In an ideal world I'd want to take a history specialist class. It was never this interesting at school,' Pacey told her slightly embarrassed.

'We'll have to see what we can do then,' Joey put a hand in his hair reading his work. 'This is good you know, a few grammatical errors but good. Though a word of advice type the thing.'

'No access to computer room - no library card,' Pacey shrugged.

'Ok well I got the books out we need,' she turned and retrieved them from the bag. 'Lets get the assignment done then I'll type them up. They're only short.'

'This probably won't work,' Pacey sighed. 'I mean, how could I possibly keep up with the students here?'

'I have no doubt you're smarter than a lot of them, not me of course, it's more the legal side of things,' Joey frowned as Pacey smirked.

'I know... And to be fair they'll probably realize soon enough that I don't actually go here.'

'So when they do, stop going to classes and stop submitting the assignments, or maybe just put in a legitimate application.'

'Maybe if I prove myself until they realize, the legitimate application may actually have some success?' he suggested.

'Yeah, I agree. Especially after high school,' Joey teased him.

'So what about the politics assignment?' Pacey asked at length.

'Ok,' Joey seemed to be thinking. 'What are you going to do about work at the restaurant?' she asked.

'I'll keep working, I don't know that I'll work as much. They're training me to be a chef, that's a good thing I guess. I'll see if I can do one day on the weekend and a Wednesday there are no classes on a Wednesday right?'

'Right,' Joeys head was churning. 'A couple of evenings to. You could cut back if it becomes too much.'

'So if I do two days and a couple of nights a week? That should work. They only wanted me part time anyway.'

'Ok that's good. If you half my rent with me then I can save half my rent and if you have any money we can put it towards a computer,' she was mentally calculating. 'On second thoughts I'll pay the rent here until you save up enough for a cheep computer. Deal?' she stuck out her small hand and he took it in his.

'Deal.'

'Good, now here are some books. You're ok with referencing?'

'Should be.'

'This book is great,' Joey passed him a book that he took up, reading slowly trying to take it all in.

* * *

Pacey looked around the intimate room and wondered how he had ended up studying with some of the smartest and richest kids in America. But he had ended up at Worthington with Joey and he was keeping up with her and everyone else. It was interesting how such an old institution could be so easily mislead. Pacey attended the classes, signed his name and suddenly he was receiving post from the college about his time-table telling him he needed to specialise in one subject. Grinning at Joey he'd signed up for the history classes, whilst simultaneously looking into loans, and filling in an application. It wasn't easy for him and he didn't always get the best grades, but he wasn't failing. He was managing a consistent average of B, with the occasional A when he had more time, and more importantly he was enjoying the classes. The restaurant was going well and living with Joey well that was interesting.

The routine had developed easily and quickly. Within a month of living together they were predictable, and frighteningly unpredictable. Joey's alarm would sound and she would smash at it. Pacey would wonder over and switch off the offensive beeping, and then stick on the kettle. Waking Joey with coffee was something if a quick discovery. On the few occasions he'd tried to force her from bed without caffeine he'd walked away a little bruised in ego, and body, and so a kettle was his first investment. Coffee made, he'd sit on her bed and shake her awake, adoring her sleepy silkiness. Bleary eyed she'd sit up in bed and blindly reach for the coffee he'd place in her hands.

'Morning gorgeous,' he'd always greet her.

'Mmmmm Pace,' she'd murmur, happily breathing in the coffee aroma.

They'd chat about the day and then they'd head off to shower. They would meet back in their room clean and dressed.

'It's cold outside today so don't forget your scarf,' he'd say.

'Don't forget your notes from last week. You left them on the desk,' she'd help out.

They would head to class together and then meet up with friends for lunch. At least three times a week they'd head off campus and towards Boston U so they could meet up with Jen and Jack and their crowd of friends. Pacey only had one afternoon class with Joey, and so it was usually in the dinner canteen that they met up again. Joey would be sat chatting to someone, often Monica, and Pacey would have to remind himself she wasn't his, that she was off limits. After dinner they'd work on their assignments, catch up on reading and then they'd go to a party or hang out.

When Pacey was working at the restaurant Joey was either off having fun or catching up on things. Sometimes she was sleeping soundly when he got home and he would indulgently watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest, marvelling at the slope of her forehead, the perfection of her cheekbones, the fullness of her lips. To look at her was sometimes painful - she was so beautiful and Pacey didnt always know how to handle that and his want of her.

On other occasions, her bed was empty, and he'd look to his bed and there would be a thoughtful note telling him just where to find everyone if he wasn't too tired. He was never too tired to miss an opportunity with her and so he'd join them.

One day on the weekend was free and they'd meet up with Jen and Jack, or head out with Monica or some of the others in their classes. Sometimes Pacey would take just Joey out for the day as a surprise. They'd visit the emerald necklace parks or a museum, or they'd take in a movie or go bowling. Pacey adored treating her to little surprises and she always seemed so happy and carefree. It was simple.

There were lots of little things that Joey did that simply took his breath away. Little things she wasn't even aware of. She would always bring him tea when he was struggling with an essay and gently pass on advice, almost so he didn't realise it was happening. If he was tired from work she gave him space or a piece of cake would magically appear. If she got back from the shower before him she'd make his bed, or she'd mark interesting things in books for him to look at. The shared computer was now installed and Joey was forever changing the scrolling screen saver so he had a surprise message waiting for him. He would always change it for her and it was a game that made them look forward to settling down to work. There other things as well. When his toiletries ran out new ones seemed to magically appear. So used to taking care of herself, Joey adapted easily to taking care of him.

However, the best moments were when she revealed something about herself that he didn't know. Like the fact that she liked to paint her toenails pink throughout winter so that when she was in her pyjamas she could look down and see satisfyingly pink toenails poking out. He knew she liked to read trashy books as well. She hadn't been able to keep that a secret for long and he loved her for it. Sure, she might read the great works of literature most of the time, but he knew the Joey Potter that liked to read sexy, love stories and that made him smile inside.

'Why are you so surprised?' she'd asked a little hurt.

'You like porn,' he'd grinned wickedly then flopped on her bed beside her.

'It's not porn it's literature!'

'Erotic literature,' he'd pointed out.

'So I'm not allowed to enjoy sex because I'm a virgin?' she'd growled at him.

'I think thats an oxymoron Jo,' he'd laughed loudly.

I think you're the moron,' she'd nudged him in irritation at his nearness.

'And you're the porn fiend!'

'It's not porn!' she was practically on top of him in frustration.

There were other sweet things she'd do. If a song she loved came on the radio she'd dance around the room, looking like a little girl, totally relaxed in his company and he'd rarely seen her totally relaxed. She'd never been able to fully relax in Capeside with everyone watching and gossiping. Pacey found other revealing traits, such as the fact that she adored matching underwear, and that she colour co-ordinated her wardrobe so everything of one colour was in the same place. Pacey loved all of the oddities he was discovering that made up Joey Potter. But of course it wasn't all fun.

They argued like cat and dog, the banter whipping around the room like a hurricane.

'Moron,' she'd shout.

'Prude,' he'd shout back, the oldies were always their favourites.

She was infuriating a lot of the time. She wanted to listen to alternative and he wanted rock. She wanted the light off when he wanted it on. She liked clothes neatly folded away and he liked them dropped on the floor. She said she wasn't his maid and he'd point out he did all their washing and made her coffee every morning. She'd get defensive and he'd have to apologise or live in her wrath. And boy did the girl have wrath. She could cut him down with words and with a look better than anyone he knew. But she was also so adorable, so sweet and she so clearly cared for him. And so he fell in love with her. He fell in love with the vicious temper, her infuriating opposition to what ever he wanted, as well as her sweetness, her innocence. He fell in love with being irritated by her and he fell in love with all the neuroses that made her unique, that made her Joey Potter. The thing was he was already in love with her when he fell again. He marvelled at the butterfly sensation of falling in love with the same girl over and over again, but never falling out of love with her. Joey was of course oblivious. And then there was Dawson.

'I asked you to check on her Pacey, not move in with her,' Dawson had moaned when Joey had finally called him a few days after their arrival in Boston.

'I know D-man, but this makes sense,' he'd protested.

'How does it make sense? I know you're friends but you hardly get on,' Dawson had sounded like a kid in a candy shop but no money and rotten teeth.

'I needed a place to sleep and she wanted some help with rent. No roommate showed.'

'Pace, I don't know that I like the idea of you sharing a room with my girlfriend. I know what you're like,' Dawson had been frustrated else he would never have said it and Pacey knew that.

'What I'm like?'

'She needs to concentrate on her studies, not be distracted by someone who's bumming around,' Dawson had over stepped the mark.

'Even if I was just bumming around the last thing I'd ever do is stop Joey from studying. For your information this is college and Joey will go out and have a good time whether I'm around or not. We also study together,' he hadn't meant to reveal so much.

'You study what together?' Dawson laughed suddenly.

'I go to classes with her and we do the work for the classes together.'

'You go to Worthington now?' Dawson couldn't hide the shock. He was beyond shocked.

'Not exactly. I go to classes, do the work, take the exams and we'll see what happens when they realise I have no place here,' Pacey shrugged easily.

What was confusing for Pacey was the way Joey was handling Dawson. She seemed constantly frustrated with him. She handled phone calls with some spirit but often wanted to end the calls as quickly as possible. She'd sit on her bed biting her nails and catching Paceys eye as she made short responses to whatever it was Dawson was saying. Of course there were the moments where they were speaking as friends when she seemed to enjoy talking to him, it was when Dawson was trying to be romantic that her heart didnt seem to be in it and yet she stuck with it. Relentlessly.

'Pacey?' the lecturer was looking at him and Pacey realised he hadn't been listening. 'I was asking if you had an opinion about why to simply use the current Oxford dictionary definition of race doesn't work when one is examining history?' Professor Banner looked at him expectantly. Pacey smiled because he and Joey had talked about it the night before.

'I would have to say, Professor Banner, that concepts of race are not unchanging concepts. Race is an alterable concept and its meant different things throughout history - theres even some evidence to suggest that the ancient Greeks didn't distinguish groups into races but distinguished them through social class. Or so Hannaford argues.' Pacey smiled as his teacher stared at him impressed.

'Nicely explained. I'd like you all to write an historical dictionary definition of race for next weeks class,' the class sighed as they wrote down the assignment. 'Good work Pacey,' Professor Banner nodded as Pacey left the class.

'Thanks,' nothing ruin his life as it stood.

* * *

'Joey are you ok?' Pacey had entered the room a bunch of lilies in his hand deciding that his girl deserved a present to thank her for being so wonderful, but she was sat on her bed, knees drawn into her chest and she looked utterly miserable. The hand holding the flowers dropped to his side and he moved so he was sat next to her on the bed.

'You got a date Pace?' she diverted looking at the flowers.

'No these are for you. Lilies are you favourites right?' he was suddenly embarrassed.

'For me?' she sounded child like.

'I wanted to thank you for everything.'

'But I haven't done anything,' Joey touched the large petals one of the flowers carefully. Pacey was mesmerised by her fingers.

'You... you've taken me into this world of yours - you've done everything.'

'You did it Pace,' she told him simply and leant her head on his shoulder enjoying his comforting smell and the warmth of his shoulder.

'You gonna tell me what's up?'

'I thought you were diverted.'

'I'm never diverted,' he insisted.

'Dawson's coming to visit,' she practically spat the words out. 'I should be excited, I should be really excited but all I can think is where's he going to sleep? I mean he cant stay in my bed.'

'Not with the way you kick, no,' Pacey shook his head.

'And he sure isn't stealing your bed,' Joey sighed. 'So he's on the floor which means I'll trip over him or...' she trailed off.

'It's not about sleeping arrangements, is it Jo?'

'No. It's easy to have Dawson as a boyfriend when he's not here, but I think I made a mistake getting back together with him. It wasn't the right thing to do, but I was scared...' tears flooded her eyes and Pacey brushed his thumb under her eye softly.

'And now you're scared because you think if you end it with him you're going tol throw away the friendship part of your relationship. You think there's a chance Dawson will react like Dawson and deny you one part if you reject the other?'

'Yeah?' there was a crooked smile on her face as she wondered how Pacey had come to know her so well.

'Ok Jo. I'm going to make tea because every good crisis needs tea. Then you my girl are going to get on the telephone and tell Dawson your concerns. Just talk to him.'

'Too late - he's on a plane,' Joey bit her lower lip anxiously. Tea forgotten Pacey wrapped his arms around her.

'Then you talk to him when he's here. He may have even grown up! You never know.'

'Pacey,' she looked up at him and then stretched so she could plant a kiss on the still bronzed skin, his stubble tickling her face. 'Thank you for my flowers.'

* * *

Dawson's plane was on time, and when he saw Joey and Pacey waiting in arrivals he immediately swooped Joey into his arms, planting a kiss on her lips. It was painfully obvious, to Pacey at least, that this wasn't the friendly opening she'd wanted. Her arms hung uselessly at her sides and her eyes didn't close. Tactfully she disengaged herself from him. Dawson didn't notice as he hugged Pacey, and then they were off as he told them all about LA, responding to Joeys frequent and nervous questions.

* * *

Pacey felt that their room seemed crowded with Dawson and his sleeping bag. Dawson kept nuzzling Joey's ear and Pacey overheard his whispered, and unsubtle, suggestion that he share her bed. To his utter and complete relief Joey had explained her need to star fish, and pointed to the floor. Clearly disappointed, Dawson had unrolled Pacey's sleeping bag and made eyes at his bed. He had obvious intentions on it.

'So who's the girl for you at the moment?' he asked his friend casually.

'No girl, just study and work,' Pacey shrugged easily pretending that Joey hadn't popped into his head.

'Come on man, Pacey Witter always has a girl! Surely there's tone girl who might accommodate you tonight?' Dawson rolled his eyes to indicate Joey and that he wanted to be alone with her.

'Pacey has to stay here tonight because we need to share books for an assignment,' Joey said quickly. 'Stop trying to push him out of his own room.'

'I'm not trying to push him out of his room, though it is a little weird that he shares a room with my girlfriend, whom I want to spend a little alone time with. Is that really to much to ask?' he looked between them.

'No man. Look, I'll head to Monica's and work there, give you guys some time,' Pacey hated to leave them.

'So there is a girl!' Dawson grinned.

'She's my friend that's all,' Pacey looked at Joey who was staring at the floor. He was talking about Joey but Dawson didn't realise.

* * *

Pacey let himself into the quiet room a few hours later and was surprised to find Joey and Dawson kissing on her bed. Their clothes were still fully on them, and it wasn't exactly a heated situation but they were still kissing. The sight of them was unbearable, but Pacey had to bear it because it was where he lived. Joey jumped away from Dawson when she heard the door close behind Pacey.

'Hey Pace, how was your night?' her voice was timid and a little apologetic.

'It was fine - we got the essay done, had a drink you know,' Pacey couldn't bear to look at her or Dawson.

_So they sorted things out. I knew they'd sort things out. It's Dawson and Joey after all, and they're meant for each other. Or that's what everyone thinks. Destiny, fate and all that. Not that I believe in destiny and fate - I'd rather hold out for true love to come waltzing my way. God Pace you're such a jerk. True love waltzed your way years ago and you stand by, never putting yourself on the line. Where is your courage man? You love her and she loves him, what's the point in courage? _

'Pace,' Joey had moved from Dawson and was stood in front of him.

'Il'l head to the washroom,' Dawson stretched and left the room.

'You ok?' her voice swam over him as she nervously shifted from one foot to the other.

'I'm fine,' he spoke far more harshly than he meant to.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered.

'Why are you sorry?' he looked away from her.

'Why are you upset?' she flashed back.

'I don't get you Jo. You tell me that it doesn't feel right with Dawson, and so I leave you to talk, and when I come back you're all over each other,' Pacey wouldn't look at her.

'We were not all over each other,' she glared at him.

'It doesn't matter if you were, he's your boyfriend,' Pacey glared at a rip in the wallpaper.

'So why won't you look at me?' Joey demanded.

'Three hours with the guy and you're as self-indulgent as him,' Pacey still refused to look at her.

'I'm not being self-indulgent...he's not self-indulgent, Pacey stop being such a moron,' she glared at his unmoving face.

'Don't call me a moron,' suddenly his face was very close to hers. 'I'm not a moron. I'm just sick and tired of this charade.'

'Dawson and I aren't a charade. It's complicated. I need to tell him right and I wanted to make-sure. I didn't want to throw it all away if there was something between us,' Joey struggled to explain. She'd kissed Dawson to see if she could enjoy kissing Dawson, but she just couldn't. Maybe Pacey was right and she was a prude.

'That wasn't the charade I was referring to,' Pacey glowered at her.

'What charade were you referring to?' Joeys eyes flashed.

'Am I interrupting?' Dawson was there as always.

'Absolutely nothing,' Joey tossed Pacey a final dirty look and grabbing her toilet bag headed for the washroom.

'Pacey?'

'Like Joey said - absolutely nothing,' he growled and grabbing his wash bag left the room.

* * *

The alarm crackled through the dim Saturday morning. On reflex Pacey dragged himself out of bed and headed for Joey'. Stilling her angry arms, he switched off the alarm and headed for the kettle tripping over Dawson who merely grunted and turned over. _See I'm perfect for her not you_. Coffee made he headed back to Joey and sat on her bed stroking her arm to waken her.

'Mmmmm Pacey,' she murmured lazily and pushing herself up reached for her coffee.

'Morning gorgeous,' he smiled at her but no smile came back to him.

'I'm sorry for calling a moron. You're not a moron,' she yawned sleepily, 'when I say it it's like a nothing word, just a term I can sling easily at you because you're supposed to know I don't mean it. I don't mean it Pace, you know I don't.'

'I know that Joey. Don't worry - I guess I was a little sensitive,' Pacey brushed some stray hair from her eyes. Joey longed to ask him why. She longed to ask him what the real charade was but she couldn't find the words. Instead she took a grateful slurp of coffee.

'I'm going to tell him today,' she said softly.

'And what are you going to say?' Pacey waited expectantly.

'That when I was kissing him it didn't feel right. That was why I kissed him, to see if I got carried away, you know Pace maybe I am a prude,' she looked at him with wide worried eyes.

'I assure you that you have nothing to worry about Jo. For one thing you're just gorgeous. No one that looks as edible as you would not enjoy being eaten,' he winked and longed to touch her. 'Secondly, did it ever occur to you that maybe the problem rests with Dawson and not you?'

'You saw Dawson with Eve. I don't think he has a problem.'

'Ok... that's not what I meant. For the kinky stuff to work, it's not about the mechanics. You might be doing everything right but still something is missing. It's this weird little thing called chemistry. Maybe you and Dawson have it as friends but you lack it as lovers,' Pacey felt the electricity crackle between them as she stared at him.

'And how do I recognise this chemistry?' Joey asked leaning nearer to him.

'Believe me, when you have it its unavoidable. Every touch, every look -they leave you breathless. It's like a fire burning inside you, a fire that's totally out of control,' Paceys hand had found its way to hers and he was tracing his fingers along hers revelling in the sensations.

'Do I smell coffee?' and there was Dawson. Pacey withdrew his hand from hers.

'In the pot, D-man,' he told him. 'I'll leave you guys,' he said the latter to Joey.

'But you'll be back soon?' she sounded so hopeful.

'Soon. I'm going to head over to Jack's.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**_Like walking in the rain and the snow._**

Joey was perched on her desk looking out the window. When she heard Pacey enter the room she turned and smiled hello.

'Hey you,' he murmured noticing that all traces of Dawson were gone.

'Hey how was Jack?'

'We played some basketball, he was good. He was surprised when I said Dawson was here.'

'Dawson is no longer here,' Joey pointed out the obvious and resumed looking out the window.

'Where's he gone?'

'He's heading to Capeside. To see his parents and Lily,' Joey patted the space of desk beside her and Pacey dutifully sat down. 'I told him.'

'And?' Pacey didn't realise he was holding his breath.

'The anger, the normal Dawson anger when he doesn't get what he wants. He accused me of being selfish, and I suppose I was. I should have told him a long time ago. He said I couldn't keep messing him about. That he wasn't sure he wanted to be friends,' Joey trailed off.

'He'll calm down you know he will.'

'I know,' Joey accepted the arm he put around her.

* * *

The fraternity party was packed and Joey was scanning the crowd for Jen. Spotting her friend chatting to Jack she made her way over through the crowds.

'Joey!' Jen was thoroughly delighted to see her.

'Hey guys,' Joey felt suddenly shy as Jack planted a kiss on her cheek.

'Where's Pacey?'

'Work,' Joey shrugged realising she much preferred parties she and Pacey attended together. He was so good at fending off unwanted admirers and the guy would always get her next drink. It had never occurred to her why admirers were unwanted.

'I can't believe Dawson came to Boston and didn't call us!' Jen was scolding Joey.

'We kind of broke up,' Joey admitted.

'Why the hell? I thought this time was the keeper,' Jack swigged his beer.

'It was supposed to be! But Dawson and I lack chemistry, well the right kind,' there she'd said it.

'I could have told you that,' Jen grinned.

'Why is it everyone understands this chemistry thing accept for me?' Joey looked irritated as she drunk her vodka and coke.

'Now you and Pacey, that's chemistry,' Jen nudged her friend drunkenly.

'I assure you there is no chemistry between Pacey Witter and me,' Joey shook her head in serious denial.

'Come on Jo. There's enough electricity to fuel a kiss reunion tour,' Jen giggled then turned to Jack, 'stop staring at him and go talk to him will you?' she moaned. Shooting her a wounded look Jack headed to the cute dark haired boy.

'Don't steal Miss Prettys lines! Pacey and I fight I'd hardly call it chemistry,' Joey protested.

'When you two finally kiss you will, you will my sweet, you will,' Jen bowed in mysticism.

'Whatever you say Yoda,' Joey grinned, her mind turning over the notion of a kiss with Pacey.

'And here is Han,' Jen laughed as Pacey swept up behind Joey and wrapped his arms around her. Jen didn't miss the way Joey jumped at the contact and then leant back into Paceys body like a heat seeker, suddenly breathless.

'If I'm Han, who's Leah?' Pacey wanted to know.

'Has to be Joey. After all she and Dawson are practically siblings so he's Luke,' Jen explained.

And I guess you're Yoda,' Joey nestled into Paceys arms.

'I wish. I've got to be R2D2 because Jack is definitely 3CPO,' Jen giggled.

'I'll resent that on Jackers behalf,' Pacey laughed. 'Andie is C3PO, Jack is R2D2 and you are Yoda!' The others laughed.

'Jo, do you mind getting me a refill? Charlie is loitering near the drinks table and I really don't want to see him.' Jen asked suddenly.

'Sure you want one Pace?'

'I'll go,' Pacey offered quickly.

'No, I need to borrow you for a moment,' Jen suggestively waggled her eyebrows.

'Is this a high school sex pact revival?' Joey asked faintly.

'Remember that chemistry thing Jo?' Pacey asked.

'We didn't have any,' Jen put in.

* * *

'So why were you so keen to send Joey away?' Pacey leant over Jen in the crowded room.

'Wanted a little word with you,' Jen slurred.

'The word being?'

'Chemistry,' Jen announced happily, 'and you and Joey having a stack of the stuff.'

'And what makes you say such a thing?' Pacey was cavalier.

'Oh I don't know,' Jen smiled.

'Does she?' the vested interest was apparent.

'Eternally clueless that girl.'

'So what would you suggest I do, oh wise one?' Pacey gave her a mini bow.

'Let me get her drunk. I love drunk Joey.'

'Don't we all,' Pacey agreed.

* * *

'Why do I always have to go first? I know you want me to pave the way Witter,' Joey shook her head at him and tutted.

'Play the game Joey,' Jack complained, his efforts with the cute brown haired boy hadn't paid off and he was back with them all at the table, where they were drinking tequila.

'Come on Jo, most life altering moment,' Pacey insisted.

'Discovering erotic fiction,' Joey shrugged and batted her eye lashes at him.

'Discovering porn is your most life altering moment?' Pacey grinned as Jen and Jack dissolved in laughter.

'For the millionth time, it's not porn Pacey,' Joey scowled at him.

'You seriously need to get some of the good stuff Jo,' Jen squeezed her arm.

'So when you say erotic fiction,' Jack began leaning forward.

'The stuff is porn. It's nothing to be ashamed of Jo. Porn is perfectly natural,' Pacey put a hand on hers comfortingly. She snatched hers away.

'It's not porn,' she shouted forcefully.

'Do you get off to it?' was Jens helpful question.

'What?' through a drunken haze Joey feigned ignorance.

'Do you get turned on by it? Do you get yourself off thinking about it?' Jen stared at her friend who paused a second to long before answering.

'Of course not,' she snapped.

'Somebody's lying,' Pacey tapped her nose playfully but she batted his hand away.

'So when we say erotic fiction,' Jack pressed his point again.

'Very graphic descriptions of sex,' Pacey filled him in. 'All kinds of sex, in all kinds of positions, in a wide array of situations. It's crude, rude and incredibly sexy.'

'Have you been reading my books?' Joey turned to him horrified.

'I was picking your laundry off the floor and I stumbled across your books,' Pacey admitted.

'I don't leave my laundry under my bed Pace,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'I was intrigued, and let me tell you my lady, I can understand why you like to read them - porn is fun.'

'They're _not_ porn,' Joey was nearly apoplectic and her friends rolling around in drunken hysterics wasn't helping. In frustration she downed another shot of tequila. 'Biggest regret Pacey,' she challenged.

'Leaving on my boat that summer,' Pacey told her without missing a beat his eyes swallowing hers.

'Why would you regret that?' Jen was surprised. 'You saw the entire eastern seaboard and you got the most awesome tan and a fantastic haircut?'

'I threw away some opportunities when I left,' Pacey spoke staring straight at the opportunity to which he was referring to. 'Biggest regret, Jen.'

'Getting drunk with Abby Morgan,' Jen looked down and then grinned, 'oh yeah and being Dawsons first kiss.'

'I think I have you to thank for him not being a totally terrible kisser,' Joey winked at Jen.

'He wasn't great was he?' Jen and Joey shared a conspiratorial look. 'Ok Jackers most life altering moment?'

'Come on Jen thats obvious, reading my poem out loud, coming out,' Jack waved a dismissive hand at Jen. 'Biggest regret Joey.'

'Not saying the word stay when Pacey asked me too,' Joey admitted her words slurring. 'I'm not sure why but it killed one of the best things I had in my life for a long time.'

'Jo,' Pacey beseeched her touched.

'I know you had reasons for leaving I just never understood what they were,' Joey flushed. 'Pacey all time most life-altering moment.'

'I can't say,' Pacey looked down his cheeks burning.

'No no no no no,' Jen shook her finger at him.

'Seriously dude, it's only us still here,' Jack looked around the empty fraternity building 'wherever here is.'

'Nope,' Pacey shook his head.

'Down the shot then,' Jen nodded at the tequila and Pacey had almost downed it when Joey stopped him.

'We've all been pretty honest, why cant you be?'

'Have we Potter? Let's hear your real most life-altering moment then? Because I'm sure as hell it ain't porn,' Pacey dared her.

'Finally he admits it's not porn,' Joey clapped triumphantly.

'Joey it's porn, now out with the truth,' they stared at each other - blue and brown eyes flashing with anger. Reluctantly Joey took a tequila shot of her own and they downed them together.

'Happiest moment Jen,' Joey slurred.

'Doing decoupage with Grams. We bonded, even had our first talk about sex - her and sex,' Jen grinned as her friends tried to rid their heads of the mental images. 'Jack, same to you.'

'Happiest moment? Got to be my first shift at the Icehouse.'

'You're kidding right?' Joey laughed.

'Ok, so maybe only in retrospect but it changed everything.'

'That's a most life altering moment hun,' Joey pointed out. 'We want happiest.'

'Graduation,' Jack couldn't stop smiling that day. 'Joey, Miss cynical, lets see what you can do with it.'

'Well that's easy,' Joey leaned in drunkenly 'it's always the moment before the fall right? It was a totally childish happiness, totally naive, but when my dad was released back, when Dawson could make me happy. He built me a picket fence and I was so happy and so very unprepared. Pacey?'

Pacey had been staring at her and was jolted out of his reverie.

'Happiest moment that's tough - Tamara inducting me into manhood was special but not the happiest. I don't know, maybe I've not had a truly happy moment...' Pacey trailed off.

'Everyone's had a happiest moment,' Joey insisted. 'What about sailing on True Love?'

'Ahhh the True Love. A truly special boat. I wasn't happy. Satisfied in a way but not happy.'

'This is pitiful,' Jack told him.

'Even I'm starting to feel sorry for you,' Joey begrudged.

'Got one,' Pacey suddenly grinned. 'About a week ago.'

'The first happy thing you can think of happened a week ago?' Jen stared at him.

'You want this or not?' he asked and they all nodded. 'A week ago I was sat in class history. I was sat in this class with kids smarter and richer, and yet I was doing well. I knew what the professor was talking about and he praised the way I answered his questions. I was thinking about being here, and being here with you guys my best friends. I was also thinking about the mysterious and yet wonderful joy of living with Joey, my best friend these days, and all the sweet and wonderful things she does for me and I was happy. So fucking happy I spent my last twenty bucks on flowers.'

'Pacey,' Joey murmured and wrapped her arms around him kissing his cheek. 'You're gonna make me cry.'

'That's because you're drunk,' he admitted still cradling her in his arms. Indulgently Joey sat her self on his lap and rested her head against his chest.

* * *

Pacey was cradling Joey in his arms as he pushed the door to their room open. Struggling to get through the door without hitting her in the head, he pulled her closer to him.

'Are we home Pacey?' she looked at him in adoration.

'We're home,' Pacey placed her on her bed and she held onto his hand.

'Most life altering moment Pace?' Joey insisted.

'Ladies first,' Pacey pointed out.

'Chauvinistic pig,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'I prefer chivalrous,' Pacey intoned as she pulled him onto the bed beside her and curled up against his chest.

'Ok most life-altering moment, the moment I grew up.'

'Be more specific Jo,' he poked her in the ribs.

'It's obvious,' Joey turned her eyes on him and he lay there totally powerless to move. The weight of her body against his was like a pleasure pain torture. It made him feel so comforted and it made him feel like throwing her onto her back and ravaging her. Pacey thought for a moment and it was obvious.

'Getting your dad arrested,' he stated and she nodded running a hand over the tight muscles of his stomach making his breath catch.

Pacey remembered when the shit with Joey's dad went down. His dad on one side of the law and hers on the other and both of them in the middle. He remembered holding onto her for dear life as she tried to run into flames just to reach her dad. Outside he'd held her hand as she shook inconsolably. Her pain was his pain and he hadn't even fallen in love with her at that point. It crushed him to see her face darkened by smoke and pressed against the chest of the father that had betrayed her. She looked younger then than she had for a long time. Like a little girl clinging on for dear life, first to his hand and then to her father.

He'd found the evidence one day. His father had brought it home in order to prepare for the court case and it had been lying in his office. Pacey knew he shouldn't have but it was all set up to be listened to. All of it. He heard her ask why and her dad's emotional answer. She'd asked him why, her voice cracking. Her dads feeble excuses evaded his memory because they hadn't mattered to Pacey as he listened to the tape. He'd listened to that tape after he had fallen hopelessly in love with her, but that was incidental. The tape broke his heart and he could see the images in his head as if he had been there. Joey standing before her dad, just a little girl trying to understand why he'd thrown her chance at happiness away. He could hear every tear fall as he listened and as she told her father she was sorry he'd felt a hot, burning rage on her behalf.

The tape included her discussion with Dawson. How mighty he sounded, how noble. But she was the one he admired. She talked about forgiving herself and he wondered whether she had. His dad had spoken to his mom about the arrest that night at dinner. How Bessie couldn't look at her dad, could scarcely look at her sister. Two young girls - it had broken Paceys heart.

The silence had stretched and Pacey was rubbing her back unaware of the tears rolling down his cheeks. He kissed her forehead and her cheeks.

'Are you ok Pace?' she asked with drunken concern enjoying his soft kisses that brought a moan to her throat.

'Yeah I'm perfect right now,' Pacey admitted as she snuggled further into his arms.

'You're supposed to tell me yours now?' Joey yawned sleepily.

'I will Jo,' Pacey kissed her nose again as her breathing steadied and she slipped into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**_Theres no where to go and you feel like a part of you is dying_**

Trudging through the snow, Joey was feeling decidedly down-heartened and worst of all she wasn't sure why. Her first semester at Worthington was over at the end of the week and she only had one exam left, but for some reason life wasn't sitting well with her. Something was wrong and she was desperate to know what. Jen and Jack had been no help when she'd been explaining her melancholy and Pacey seemed to be suffering worse than her. Something had changed between them the night of the fraternity party when they'd been playing their favourite game of biggest regret etc.

Joey knew she'd been horrendously drunk, and she knew Pacey had been the one to take her home and look after her, she just couldn't remember falling asleep. She'd told Pacey he knew her most life-altering moment and he'd realised that he did indeed. For some reason her admission had made him cry and he'd kissed her, not on the lips but those soft butterfly kisses that made her stomach somersault. Then she'd fallen asleep. Curses to my drunkenness, she was annoyed. When she tried to bring up the evening to Pacey he'd withdrawn and she didn't like it. All week he'd been avoiding her eyes and he hadn't changed the scrolling message on the computer - that was a clear sign that something was wrong. He still brought her a cup of coffee each morning, but he was avoiding their chat.

Climbing up the steps to her dorm building, Joey realised she was feeling more grumpy than melancholy now she'd isolated Pacey as the problem. Unlocking the door she slammed it behind her.

'Well if it isn't the earthquake Potter,' Pacey was sat at his desk and he quickly shut the book he was writing in.

'What's your glitch?' Joey stared at Pacey her arms folded across her chest and her lips pursed.

'Glitch? You're going to have to be a little more specific,' Pacey's eyes had widened.

'If I've done something to offend you, I think you should tell me instead of cold-shouldering me.'

'Cold-shouldering isn't a word Jo,' he pointed out gently.

'Oh stop being so pernickety,' she rolled her eyes. 'Have I upset you?'

'No,' he shook his head.

'Have I offended you?'

'No Jo,' again the shake of his head.

'So what is with you? Are you homesick?'

'No.'

'Worried about work?'

'No.'

'So what Pacey? I don't like it like this. I like it when you talk to me in the mornings, when you smile at me rather than avoid me. I like it when you join me at parties and I like it when you change the scroll on the computer!' she pouted.

'I'm sorry,' Pacey looked down.

'Sorry? Is that it? I don't want you to be sorry. I want to know what's up.'

'I...' he trailed off.

'I thought we were best friends. Can't you talk to me? Or is it a man problem?'

'It's not a man-problem Potter,' Pacey patted the desk and she moved to perch on it next to him.

'So what's up?' her voice was as soft as peaches in cream.

'I feel guilty.'

'Guilty?' Joey didn't understand.

'I can't tell you my most life-altering moment, and I promised I would.'

'That's why you've been avoiding me?' Joey almost laughed.

'You opened up to me and I should be able to do the same,' Pacey looked at his clasped hands.

'Pacey that's ok. We all have secrets. Unless you feel you can't open up to me period?'

'Of course I can Joey,' Pacey took her hand. 'I tell you everything - its just this one thing. I would never want anything to come between us.'

'And you're scared that your most life-altering moment will?'

'I have to say that it might,' Pacey looked at her with sad eyes, 'that's me being honest.'

'It's ok Pace, you don't need to tell me. You can have this one secret,' Joey squeezed his hand.

'Really?' he sounded so hopeful, so surprised and Joey's heart contracted.

'Yes. But just this one,' Joey grinned until he smiled back. 'And you have to go back to normal. I like normal.'

'Back to normal,' Pacey confirmed taking the opportunity to kiss her cheek for once.

* * *

Sitting down at the computer Joey switched it on. Essay writing had become boring and she was definitely looking forward to Christmas when exams would be over. The constant whirlwind of class, work, parties and friends was making it so she could barely wake up in the morning. At least I don't have to worry about boys, Joey thought without analyzing further.

Joey sorted out papers, gathered her books and by the time she turned back to the computer the screen saver was rolling.

_Hey workaholic I put some chocolate in the fridge. Mmmmm chocolate. Eat and be merry gorgeous._

Laughing Joey headed straight for the fridge and the chocolate.

* * *

'Do you want to snore any louder Pacey?' Joey bashed him on the head with her pillow waking him up.

'Do you have to be so violent?' he yawned grumpily.

'Get a nose plug,' she scowled.

'Get earplugs,' he scowled back.

'Just stop snoring ok,' she crossed her arms.

'It's not like I can help it I have a cold,' he defended himself.

'Sleep on your stomach then.'

'Don't tell me how to sleep,' Pacey was grumpy.

'But I can't sleep,' so was Joey.

* * *

'Hello Miss Potter, how you doing?'

'Just fine Mr Witter,' Joey curtseyed graciously. 'You're a little too cheerful for a Wednesday did you get your grade back?' she was practically jumping up and down.

'I think calling my beautiful A just a grade is something of an understatement - it's a miracle!'

'It's no miracle - you so deserve it,' she laughed.

'So maybe you'll lend me a book to celebrate?'

'One of my porn books?' Joey couldn't keep the smile from her eyes.

'One of your erotic fiction books,' Pacey clarified with a chuckle.

'Porn fiend,' she teased.

'It's not porn,' he echoed her defence and she laughed helplessly passing him a book.

'Nah, who we trying to kid?' she asked him.

* * *

'Morning gorgeous,' Pacey murmured stroking Joey's hair.

'Mmmmm caffeine,' Joey murmured.

'The name is Pacey,' so offended.

'Mmmmm Pacey,' Joey arched an eyebrow at him observing his indulgent smile.

'Last exam today,' he sat beside her as she pushed herself into a sitting position.

'I can't believe it. I'm so jealous you're all done.'

'I've been thinking Jo,' Pacey began quickly.

'Are your sure thats a good idea. We wouldn't want that brain cell of yours getting over-taxed,' Joey rubbed his head affectionately.

'I can take my thinking elsewhere,' he warned.

'No I want to know,' she pleaded.

'I think you and I should go out.'

'Ooh where to? Are Jen and Jack up for it? I thought Jack had another exam tomorrow. I suppose we could wait till then,' Joey babbled excitedly.

'I meant that you and I should go out on a date,' the words were out and he was staring into her eyes.

'Oh Pace I don't think that's a good idea.'

Pacey's heart was pounding as the alarm clock screeched offensively waking him up from his nightmare. His repetitive nightmare of asking her out. _Shit I can't do it. I'm so weak. I can't ruin this. It's too perfect. But it could be more perfect she might say yes. She might. Butt out devils advocate this is my life you're messing with_. Growling Pacey grabbed Joeys arms that were trying to find the source of the noise.

'Pacey,' she croaked.

'Hey gorgeous,' he cooed softly about to head for the kettle.

'I'm sick,' she groaned and he was back at her side just like that, the depressing effect of his bad dream disappearing.

'What's up Jo? What feels bad?' he put her hand to her head which was fiery hot.

'I'm freezing, my head, sick,' she groaned.

'Do you need a bucket?' Pacey kissed her forehead softly.

'Don't leave me,' she snatched at his hand groggily and drew it under the covers with her as if it were a teddy bear.

'I wont,' Pacey assured her and he didn't leave her, but time was passing. 'Jo honey, I need to call the student doctor so you don't get in trouble for missing your exam.'

'Exam?' she echoed with her eyes closed.

'Don't worry Jo, I'll sort it all out.'

'But you wont leave me?'

'I wont leave you.'

* * *

Pacey was striding the hallway outside the room whilst the doctor was in with Joey.

'Pacey, where's Joey? Why'd she miss her exam?' Monica rushed up the corridor.

'She's sick, the doctors in there now,' Pacey stared at the door willing it to open.

'What's wrong with her?'

'Just the flu I think. She should be able to take a re-sit in January. There's no concern about her passing.'

'Oh so it's ok,' Monica leant against the wall next to Pacey.

'Yeah it should be ok.'

'How long has the doctor been in there?' Monica stared at the door as well.

'About twenty minutes,' Pacey didn't need to look at his watch.

'Can I do anything?' Monica asked.

'Actually you could,' Pacey pulled out his wallet, 'could you get me some stuff from the store?'

'Of course,' Monica grinned.

'Some tissues, some lemonade and some soup. She's got to have lemonade and soup when she's sick else she gets grumpy - carrot is best, oh yeah and some chocolates - nice ones,' he added the latter a little embarrassed.

'It's ok Pace, I know you like her,' Monica took the money he handed her.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Pacey played innocent.

'No Pace. Joey's the only one without a clue,' Monica laughed and headed off.

* * *

'Doc, you've been ages, is she ok?' Pacey pounced on the doctor.

'Pacey?'

'Yeah,' his heart was racing.

'She'll be ok. Lots of tlc is what she needs. Think you can handle it?' the doc narrowed his eyes.

'Easily,' Pacey nodded reaching for the door.

* * *

'Hey you,' Pacey crouched down beside the bed.

'Pacey,' Joey cranked her eyes open.

'How's my girl?'

'I feel like death,' Joey groaned.

'Soup and lemonade are on their way,' Pacey told her. 'Carrot soup.'

'Who's my knight in shining armour!' Joey asked rhetorically.

'Monica actually,' Pacey teased as she reached for his hand. 'What did the doctor say?'

'Flue,' Joey groaned. 'Be better soon, till then feel terrible.'

'I'll stay with you till you feel better,' Pacey told her.

'Thank you,' she sniffed. 'I want my mommy,' she moaned unhappily.

'Well you've got me,' Pacey told her.

'You'll do,' she reached out her arms desperate for a hug, which he willingly gave it.

* * *

'How's the patient?' Jen asked.

'Grumpy,' Pacey grinned and shifted the phone.

'I'm not grumpy,' Joey mooned from the bed. 'I'm bored. Pacey's boring me.'

'Apparently I'm boring her and that's why she's grumpy,' he sighed loudly.

'You're loving every minute of it Pace. You cant fool me with that sigh,' Jen was as astute as ever.

'Oh sure it's fantastic fun cleaning up tissues, feeding her medication, warming up soup, giving bed baths...'

'PACEY,' it was a chorus of complaint from both girls, Joey horrified, Jen chuckling.

'Ok, so maybe the bed baths are just wishful thinking,' he admitted earning a small smile from the patient.

'So you're both heading back to Capeside next week instead of this week?'

'No other choice. I got to stay here and work till then and Jo's not welcome at the B&B until she's stopped sniffling.'

'I'm not sniffling,' Joey protested and promptly sneezed.

'Anyway,' Pacey rolled his eyes. 'So you and Jack are heading back tomorrow?'

'Yep! Grams in tow. Wouldn't feel like Christmas if we weren't in Capeside.'

'So where are you all staying?'

'We rented a cottage on the beach for the week. Well Grams and I have. Jack's off to his dads for Christmas day.'

'Well we'll catch you next week.'

'You better, and Pace?' Jen was uncharacteristically tentative.

'Yeah?'

'Try and make a move.'

'Goodbye Lindley.'

'Bye Pace,' she was laughing as she hung up.

* * *

Pacey trudged through the snow in desperate search of a video store stocking The Breakfast Club. Joey had called him at the restaurant, just to chat, and had mentioned the movie and he wanted to surprise her._ Make a move, easy for you to say Lindley, you've got nothing on the line. I've got everything on the line. _Spotting a small store Pacey manoeuvred inside brushing the snow from his coat. At last, success!

* * *

'Joey,' Pacey peered into the dark room.

'Pacey?' her voice was small.

'How you feeling?'

'Better,' she smiled at him brightly as she turned on the light blinking as her eyes adjusted.

'You look better,' Pacey shrugged off his coat and wondered over with the film.

'What have you got there?' Joey asked reaching for the bag.

'A little trip down memory lane,' Pacey grinned.

'I love this movie,' Joey sighed.

'Because it reminds you of Dawson?' Pacey wasn't accusing just interested.

'No not at all. If anything it reminds me of you.'

'Of me?'

'Yeah they all sit around talking just like us, thinking it's all so important, but you know talking isn't always living life. Except you. You seemed to live John Hughes films - you got so many things right as well, when the rest of us were so busy getting them wrong.'

'Crazy girl,' Pacey laughed thoroughly amused.

'Ok Witter go easy on me, I am sick.'

'Sweet twist on my past Jo, just not entirely accurate,' he grinned.

'Ok, ok just stick on the movie,' Joey yawned, too tired to fight.

'Talk about rose tinted glasses, don't you recall Pacey Witter town screw up. Jailbait and all that,' he couldn't stop laughing and he watched her lips twitch as she slumped down in her bed huffily.

* * *

Pacey looked around the room distractedly. He'd returned from the restaurant and Joey was no where to be seen. Checking the toilets he frowned but then he saw the note on his bed.

_Pace,_

_Felt so much better I went for a walk. Be back soon._

_Love Joey._

Taking a quick shower Pacey tidied the room and changed Joeys sheets. Taking the used clothes and sheets down to the laundry room he wondered whether he could take her out for dinner or whether it would be too much. Slamming the lid of the washer and hitting go he headed back upstairs.

Joey was sat in the middle of the room crossed legged like a little girl. In front of her she had a box that she was looking at smugly. She'd had a shower and her hair was shining, her cheeks glowing from her walk.

'Well look at you!'

'I feel great,' she grinned at him.

'What's in the box?'

'Just a little something I got for you,' she rolled her eyes cheekily.

'What is it?' he took a step closer.

'You have to open it,' she pushed it toward him. Crouching down in front of her he opened the cardboard box.

'I cant take this,' he shook his head.

'Yes you can. It's nothing really,' she told him. Slowly he reached into the box and pulled out the mini-disc player and an envelope.

'It's too expensive Jo,' he looked at her touched.

'I wanted to get you something technological, knowing how you love all things shiny. Besides it's not so expensive when you buy it off a rich kid who's upgrading... to an Ipod apparently, so don't worry about that.'

'I cant believe you got me this,' Pacey stared at her.

'Open the card,' Joey nodded with a broad smile.

Pacey carefully undid the envelope and pulled out the card. It had a zebras ass on the front and he laughed.

'What you trying to tell me Potter?'

'I thought it was funny,' she blushed.

Opening the card he picked up the library card that fell out.

'How?'

'I have some contacts,' she tilted her head and smiled.

_Dear Pace,_

_Thanks for everything. Not just for looking after me while I've been sick but for making my first semester here so great. I'm glad you're here with me._

_Lots of love_

_Joey xxx_

'Thank you sweetheart,' his voice was gruff.

'Its a pleasure Pacey!'

'So what do you think about going out and grabbing some dinner? To celebrate you being better - it's almost Christmas?' he asked without thinking about it. 'Let me take you somewhere nice?'

'That would be lovely,' she smiled.

'I cant believe you got me this,' he stared at his gift and card.

'Just don't be expecting a great Christmas present,' she flashed and jumped to her feet. 'I'm going to change.'

* * *

The restaurant was a pretty and intimate place that Pacey had wanted to take Joey for a long time. It was a little empty, with all the students at home for the Christmas break, but beautifully decorated. That dinner was accompanied by a blues band only improved the atmosphere. As Joey had put a dress on for the occasion, Pacey had smartened up with some smart slacks and a shirt.

'Do you want to play a game?" Joey queried as they waited for their food.

'Depends on the game,' Pacey was feeling relaxed. They were out on a date without being out on a date.

'It's kind of like twenty questions.'

'Ok...'

'But there's a dare element.'

'So it's like truth or dare?' Pacey clarified.

'Sort of.'

'And you want to play a game like that without any alcohol? And without Jen?' Pacey teased softly.

'Yeah. So can I start?'

'Go for it,' Pacey leant back with a wide grin.

'Place you most want to visit?'

'Now that's easy Vietnam,' Pacey shrugged easily.

'Really? I'd love to go there but I'm definitely up for Paris.'

'Who could forget your love affair with the city of love,' Pacey couldn't stop looking at her. She was just so beautiful.

'Mmmm I'm not sure it's really Paris, more what Paris symbolizes.'

'And what's that?'

'A missed opportunity. I cant help feeling a little silly for not taking up such an amazing offer to stay in Capeside with Dawson.'

'You did what you felt was right at the time,' he smiled.

'But it was a little pathetic,' Joey narrowed her eyes.

'A little,' he ragged on her but she just laughed.

'Your turn.'

'Hmmm ultimate career goal?' he snatched his hand away from hers unable to believe hed been about to take hold of it.

'Writer I think. I used to want to be an artist and now I want to be a writer. I think my aspirations are a little high. I'll probably end up doing something totally boring like editing.'

'Probably,' Pacey winked.

'You?' she let his teasing slide.

'I'd rather do something that satisfies me than something that makes me rich, although I think being rich would satisfy me nicely. I don't know yet -I'm still thinking it through.'

And so dinner passed in a happy, chatty haze of good food and silly stories. When they left the restaurant, things took a turn for the worse.

'So, do you think you can tell me that secret yet?' Joey asked her breath turning white in the cold.

'Which secret is that?' Pacey had thrown a casual arm about her shoulders as they strolled the street.

'Your most life altering moment?' she looked up at him with wide eyes.

'Joey... I thought I'd explained,' he looked at the ground moodily. 'I thought I could have this one secret.'

'I cant stop thinking about it. You haven't explained it that's just it,' she grumbled. 'I tell you everything and you hold back. Why would it come between us? I just don't understand.'

'I know you don't and that's why it would ruin everything,' he tried to explain.

'Do you have to be so annoying?'

'I'm not trying to be annoying,' Pacey protested.

'Clearly our friendship doesn't mean what I thought it did to you,' Joey moved from under his arm feeling put out.

'Jo I don't want to fight to you. This has nothing to do with our friendship,' Pacey could feel his heart hammering partly in concern and partly in frustration.

'Obviously it does otherwise you could tell me,' Joey frowned.

'Do you have to make it such a big deal?'

'You made it a big deal by refusing to tell me! What if I told you my most life-altering moment might end our friendship. How would you feel when I then refused to tell you what it was?'

'I wouldn't like it,' Pacey admitted. 'But I'd understand.'

'You see, I don't think you would,' Joey shook her head the distance between them a complete contrast to the rest of the evening when they'd been so close.

'Well I guess I'd have to,' Pacey bit out.

'Fine, I guess I'll have to understand too,' Joey turned and began to walk away.

'Don't walk away Jo,' Pacey caught her up. 'Does tonight have to end like this?'

'I guess we had an evening-altering moment,' she gave him a sarcastic smile.

'For fucks sake Jo,' Pacey snapped. 'I'm trying to protect what we have here.'

'Maybe your idea of protection is more destructive than you think,' she retorted.

'Fine,' Pacey stalked off and Joey followed behind him.

'What are you so afraid of?' she shouted at his back. 'What's so bad about being honest?'

'You want me to be honest?' he'd turned around and his face was so close to hers that their noses were nearly touching.

'Yes,' she yelled.

'Fine I'll be honest. You want my most life-altering moment, here it is. One stupid night during winter two years ago. We were staying at the brand new Potter B&B. Most of the guests had left after the favourable review by a certain Mr Fricke,' his voice was thick with emotion as he threw the words at her, 'but I came back to see you. Only you were asleep on the couch. I sat down in the chair opposite you and I stayed there all night Joey, because I was content to simply sit there. Watching you sleep that night was the most life-altering moment of my life, satisfied?'

'I don't understand,'Joeys voice was small.

'You never do,' Pacey rubbed his hair in frustration.

'Why would that be a life-altering moment?'

'Because you daft girl, it was the first time I realised how far in love with you I'd fallen,' and to emphasise his point he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

Before Joey had a chance to absorb the words she was absorbed by the kiss. It would be false to say she had never imagined kissing Pacey because she couldn't have avoided it. They'd been so very close and he'd kissed her face and she his, they'd just never kissed. Her body was responding with a crackling electricity that was over-powering and indescribable. On instinct her hands reached for his neck to pull him nearer, to feel more of him against her, to keep the sensations rushing through her from disappearing. A small moan escaped her throat and she pushed him away in embarrassment. Embarrassed by her loss of control.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**_You think she wants to break up, then she says she wants to make up._**

'What the hell Pacey,' Joey stared at him with an expression of utter shock written all over her beautiful features. 'What the hell are you doing?'

'Well I was kissing you, but if you have to ask I obviously wasn't kissing you that well,' he looked at her, his expression kind of hopeful and kind of scared, his heart hammering and his stomach suddenly nauseous.

'I know you were kissing me, but...' Joey trailed off knowing the answer to her question. _Why was Pacey Witter kissing me? Because he said his most life altering moment was realising how far in love with me he was. How far in love with me is he now though? Oh god this is such a mess. Just don't think Joey, you know how to do that. Or else run._

Pacey stared at the contortion of facial expressions on Joey's face and felt his heart sinking.

'I shouldn't have said anything,' his shoulders slumped and he stared at the floor the picture of moody sexiness. It didn't unnoticed by Joey.

'I did pressure you,' she admitted.

'I'm supposed to be practiced at keeping it a secret,' he shrugged and kicked at a pebble.

'You should have been honest with me before now,' Joey hated his dejected persona, and hated the fact that his moody boy look made her want to kiss him. _I need time to process this,_ she told herself sternly.

'And how would have that turned out? What if I'd told you, or kissed you before now, say back in high school. Even if you had kissed me back Dawson would have been inevitable. He'd have freaked and you'd have halted whatever might have sprung up between us, and my heart would have been broken,' he looked at her with soul filled blue eyes.

'You cant know that Pacey,' Joey stuttered.

'You've told me where to go now, I doubt high school would have been any different.'

'I haven't told you where to go - I'm processing,' she willed him to look at her and when he did she gave him a small smile.

'Processing?'

'Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I have some questions,' she waited for his nod as they began to walk the street again.

_Keep calm Pacey, don't screw this up_.

'Sure.'

'Ok, so do you still feel the same?'

'Do you have to ask?' he looked at her a little sceptically.

'Is this why you left on your boat that summer?'

'Not the whole reason but mostly, yeah,' he admitted.

'So you just left? You never even gave me a chance? You don't know how I would have reacted,' Joey stomped her feet against the cold.

'But I know how Dawson would have reacted. I'm his best friend and you're his soul mate, that would not have gone down well,' Pacey pulled off his hat and put it on her. 'You need to keep warm.'

'So you've felt this way about me for the last two years?' Joey couldn't believe it. Her brain couldn't process how that shifted things quickly enough. Which of the things he did for her were as a friend, and which were as an unrequited lover. Did it matter?

'Jo, I cant do this,' Pacey had her attention. 'I cant stand here and tell you that I've fallen more and more in love with you over the last two years. I cant just stand here and say it, because it's very, very real to me, and I'm not sure I can cope with you knowing all that and then walking away from me, from our friendship, because of it. If you walk away from me I lose everything Jo. Because you mean everything to me. I don't care about Worthington - I love it, but I wanted to be near you. That's why I came to Boston. I want to be your friend if nothing else, so I cant stand here and purge my heart when...when...' his voice cracked and Joey couldn't bear it.

'Pacey,' she entreated reaching for his hand. He stared at her hand holding onto his for a moment, but he had only a moment because she was leaning up and kissing.

'God Joey,' he pulled her closer to him, but she was pushing away.

'I shouldn't have done that,' she put her hands in her pockets.

'Did you want to do that?' he asked cautiously.

'I don't know what I want Pace.'

'That's ok Jo.'

'I do know I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want anything to get in the way of our living arrangement. It works and I like it. I like having you here and I don't want you to go anywhere if I need some time. I don't want you running away again,' she was trembling and he wrapped an arm around her.

'I'm not going to go anywhere,' he kissed her forehead.

'But you might if I think this isn't what I want, you might decide to leave,' she forced back tears.

'But I just cant do that. I've tried to do that. Last summer and the summer before that, that was just what I was trying to do.'

'Well ok,' she sniffed.

'So you want some time?' he asked gently.

'Of course I want time, but I also really want to kiss you again,' she muttered hopelessly.

'But I thought that...' astonished didn't cover how he was feeling.

'I know, I know, I don't know anything but all I can think of is kissing you.'

'So I think I should kiss you,' he turned to block her way.

'But you cant Pacey,' she moaned suddenly emotional, tears springing to her eyes.

'You cant say you want to kiss me and then not expect me to kiss you,' he explained softly rubbing his thumbs under her eyes to wipe away a few stray tears.

'But Pace,' she wanted his lips nearer and yet further away. However her worries and concerns evaporated as his lips fell on hers and a soft moan replaced them. Embarrassed she moved her mouth from his.

'What's the matter?' he asked his arms still around her.

'How do you do that? I don't mean to and then..'

'You're going to have to be a little more verbose there Jo,' his concern was apparent.

'When you kiss me I feel like, well like my body is yours, like you have some sort of remote,' she arched her brows at him.

'Chemistry,' he grinned a little bit of delight mixing in with the pounding nerves.

'More like biology if you ask me,' she gave a small sigh.

'Does it feel nice?'

'I... it... Pace you know it does,' her cheeks were burning red.

'Well don't worry. Every time a sound escapes you it makes me want you all the more,' he took a step nearer to her, allowing her to feel just what he meant. Her eyes widened and she wanted to kiss him again. This time she didn't pull back, and as their lips met her hands went instinctively to his neck to hold him close to her. As she tugged him nearer a small groan came from him and finding it made her smile she didn't worry when he pressed against her causing her legs to weaken and a small whimper to escape.

'Fuck Jo,' he practically growled as they broke from the kiss. 'Imaging a kiss with you is nothing compared with the reality of kissing you. You taste gorgeous, everything about you is gorgeous - it's everything and nothing like I thought it would be,' he held her close, but she moved and kissed him again.

'You cant say something like that and expect me not to kiss you,' she echoed his earlier words and promptly sneezed.

'Bless you, and lets get you home,' he cautiously took her hand but he received no protest and so recklessly held it tighter, fighting to keep the smile from his face.

'I cant believe I kissed you. You're Pacey,' Joey shook her head at the ground as if shaking it would either make her wake up or make her realise she really had kissed him.

'I cant believe you got yourself addicted to it,' he teased softly.

'What I cant believe is you can say something as annoying as that and I still want to kiss you again,' Joey rolled her eyes and stretched to kiss his lips.

* * *

They entered their dorm room and suddenly the fear hit her. _If something was happening with Pacey what would he expect? Had she led him to think something was happening by her inability to not kiss him? Would he expect her to have sex with him? Do I want to have sex with him? Maybe I do, but then of course he'd think I didn't and if I said I did, oh god, this is just why life is easier without a boyfriend. Not that Pacey is my boyfriend. He's my boy who's a friend, and now I cant stop thinking about kissing him and he's in love with me! Pacey Witter is in love with me. How could I miss it? Am I that slow? But what do I think about him? He's my best friend of course, but that's not the same as love. So there's chemistry between us, and I now definitely know what chemistry is. There's a stack of the stuff but does chemistry and being best friends mean we should be together? What about the love aspect. Oh shit._

'Are you ok Jo?' he was looking at her with an odd expression.

'Fine just tired I guess,' her tone was clipped.

'You can chill out Jo,' Pacey told her.

'What do you mean? I'm not unchilled,' she flustered.

'Just because I want to take you to bed doesn't mean I'm expecting to,' he explained but she looked down with flushed cheeks.

'I'm a little tired,' she told him.

'Ok.'

'Ok, so I'm going to change and then go to bed.'

'That's ok Jo,' he tried to ignore the all too familiar sinking feeling.

'Ok', and grabbing her wash bag she was gone.

_What the hell have I done? _Pacey stared at himself in the mirror. _Why do I have to be such a screw up? Couldn't I have got this right? Couldn't I have just managed to be her friend? I don't think I'll cope if she tells me she just wants to be friends. Of course I wont go anywhere, but I think I'll just fall apart. That's the beauty of keeping it a secret. In my imagination there was always the chance she'd love me back - how much chance of that is there now?_

'Are you asleep Pacey?' her voice carried across the room. When she'd returned from teeth and face cleaning she'd snuck into bed.

'You could say that,' wide awake.

'Will you come here?' she asked softly and after a moment he padded across the room and crouched by her bed.

'You alright?' he asked.

'Not there, here,' she told him lifting her covers to reveal the space beside her.

'Are you sure?' he hesitated.

'Just to sleep, that's all,' she bit her lower lip anxiously and he climbed in beside her, their legs tangling in the limited room until she was lying half on top of him, her breasts pressed to his chest in a tantalising manner.

'Pacey?'

'Yeah Jo?'

'Will you kiss me again?'

'If I had any idea I could get you hooked on kissing me so easily, I would have done it a lot sooner,' Pacey teased, but his voice was low and his words were flirtatious as his hand caressed the soft skin between her pyjama bottoms and vest top. She was waiting, her eyes half closed in expectation and he didn't need a second invitation.

The warmth of her mouth met his and his body responded automatically and instantly. He could sense her surprise at the feel of him hard against her and allowed her time to get used to it before allowing his instinct to press him closer to her. The gasp that escaped her lips made him want her even more.

'Jo,' he groaned her name as his hand traced the soft skin of her back. She rolled slightly and his fingertips found the round to the soft curve of her breast. It was almost too much for him, and not a lot was too much for Pacey Witter. He'd not been with a woman for a long time, they could never compare to Joey, and now he was with her it was more intense than he'd ever imagined, and he'd imagined it to be pretty intense. The years of pent up frustration and sexual tension wanted to be out of him, wanted him to love her thoroughly but he knew he couldn't push her. Just feeling the softness of her breast made him want her more than he'd thought possible. It made him want her more in that moment than he ever had and he'd wanted her so damn much. The reality of her was exceeding his imaginations of her in a cataclysmic way.

'You're fucking gorgeous,' he growled as her nipple hardened against his fingers. Slowly he lowered his head, pushing up her top and took the nipple in his mouth. The effect on Joey was instantaneous and gratifying as she urged her body closer to his and moaned his name. He wanted her to crave him like he craved her, to show her how good they could be because he might not get another chance. Kissing one breast and then the other he traced her inner thigh with his hand, teasing the flesh everywhere but where he really wanted to. Kissing her neck and finally her lips again he recklessly traced the tops of her pyjamas before slipping his hand beneath them. There was no complaint from Joey only another whimper.

His hand slid beneath the material to where she was naked. He traced the gentle curve of her stomach and the tops of her thighs but his ministrations were suddenly not enough for her which was exactly what he had wanted.

'Please Pacey,' she pleaded and very slowly he slid his hand between her legs and over her. She abandoned kissing him, arching her back so his hand would touch her again. 'Pacey,' she pleaded again and he traced a finger across her slowly dipping it into the warm wetness. 'Mmmmmm god,' she murmured and he repeated the action applying pressure to her clit with his thumb. She responded immediately her body aching for his hand as he teased and tortured her to the edge of an orgasm before sending her crashing over the edge and into his arms in a whimpering heap of shining eyes and red cheeks.

'You ok Jo?' he asked gently kissing her.

'Oh yeah,' she replied a little breathlessly settling onto his chest and closing her eyes.

* * *

Pacey stared at Joey as they sat on the train opposite one another. What pleased him was the way she stared back. They hadn't spoken about the previous night, but when he had kissed her good morning she'd given him a sultry smile and kissed him back. It was true that she had then demanded her normal cup of coffee claiming that a night of intimacy didn't change the fact that she had to have her coffee. Of course Pacey hadn't minded, he'd adored getting her coffee and then slipping back into bed beside her.

Dealing the cards for another game of rummy, Pacey squeezed her hand.

'I'm going to miss you while were home for Christmas,' he'd been wanting to say it for a long time.

'I'll miss you to,' the faint blush on her cheeks made his grin grow.

'So I can visit you at the B&B, maybe take you out?'

'Are you asking me on a date Pacey?' Joey narrowed her eyes.

'Depends on your answer,' he said softly.

'My answer is yes if that's what you're asking,' she lowered her eyes bashfully.

'Then it's exactly what I'm asking,' Pacey grinned.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**_Oooh you make me love you. Oooh youve got a way._**

'Bessie?' Joey called out as she pushed through the B&B door. The place looked smaller than it had when she left, but it felt wonderfully nostalgic to be home where there was a fire in the hearth and a small but beautiful tree in the corner.

'Joey,' it was a screech and suddenly Joey was enveloped in a hug involving her, Bessie and Alexander. 'It's so good to see you. I want to know everything - you don't call enough little sis!'

'Let me at least take off my coat,' Joey teased.

* * *

'So how is it being at one of Americas most prestigious universities?' Bessie arched her brows and took a sip of hot chocolate.

'It's good. I love it there,' something was distinctly dismissive in her answer.

'What aren't you telling me?' her big sister was as astute as ever.

'There's nothing I'm not telling you,' Joey widened her eyes in innocence and raised her mug of coffee to her mouth.

'I've known you too well, for too long. Is it a boy?' Bessie appraised her sister and knew in an instant, 'it is a boy! So long as he doesn't throw you off your studies that's great.'

'He's not going to throw me off my studies and I'm not quite sure if there is a he or not.'

'Give me details,' Bessie urged leaning forward.

'It's Pacey,' her smile spoke volumes.

'Pacey?' Bessie wasn't sure she'd heard right. 'Not a Worthington boy?'

'Pacey kind of is a Worthington boy,' Joey admitted.

'Hang on here a second Jo you're going to have to backtrack here - didn't Pacey only just manage to graduate high school?'

'Basically, well yeah, but we kind of struck on a deal,' Joey was nervous about revealing the truth.

'I would think the deal would need to be struck with Worthington,' Bessie clearly didn't understand.

'I didn't get a roommate and Pacey needed somewhere to stay, so we split the rate for my room - he wanted to come along to classes and he loved them and did well, and somehow the college now has him on their books although they haven't asked him for fees and he's kind of worried about it, but he's applied for a loan and is going to speak to the dean,' Joey looked at Bessie hopefully. Now Bessie clearly didn't approve.

'That sounds a little risky for you to be so closely involved with Joey, if Pacey is found out, and then you're found out it could get really messy, you could get kicked out of college,' she shook her head in disapproval.

'I know all that and he's going to sort it.'

'And now you're involved with him?' Bessie tutted slightly. 'I like Pacey Jo. I think he's great and I've had my suspicions about the two of you for a long time. But is it wise to start something with Pacey when you're living together? Or given his track record for heading off for long stretches? How will you feel next time he gets itchy feet?'

'Bessie, I've had a glorious three months without lectures about my personal life. Please don't take it upon yourself to tell me about all the things I'm doing wrong. I've been doing well. Pacey and I are best friends. The only thing to happen is that he asked me on a date. I don't think its so crazy to go along and see if I have a good time,' Joey glared at her sister.

'Ok, ok, point taken,' Bessie let out a humph and slumped back in her chair. 'He is hot...I'll give you that.'

* * *

Rapping on the door of the small beachside property Joey shivered in the cold. Finally a blond head appeared in the doorway to welcome her in.

'Joey,' Jen gave her a big hug pleased to see her friend. 'How are you? You look much better.'

'I feel much better. The flue really sucks. I'll never call a measly cold the flue again.

'Don't say that to Jack. He's suffering from the "flue" at the moment,' Jen winked.

'Where is Jack?'

'He's with his dad. There was a change of plan. His dad decided to go visit Andie in Italy and so Jackers is with us for Christmas, if that will be ok with Bessie?'

'Of course it will. Bodie always cooks a feast anyway,' Joey shrugged easily.

'Here,' Jen shoved a glass of eggnog at her friend. 'It's Grams and it's delicious but it's also very alcoholic.'

'Are you trying to get me drunk?' Joey arched a suggestive brow.

'Just so I can take advantage,' Jen teased back.

'God this is good,' Joey took a sip.

'It's kind of like a truth serum as well,' Jen flopped onto the couch beside Joey.

'And why would you need a truth serum around me? I think we've passed beyond the bitter jealousy of youth into good friends?'

'Ahhh, but you are the secret keeper Joey. Just what's going on in that pretty head of yours is something of a mystery,' Jen appraised her.

'Does this have something to do with Pacey?' So Joeys not as clueless as she seems, Jen grinned broadly,

'That could be an angle to take.'

'And what's another angle?' Joey was suspicious.

'Well lets talk about boys in general how you've not been dating much?'

'I'll have you know I have a date tomorrow night,' Joey defended.

'And who might that be with?' Jen clinked their glasses together.

'That would be with one Mr Witter,' Joey rolled her eyes cheekily.

'And I thought Doug was gay,' Jen shook her head in mock disbelief and Joey thwacked her softly.

'Jen I need help,' she pleaded.

'It's good that he finally asked you,' Jen summarised.

'It figures you would know - you miss nothing,' Joey couldn't believe she'd been so blind.

'Why the hell else do you think we didn't push Pacey and his most life altering moment?'

'You knew what it was?'

'Not exactly, but we figured it would be to do with you. He's been in love with you for the last 3 years.'

'2 years,' Joey corrected.

'Ok, for two years, though he spent the year before falling. So what was his most life altering moment?' Jen had been dying to know.

'The moment he realised how far in love with me he was,' Joey turned bright red.

'That boy is such a charmer,' Jen smiled.

And that Jen, is the problem,' her friend looked up with panic in her eyes.

'The fact that he's charming you is a problem?'

'The fact that I cant stop kissing him is a problem.'

'Go Pacey,' Jen whistled softly.

'Jen,' Joey complained.

'Ok, ok, so I take it you're worried about the big S?'

'That obvious?' Joey cringed.

'The best advice I can give you Jo, is take no advice. You'll know if Pacey is the right guy, and if he is it'll feel right when it's right. Just bare in mind that there is no perfect moment, no epiphany moment, just the right moment at that point in time.'

'Really?' Joey shook her head, 'because I don't know exactly how I feel about Pacey and yet there's part of me that just wants to throw myself at him and shout "take me now!"'

'Maybe you're more in touch with how you feel about him than you think?' Jen chuckled.

'So tell me about what happened with Charlie? Pacey relayed some of what went on, but I was too sick to ask the right questions,' Joey sipped more eggnog.

'Nice divert,' Jen acknowledged.

* * *

'You have a nice time with Jen?' Bessie asked as Joey swung through the door, shaking the snow from her hair.

'Grams eggnog is very... how shall I put this? Conducive to honest conversation,' Joey smiled in a happy, tipsy buzz.

'I'll remember that Christmas day,' Bessie laughed.

'Jack is now coming too.'

'I know, he called to tell me himself,' Bessie looked at her sister. 'You had a visitor.'

'Pacey?' even Bessie couldn't miss the happy smile on Joeys face at the thought.

'No Dawson.'

'Oh,' her shoulders slumped.

'I think he just wanted to mend some bridges. Asked for you to call over later.'

Joey scowled slightly thinking about how she and Dawson had left things. If he was ready to be friends that was not necessarily a bad thing.

'Are you going to tell him about Pacey?' Bessie asked and Joey was surprised she hadn't considered the implication of starting something with Pacey on both of their relationships with Dawson.

'I think we'll have a date first,' she decided. 'I'm going to lie down.'

'Drunk,' Bessie shot at her.

'Hard working student on vacation,' Joey shielded.

* * *

Joey didn't relish knocking on Dawsons door and she considered the ladder for a nano second. Staring at it she thought back to Pacey's phone call.

_'Hey gorgeous,' he'd murmured immediately recognising her voice._

_'Couldn't stand a day without me,' she had teased._

_'You'd like that wouldn't you,' his voice had been deep and unbearably sexy._

_'I would like having that kind of power, yes,' she couldn't keep the chuckle in._

_'To damn bad I just called to see if you needed me to bring the computer over tomorrow,' he was so nonchalant._

_'Pacey,' she'd protested loudly and had been rewarded with his low chuckle._

_'I missed you Jo,' he admitted. 'I'll see you tomorrow still for our date?_

_'Yes,' she wanted to tell him about Dawson. 'Dawson called me?'_

_'And?' the tone shifted abruptly._

_'He wants me to call over later. Fix things up,' she'd sensed his breathing change. 'To fix our friendship up.'_

_'That's good. I told you he'd come around,' he had sounded so sad and she'd hated it._

_'Pace I'm not going to tell him about anything between us until we've had a date. If it goes well I'll tell him and it'll be ok.'_

_'Ok,' he'd sounded so unsure._

Why was it Dawson had such a hold over Pacey? Joey only understood it in part. Dawson had certainly led the more charmed life and Mitch was the kind of father Pacey may have thrived under, but when it came to Joey, Pacey seemed to have such a fixation about Dawson's place in her life. Sighing Joey headed back to the front door. Dawson answered.

'Joey,' he sounded ridiculously pleased to see her.

'Hey Dawson,' she looked at him for a moment and then he was ushering her inside.

'Wow, this place looks fantastic,' Joey looked at the lavish tree and the massive pile of gifts.

'You know my parents tend to go kind of overboard at Christmas,' Dawson shrugged. 'I'm so glad you came over.'

'I'm glad you don't still hate me,' and she was.

'I could never hate you Joey. I'm sorry I reacted like such a child. I'd really like for us to work on things,' he looked at her with wide eyes.

'By things, you mean our friendship?'

'I mean us - what it means to be Joey and Dawson. Can we do that?'

'Of course we can!' Joey couldn't deny him the right to her friendship, they needed each other.

'Good. And in the spirit of restoring things to what they were I thought we could watch ET?'

'Again?' Joey scowled slightly.

'It'll be fun!'

'Sure, but I'm not playing in your closet.'

* * *

Pacey strolled up to the Potter B&B with a broad smile on his face and a sprig of mistletoe in his hand. Rapping on the door he stepped back to wait.

'Pacey,' Bessie greeted him.

'Bessie,' Pacey gave her a hug.

'Joey's almost ready - she's decided what to wear, and is just deciding what to do with her hair.'

'Cute,' Pacey muttered thinking of Joey preparing for a date with him, as he had seen her do for dates with others.

* * *

Pacey looked around the familiar B&B as Bessie went to fetch Joey. The fire was burning and Alexander's toys were littering the floor - clearly there were no guests over Christmas. The little tree was covered in a horrendous assortment of decorations, some clearly made by Alexander, others by a young Bessie and Joey.

'Hey,' her voice was soft. She was standing in the doorway with her hands twisting together nervously as she watched him look around her home with his friendly smile. She was dressed in a skirt and a pretty top, her long hair straight down the back and pinned at the sides. He just gave her a goofy smile. 'Say something,' she flushed.

'Joey, you look beautiful,' he told her simply.

'Something else,' she urged smiling.

'I got you this,' he stepped forward and handed her the sprig of mistletoe.

'Mistletoe?' she frowned slightly.

'No,' he stepped forward and took the plant from her. Holding it above her head he kissed her softly. 'Mistletoe,' he smiled and she smiled back.

'Thank you,' she rolled her eyes happily. 'Shall we go?'

'This way my lady,' Pacey took her arm and led her away.

* * *

'This is where you're bringing me for a first date?' incredulity saturated every word. He'd opened her door for her but she was still sat in the car staring at the building.

'I remembered how much you used to like the place,' he beamed.

'The roller rink?' she laughed.

'Well I wanted to pick somewhere where physical contact was kind of guaranteed!' he explained gamely. She rolled her eyes to look at him,

'Oh I bet you did,' she laughed again.

'Come on Potter, get your skates on,' he nodded to the building and she laughed for the third time in as many minutes.

'How long have you wanted to say that?'

'Since I decided to bring you here,' he owned up.

* * *

'So you ready for this?' Pacey asked as they stood uncertainly at the edge of the rink on their skates.

'Are you ready for this?' she appraised him carefully.

'If I said I'd never done this before could we go home?' Pacey almost lost his balance but grabbed onto her in time.

'You don't even know how to skate?' she giggled. 'It's just like ice skating.' She rolled onto the rink with ease as Pacey watched from the edge.

'Do I look like the kind of guy that goes ice skating?' he called out to her.

'You played ice hockey as a kid,' she pointed out rolling around easily.

'As a kid,' he reminded her and she was off around the rink. When she returned he still hadn't made it onto the rink.

'Pacey,' she cooed softly and waggled a finger at him.

'This was a really, really bad idea,' he shook his head.

'This won't count as a date if you spend the entire night stood at the side trembling,' she pouted.

'Don't pout at me girl,' Pacey groaned covering his eyes, his resoultion not to step onto the wooden rink weakening.

'Why not?' she pouted further sensing she was winning the battle. Tentatively he stepped onto the rink and rolled towards her.

'Because it makes me want to kiss you,' he whispered as his body crashed softly into hers and he lowered his lips to hers.

'Come on,' she grinned as they pulled apart and took his hand.

The first time around the rink Joey was pulling a frozen Pacey statue on wheels. The second time he seemed to have gotten the hang of it and by the third he was trying to make her go faster. With each completed circle they chatted easily about whatever came to mind, his hand firmly holding hers. It was such a delicious sensation to have her hand held by Pacey, that Joey didn't even consider the implications. It was on the fourth circle round that Pacey got cocky and tried to roll backwards. He only managed a couple of feet before he landed on his ass with a painful crash.

Joey couldn't stop laughing and that was a rare occurrence for her. Clutching her sides and rubbing her aching jaw she creased over whenever she looked at Pacey wallowing on the floor in self pity.

'So nice to know you care,' he muttered.

'That'll teach you to be such a swaggering boy about it all,' she teased and rolled to him. He reached up towards her and she took his hands. However, being much heavier than her he only served to pull her on top of him. 'Ouch,' Joey cursed and then buried her head in his chest.

'Are you ok?' Pacey was full of concern, but when Joey raised her teary eyes to his it was obvious they were caused by another bout of hysterics. One look at her and Pacey was a gonna.

Laughing and cursing they struggled to stand, not really helping each other much. Pacey, finally on two feet, rubbed his ass.

'You hurt yourself?' Joey asked with fake concern.

'Don't you start with me,' Pacey warned sternly.

'Did Pacey hurt his bottom?'

'Joey.'

'Is it all achy?'

'Right,' Pacey silenced her with a kiss that she welcomed. As they broke away his head was swimming and unfortunately so were his feet. With a hearty thump he was back on the floor. Joey was beside herself with laughter. She knew she should be concerned but she couldn't yet see the serious side. Watching her laugh with such abandon Pacey was a lost cause.

'I think that I need to sit down,' he groaned through laughter.

'I think you are,' she acknowledged, helping him carefully so she wouldn't fall as well.

'So droll Miss Potter,' he grinned as he finally made it to his feet.

'So what now?' she asked as they clambered off the rink.

'Slushies of course,' Pacey slung an arm around her and kissed her head gently. 'Come on my mean little girl.'

'Mean?'

* * *

'How's the blue?' Pacey asked looking at the electric blue of Joeys drink.

'Mmm ok,' she scrunched up her nose. 'How's the green?'

'So so,' his nose wrinkled in a mirror of hers. 'Swap?'

'Yeah,' they exchanged drinks.

'So is it to soon to ask whether you'd like to go out again?' Pacey feigned calm not wanting her to know how much her answer meant.

'Isn't it customary to wait until the end of the date?' she gave him a sultry smile.

'And when have I ever been a stickler for convention?' he teased.

'Hmmm good point,' she nodded. 'Your kiss at the beginning of the night was a little bold.'

'I prefer an adjective with a little more zest,' he intoned.

'Such as?'

'You could describe my kissing as sexy, mind blowing, amazing,' knowing full well she hadn't been describing his kiss.

'I was talking about your move not your kiss. Your decision to just do it.'

'Well it's a method that seems to be working,' he grinned and leaned forward.

'And what are you expecting?' she asked blankly. 'You're not expecting me to kiss you?'

'Come on Potter,' he knew she would for she had leaned into him. Slowly their lips met and neither could pull away from some time.

'Now why would I wait until the end of the evening to do something as goddamned amazing as that?'

'Cant think,' she shook her head her eyes still closed in a sexy fog.

* * *

Pacey pulled up in front of the B&B and jumped out, jogging round the truck to open Joey's door.

'You're home Miss Daisy,' he held her hand as she stepped out of the truck.

'You're sticking rigidly to date convention all of a sudden,' Joey smirked.

'Well that's what's so unconventional about me, the willingness to take a different approach,' he smiled as she held his hand to the door. 'So Joey would you go out with me again?'

'Yes I would,' she smiled.

'Good,' a smile worked its way from inside to every bit of him. 'So I'll see you tomorrow for Christmas dinner?' he asked softly.

'Yeah,' she nodded.

'Goodnight Jo,' he kissed her cheek softly and turned to go.

'Pacey,' she protested and pulled him back to her. Her kiss met his and they stood clinging to each other on the porch, his hands pulling her ever nearer. 'Goodnight,' she whispered as they broke apart and she pushed through the door.

'Joey,' it was his turn to protest and with a cheeky smile she opened the door again and gave him a wink. He entered without hesitation.

* * *

'God Jo,' Pacey murmured into the soft warmth of her neck. 'I want to taste every bit of you.' His hands pushed at her vest top and she shifted so he could lift it off her. 'You're beautiful,' his eyes greedily took her in as he marvelled at the mere fact he was able to see her and touch her.

Lowering his head he kissed the warm skin of her stomach, trailing kisses to the curve of her hip bones. Cautiously he tugged at her pyjama bottoms and with a soft moan she allowed him to remove them from her body so she lay naked before him. Lying beside her fully clothed Pacey allowed his fingers the liberty to dance across each exposed bit of skin. He wanted each part of her to know how much he adored her and his fingers were his missionaries as his lips kissed her wherever his fingers had been.

'Pacey,' her whimper was all her needed. Kissing down her hot skin he sought the warmth between her legs, desperate to know how she tasted. As he kissed her softly she gasped and then moaned tugging at his hair to pull him closer into her. Smiling to himself he willingly complied, touching and kissing until she groaned loudly her fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders.

Kissing back up her stomach he finally met her lips.

'You're as edible as I always thought,' he whispered softly into her ear, but she lay stretched out on her bed her eyes closed in delicious remembrance of the sensations only Pacey could cause. 'Joey,' he nudged her gently with a smile.

'Hmmmm did you say something?' she slanted her eyes towards him.

'Fickle mistress,' he chided.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Christmas day dawned clear and frosty. A thick layer of snow covered the cold ground and there was a fog hanging low, limiting vision. Alexander was out in the snow throwing snowballs at his aunt when Jack and Jen turned up. Immediately all four were engrossed in a massive snow ball fight, boys versus girls, as Grams rather timidly made for the house.

'Where's your backbone Grams?' Jen yelled after her.'You should fight with the girls!'

'It's an eighty plus year old back bone Jennifer,' Grams protested and promptly threw a snowball at her granddaughter before retreating indoors. Jack was laughing and pointing, but Jen launched an attack using the snowballs Joey had been stockpiling.

'And your Grams calls us children,' Joey grinned as the battle proceeded getting rather heated with the extra combatants.

'Is this a private war or can anyone join in?' Pacey casually strolled up a few minutes later.

'We call dibs on Pacey,' Jack yelled pointing to himself and Alexander eagerly.

'You guys are losing badly,' Pacey conceded and pelted Joey with a ball.

'Traitor,' Joey screamed, and she and Jen threw repetitive snowballs at him.

'I take it you and Pacey enjoyed your date,' Jen could see the chemistry between them even though they were stood twenty yards apart.

'You could say that,' Joey grinned and threw another snowball at him to emphasise her point.

'I'm making a snow angel,' Jack announced dropping to the ground in defeat.

'Why dude, we're winning?' Pacey scorned him.

'No we're not,' Jack spluttered. 'Come on Alexander, snow angels.' The little boy dropped to the floor beside him.

'Defeat is misery,' Pacey moaned and dropped to the floor alongside Alexander.

'And victory is sweet,' Joey knelt down and kissed him quickly.

'Woah, hey, what the hell? What did I miss?' Jack sat up abruptly staring at Joey and Pacey as they kissed.

'Pacey made a move,' Jen filled him in.

'And we went on a date,' Joey smiled. 'Pacey fell on his ass and I was so impressed I agreed to a second.'

'And Dawson knows?' Jack couldn't believe it.

'Not exactly,' Pacey looked to Joey.

'I'm going to tell him today or when I see him,' Joey assured.

'So does that mean you're dating me?' Pacey's eyes searched hers.

'I suppose two dates makes it plural,' Joey winked and he covered her face in impulsive kisses.

'Dinner is almost ready,' Bessie yelled out of the back door.

'Oh yeah, Merry Christmas you guys,' Joey smiled and they all exploded into chatter.

* * *

Dinner passed in a haze of eggnog and turkey. Bodie had cooked a veritable feast and everyone ate seconds and thirds. Crackers were pulled and small gifts given and eventually the post dinner haze kicked in. Bessie washed the dishes with Jack and Jen whilst Grams dozed in a chair by the fire. Bodie and Alex played a game of cards around the table whilst Pacey and Joey sat on the porch wrapped up in their coats and under a thick blanket.

'How did your parents take it when you said you were coming here for Christmas dinner?' Joey asked softly.

'Well, my dad was passed out drunk on the couch by eleven, Doug is working, and Gretchen is in New York with her boyfriend. Mom said we shouldn't bother with Christmas this year.'

'So it was all ok?' she snuggled closer to him.

'It's never all ok at my house,' he admitted.

'What happened?'

'Just my dad being my dad. That's all. I dared to mention that college might be happening. He thought we had discussed it, that we'd decided it wasn't for me,' Pacey looked at her.

'You decide what's for you Pace. If you're enjoying Worthington lets make sure we keep it happening, but when you stop enjoying it that's ok to,' she leant her head on his shoulder.

'Would it matter to you?'

'Would what matter to me?' she looked back up at him.

'If I wasn't at Worthington, if I wasn't doing well. If I decided to leave it all and just worked at the restaurant?'

'Pacey,' her surprise was evident. 'Of course not. I like you for being you. I don't care what you do, just that it makes you happy. If that's what you want, of course that's fine.'

'It's not. I want to stay at Worthington with you. I just wanted to know, because there is a chance it won't last forever, not for me,' he looked at her with his wide blue eyes.

'I really couldn't care less Of course I care about keeping you there for as long as that's what you want, but I'm not going to judge you by your academic achievements. You know that surely?' Joey kissed his neck.

'Yeah I do. Just after my dad I wanted to make sure,' he pulled her nearer with his arm. 'I really, really love you,' the words just had to be said. Just sitting with her, talking about things, knowing he just had to be happy for her to be happy with him made him feel content in a way he'd never known before.

'I know,' she murmured into the crook of his neck.

'You know?' Pacey pretended to be indignant. He knew she was still figuring things out. He hoped she was catching up to him, but that would remain to be seen.

'That's right,' she nodded and caught his lips with hers. 'This has been a good Christmas.'

'It has, huh,' he agreed.

'And we've still got our second date,' Joey sniffed his skin enjoying the effect his scent had on her.

'So where are you taking me?'

'If you're going to play like that,' Joey shook her head and made to stand. Pacey caught her pulling her back against him.

'It's all set for the day after tomorrow, like we planned,' he told her.

'That's more like it Witter,' she cooed nibbling his ear.

'You're ok with going to see your dad tomorrow?'

'I am. Bessie and I are going together,' she closed off slightly but then relaxed into his embrace again. 'I've seen him since he's been back inside and it's ok. I don't really speak. I don't need to really. There'll be a time, but I don't think it's that time yet.'

'Well when the time is right you fetch me and I'll bring twenty bucks,' he teased her softly alluding back to the time he had taken her years before.

* * *

Pacey was rather proud of the second date he had arranged with Joey. He had to admit he'd been lucky because it wasn't a normal occurrence, but it had worked out well.

'Are we going to dinner?' Joey guessed.

'No.'

'Not the roller rink again?' Joey teased and patted his thigh.

'Definitely not,' he grinned.

'Then where?' they'd been driving for almost an hour and had been playing the guessing game for a few minutes.

'You'll see because we are just about there,' Pacey checked his rear view mirror and turned into a parking lot. 'Now we walk.' Jumping out of the car he jogged around to open her door.

* * *

'How on earth did you find this?' Joey's jaw had dropped in pleasant surprise.

'It might be terrible, but I figured it was worth a try,' he grinned. He'd been surprised to see the advert in the paper in Boston. It was for a small production of _Little Women_. He knew back then that he wanted to take Joey and was pleased for the opportunity.

'Can we go in?' she was hopping from foot to foot excitedly.

'Of course,' he chuckled.

* * *

Following her first kiss with Pacey, Joey wanted to kiss him whenever she was near him. Following her second date with Pacey, she wanted to kiss him all the time whether he was there to remind her of it or not. But the issue of Dawson remained, looming around them, though not overshadowing them. On the evening following their second date Joey couldn't tell Dawson because everyone was together. The day after that Dawson was visiting Aunt Gwen. The evening after that Pacey was taking her out to dinner and then it was New Years Eve. By New Years Eve it was virtually impossible for either one to keep their hands to themselves but they knew they had to until Dawson was told. Jen and Jack were throwing a New Years Eve party at Grams rented cottage while she went to see some old friends. It would be a small party with the usual suspects as well as Gretchen and Doug.

'Will you tell him tonight?' Pacey asked as they stood preparing to knock.

'I will,' but she sounded unconvinced.

'Why are you holding back?'

'I'm not, it's just difficult. We've only just become friends after I finished with him, but I will tell him,' she pleaded with him to understand.

'I'll tell him if you want?'

'You'd do that? Despite what he might do?' Joey kissed him impetuously.

'Yes I'd do that for you,' Paceys cheeks burned.

'Tell you what, I'll go find him and we'll have a little talk straight away,' Joey couldn't quite bare to let Pacey go.

'Well now there's no hurry,' he drew her closer deepening the kiss. Her arms snuck inside his coat wanting to feel him properly. His hands in her hair he groaned softly, 'you make me want you so much.'

'That's a good thing right?' she looked at him her wide eyes innocent.

'It's a great thing. Kissing you is better than eating chocolate,' he complimented and she laughed.

'Well then do it again,' she battered her lashes and he drank in the warmth of her mouth.

'What the fuck are you two doing?' Dawsons clipped tones broke into the intimate moment. They stopped kissing but didn't move apart.

'How long have you been stood there?' Joey asked.

'Long enough,' his face was tightly drawn.

'I was going to tell you tonight,' Joey looked at her feet feeling like a chastised little kid again.

'So I heard,' his voice was hard and unforgiving. 'Just one question. How long has this been going on?'

'About a week,' Joey answered honestly.

'I was talking to Pacey,' Dawson glared at them both. Pacey didn't answer immediately. 'Answer the question man? How long?'

'Almost three years,' Pacey stared him in the eye. He had nothing to be ashamed of.

'Three years? Three years?' Dawson couldn't seem to take it in.

'This is serious,' Pacey held onto Joey's hand.

'Serious,' Dawson scoffed. 'How can it be serious? This is you Pacey. What do you take seriously? And Joey, how could you? How could you just end things with me and jump into them with Pacey? Where's your self-respect?'

'Dawson,' she beseeched him with tears in her eyes.

'No don't talk. I want to get this straight in my head. You two are deluded enough to think that something between you might work? You think you could actually make her happy? That you know what it takes? You've defied the essence of what friendship is. You're a deceptive...'Dawsons tirade was far from over when Joey interrupted him,

'Shut up Dawson, just shut up,' she shouted the words with tears streaming down her face. Both boys stared at her. 'If anyone is deceptive in their friendship it's you. You claim to be our best friend and yet you cant see how happy he makes me. All you want to do is damage and destroy something that everyone else sees as positive. You see your two friends happy and it makes you sad which I'm sorry about. I'm sorry you found out that way, but why do you have to do this Dawson? Why punish us? We didn't set out to hurt you on purpose,' her voice choked and Pacey pulled her too him,

'I'm sorry man, I really am. Not for loving her but for hurting you.'

'You think you love her? That's what you think?' Dawson was practically spitting at Pacey. Dawson turned and headed into the night and Pacey held Joey closer.

'Are you ok?' he asked after a pause.

'Actually I am,' she sniffed.

'You don't seem ok,' he gave her a look.

'But I am,' she faked a smile and they went into the cottage.

* * *

'And so she's ok with his reaction?' Jen's mouth hung open.

'Does she look ok?' Pacey asked and they both looked to where Joey was sipping down the remains of Grams eggnog with Jack. She looked happy enough chatting with Jack about something that involved Jack making a very weird expression, but she was sipping on the alcoholic drink with a little too much enthusiasm.

'So she's just absorbing. She didn't run away like you thought,' Jen looked at him.

"But there is still time.'

'She's not going anywhere,' Jen told him with certainty.

'How do you know?'

'Because she's looked over here like twenty times in the last three minutes and every time she catches your eye she smiles just a little bit when she looks away again.'

'She does, doesn't she?' he grinned.

'Bare with her. Dawson's been a crutch to the girl since she was little. Knowing you love her has been with her for just over a week,' Jen gave his shoulder a squeeze.

'Thank you yoda, your advice is good,' Pacey gave her a little bow.

* * *

'It's almost New Year missy,' Pacey accosted Joey who gave him a wide smile.

'I was looking for you,' she chimed.

'Wanted a New Years kiss?' he teased.

'I wanted a pre New Years kiss,' she explained and so he kissed her.

* * *

They were finally back in their dorm room. Bodie had dropped them off on the second of January so Joey could take her re-sit and Pacey could return to the restaurant. Dawson hadn't been in touch and neither of them had attempted contacting him either. What pleased Pacey was that Joey didn't seem to care nearly as much as he expected her to. He knew that eventually the friendship would be fixed. That both he and Joey would want to fix it, but it made him happy that it hadn't seemed to make much of a difference to her growing affection for him.

'All alone at last,' he murmured patting the space on the bed beside him. Joey tucked her hair behind her ears and rolled her eyes.

'You're so predictable,' she told him.

'And I'd always considered myself to have a roguish unpredictability,' he crossed his hands behind his head as he lay down against her pillows.

'I think you're hoping I'm going to come over there and return some of that affection you've been bestowing on me,' she arched a brow.

'Well now that might be enjoyable,' he agreed with a smug smile as she made her way to him and sat down on the bed next to him. Running her hand down his chest and onto his baggy jeans she was surprised to find him already hard for her. Experimenting a little with her hands she got used to how he felt, surprised how much it turned her on to just feel him. A groan from him made her smile and still a little shy she unbuckled his belt.

'Jo you don't have to,' he told her. 'I was kidding.'

'Maybe I want to,' she kissed him, allowing him to pull her on top of him for a long moment before she returned her attention to his jeans. She popped the buttons of his jeans open and hesitated for a moment. He felt bigger than she'd imagined and feeling the heat and the hardness made her feel strangely like pulling all her clothes off and making him naked as well. She tugged at his boxers and then put her hands back to his naked flesh.

'Fuck Joey,' he murmured as she experimented to find what he did and didn't like. She took a moment to look at him, laying back on the bed, jeans around his ankles and the same cocky nonchalance he'd had through their youth. Only now his cocky nonchalance was unbelievably sexy to her and his cock was throbbing in her hand. She moaned softly as his hand found its way to her breast.

Without thinking enough to worry she lowered her head to his stomach and kissed the warm skin, her kisses trailing lower, until she kissed him on the tip of his cock. He groaned and that was all she needed to urge her on. She took him into her mouth and again experimented with kissing, touching, licking and sucking to discover just what made him groan in that adorable way he had. Soon he had to hold back to stop himself thrusting into her mouth,

'Jo,' he cautioned but it turned into a loud moan. 'Oh shit fuck, oh my god,' he couldn't think straight as he came into her mouth. 'Oh shit Jo. Jo, I'm sorry,' he pulled her to him as she swallowed.

'Don't be,' she kissed his cheek. 'It's good for your skin, it contains zinc apparently or so Jen says.'

'That was absolutely amazing,' he kissed her repetitively.

'Not bad for a rookie huh?' she gave a smug smile and snuggled against him. He held her close to him, intermittently smiling and kissing her, feeling a little ridiculous with his clothes bunched at his ankles but not really caring.

Joey yawned and stretched against Pacey. They'd fallen asleep after talking and a little more fooling around. Moving to the edge of the bed Pacey's hand automatically reached for her.

'I'm going to check our messages,' she laughed softly as he rubbed his eyes.

He woke up properly just so he could watch her cross the room in her bra and panties and slip on her pyjama bottoms and vest. She looked more stunning to him every time he looked at her and he couldn't understand how he'd managed to underestimate her beauty so badly the second before. She put the phone to her ear and listened to the messages.

'Exams at 1,' she told him, 'Gretchen called just saying it was nice to see us over Christmas together,' she continued to listen but didn't say anything further making Pacey wonder if Dawson had called.

'Did Dawson ring?' he asked eventually.

'No just some college crap,' she averted her eyes and he got the impression she was lying.

'Are you ok?' he took a safer tact.

'I'm wonderful,' she smiled brightly and padded back across the room to him. 'Here's your post.' She got in so they were head to tail under the covers and opened her own post in a distracted silence. When she was done she shoved the letters into her knapsack.

'Jo, you'd tell me if something was up?' he couldn't hide his concern and Joey loved him for it.

'Of course I would,' she jumped out of bed and got back in next to him wrapping her arms tightly around him as if shed never let him go.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**_Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea_**

Prior to Christmas Pacey had worked Wednesdays, and as time ticked into the New Year he continued to do so. Three weeks after the start of the new semester Pacey arrived back from the restaurant to find the room empty. It was quite normal for him not to find Joey there. Often she would catch up with school work and then Jen, Jack or Monica. Occasionally he would find Joey being the over achiever of their youth and burning the midnight oil in the library. Even more occasionally he'd find her lying on her bed painting her toe nails, or writing to Bessie. Whenever she wasn't in the room, she always left him a note - sometimes inviting him, at other times just letting him know where she was.

Upon finding the room empty, Pacey automatically looked towards his bed, frowning slightly when he saw that there wasn't a note. It didn't bother him that Joey hadn't let him know where she was, it was just unusual. Wondering over to the computer that was humming in the corner he laughed at the screensaver,

_Hey sexy, yeah that's you Pace, just so you know I made it to coffee with Monica, so you didn't need to worry about my ability to sleep, I think those things you do to me make me deliciously tired_

_Long message Potter_, he thought with a smug smile of satisfaction, the absence of a note forgotten. Sitting at the computer he was just settling into his work when Joey burst into the room apparently in a great hurry. She stopped abruptly when she saw him,

'Hey there my girl,' he greeted her.

'I thought you were on until 6,' she seemed caught off guard, apprehensive somehow.

'I got off an hour early. That's not a problem I hope?' he looked at her uncertainly as she stood in the doorway looking flustered, not greeting him with a warm kiss and "other stuff" as was becoming more normal.

'Of course not Pacey,' she cracked a big smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. 'I just didn't leave you a note because I thought I'd be back before you.'

'Come here,' he murmured softly. She crossed the room and into his arms. 'You're a free agent Joey. Sure I like to know what you're up to but that's because I'm interested in your life, not because I'm keeping tabs on it. You never owe me an explanation or a note, unless of course its a big deal like you're going to disappear for the night or days at a time,' he gave her a long kiss.

'Thanks Pace,' she smiled brightly. 'I only went for a walk anyway.'

'Where to?' he nuzzled her neck.

'The Emerald Necklace - it's beautiful there.'

'It is nice,' he murmured kissing her neck, beginning the other stuff they were both so fond of.

* * *

'Morning gorgeous,' Pacey grinned as she turned in her sleep, a pout on her beautiful lips. 'I got you coffee,' an eye opened, just the one, and appraised him and the situation.

'I don't drink coffee anymore. Just peppermint tea,' she told him rather haughtily and shut the eye. Opening the covers she patted the space beside her lazily, 'in,' she told him. Setting the mug on the bedside table he slipped back into bed.

'We'll be late for class Jo, and peppermint tea? Seriously?' he looked at her disdainfully.

'We'll get up in a second, and yes from now on peppermint tea!'

'Did you read that article Jen was shoving around about the aging effects of caffeine? And it's bad effect on teeth? I tell you it had quite the effect on Jack to,' he asked suspiciously.

'Mmmmm,' she didn't seem to be listening and as her fingers ran across his body he forgot all about the conversation at hand, absorbed in the process of loving her because she was clearly intent on loving him.

* * *

'Joey, what on earth is with you?' Pacey growled in frustration.

'Nothing is with me,' she told him politely.

'So why the hell are my pop tarts in the garbage? And what happened to you being the tidy one?' he eyed the clothes strewn across the floor. 'And for that matter the studious one?' he looked at her sprawled on her bed engrossed in some erotic fiction.

'I am studying,' she gave him a pointed look. Taking in the reading matter he grinned.

'And how about some tea to aid the study?' he offered gallantly.

'Seriously Pace,' she put down the book, 'I'm not annoying you?'

'Lord no woman, just confusing me. Why are my pop tarts in the trash?' he repeated the first question of his tirade.

'Cereal for breakfast is much better for you,' she explained. 'Pop tarts are mostly sugar and they'll rot your teeth!'

'Ok,' he bent to retrieve his pop tarts from the rubbish. 'Now get back to studying you,' he told her sternly.

'Yes sir,' she smiled and picked up her book.

* * *

Returning at around eight from a shift at the restaurant, Pacey read the note on his bed explaining that Joey was in Monica's room defending her territory to the nasty Tina. He knew this was an important task. Joey adored Monica and vice versa, and so she was definitely keen to help. Instinctively he picked up the phone to listen to messages.

'Hello, this is another message for Josephine Potter. Please could you respond to the letters and phone calls. It is rather important...' An unfamiliar voice told him rather officiously. They left a number which he scribbled down wondering what use a number was without a name.

'Hey Jo, Pace, it's Jen - can you guys come out tomorrow night? Meet at Hells Kitchen around nine? Go on you know you want to. Love ya.'

'Joey, it's Dawson. I know we haven't spoken since New Year. You probably expected me to call but I needed some time. I wish you had decided to call. But you haven't and that's your business. Could you please call me now? I'd like to at least talk.'

Pacey almost dropped the phone in surprise. He had assumed Dawson had been in touch and he suddenly wasn't sure why. Ever since the first day back in Boston when Joey had listened to the messages he'd had the impression she was hiding something, that she was distracted in some way. He had assumed it was Dawson, it was always his first assumption but the message just told him that neither had been in contact with the other._ Of course that doesn't rule out Dawson being the cause of her distraction_, he tapped the phone distractedly. _So why do I think Joey is being weird? Because she is being weird, just not in a way I can pinpoint. She was definitely lying when she said the call was just college, and when she didn't leave me a note last week she was hiding something then, I'm sure of it. But do I ask what and push her or do I give her time and hope she'll talk to me? _

* * *

'Hey sweet Jo! How did it go with Monica?'

'Tina is so mean to her. Poor Monica just wanted to reassert the fact that it is her room as well,' she landed a kiss on his lips slipping her hands under his shirt.

'Is that what you're trying to do with the mess? Reassert ownership of the room?' he teased.

'I'll tidy up tomorrow Pace I promise.'

'I don't care Jo, just means you cant moan at me when you're back to being tidy and I'm my messy self!'

'That's what you think,' she yawned. 'I'm so tired.'

'Well you work hard, you play hard,' he rubbed her shoulders.

'Can we go to bed and read our book?' she looked at him with big eyes that he couldn't refuse if he wanted to, which he didn't.

'That sounds perfect,' he kissed her cheek and she made to get up. 'Jo,' he stopped her hesitantly.

'Hmmm?'

'Are you ok?' he spoke gently knowing Joey would get defensive.

'I'm fine,' her shields were rising up.

'Jo, I'm not accusing, I'm just asking. I just want to check things are ok,' he cupped her face with his hand.

'I'm fine Pace, I'm happy. You make me happy,' she kissed him to emphasise her point.

'Ok,' he decided to leave it there. 'Jo there are some messages on the machine for you.'

'Oh,' she didn't seem particularly happy to hear about it but she got off his lap and headed to the phone. Pacey carefully observed her face as she listened to them. Firstly her face wore a distinct frown and then she grinned and finally she turned kind of pale.

'Dawson rang,' she stared across the room at him.

'I know.'

'So should I call him?'

'If you want to?'

'I don't know if I want to,' she scowled at the phone, indecision etched on her features.

'So think about it,' he watched her hand flit over the necessary numbers but not actually press them.

'Would you mind if I called him?'

'Joey, he was your best friend for years, you've been through a lot together, I know that things will inevitably be repaired between you both,' he hoped she couldn't tell how much it hurt to say it.

'What about you and him? The same is true,' she challenged him.

'Maybe,' he thought about calling him and knew he didn't really want to.

'Would you call him for me?'

'I'd do anything for you,' Pacey told her truthfully.

'Well, I want you to do it for you as well as me, so lets leave it lets think about it.'

* * *

Pacey watched Joey carefully under the guise of reading a book. It was something he'd done since school, when he wasn't able to openly look at her and love her, and somehow the habit hadn't died. Lying on the bed he held the book on his knees, but his eyes watched her over the top. They had been back for just over a month and classes were in full swing. Joey should have been working but instead she had an old sketch pad out. She wasn't drawing anything particular, more random doodles, but she had a soft smile on her face that made Pacey's heart contract suddenly, overwhelmed with the love he had for her.

'What are you drawing?' he asked softly.

'Thinking about my costume for the Superhero party,' she smiled. 'I want to make up a character. I was thinking the _Capeside Warrior_ or _The Poetry Poser, _or even getting myself a cape and being _The caped Capeside crusader_,' Pacey stared at her serious expression and couldn't help but laugh.

'This is a serious business I'll have you know,' she told him off, 'you need to be thinking about your's you could end up in lycra.'

'No way will I end up in lycra! I think I'll have to be the _Caped Capeside Crusaders_ sidekick, _Jailbate_,' he wondered over to her bed, abandoning his fake reading and tucked her hair behind her ear for her.

'Ooooh, I like that,' her eyes shone and she scribbled on the pad. As she scribbled he made suggestions here and there.

'You're really beautiful you know,' he'd turned to her and kissed her cheek, then her mouth and then her cheek again. She just blushed and looked down, the compliment not sitting comfortably with her. 'You'll have to believe me one day because it's never going to change.' She didn't reply just deepened the kiss, allowing his hands to wonder and make her feel special in that special Pacey way.

* * *

Pacey was studying alone in his dorm room. Joey was out with Jen and Monica on a shopping trip for necessary materials for the Superhero party. After the shopping trip the girls had planned a girls night out. He was having trouble concentrating and he had just picked up the phone to call Jack when the phone in his hand started to ring.

'Hello,' Pacey cheered into the phone, relieved for any interruption.

'Is it possible to speak to Josephine Potter please,' a rather stern voice enquired.

'I'm afraid she's out at the moment,' Pacey grabbed for a pen and paper, 'Can I take a message.'

'Can you ask her to call me on this number,' the lady passed on the number, 'so we can arrange an appointment for her with Mr Singe.'

'Sure,' Pacey scribbled down the note.

'Please could you ensure she does so, we've tried to get hold of her several times?'

'Will do,' Pacey assured her and hung up frowning slightly. After a moments contemplation he called Jack.

* * *

Joey let herself into her room late that night, the world tilting slightly in the darkened room. Tiptoeing to Pacey's bed she ran a hand over his arm.

'Did you have fun getting drunk with Jack?' she cooed him awake. She was crouched by the side of his bed where he was sleeping soundly.

'Joey,' he complained wrapping the covers more tightly around himself.

'Did you have fun eyeing up all the boys together?'

'Did you guys have fun eyeing up all the boys?' he volleyed her question back to her keeping his eyes tightly shut, holding on to the pretence of sleep.

'We had a lovely time being eyed up by all the boys,' she yanked the covers from his grip and slid into the bed beside him.

'Lord woman but you're a pain in the ass.'

'But you love me,' she nibbled his ear and was satisfied by the deep groan that emitted from him as he pulled her hips to his.

'I'm sleeping,' he complained.

'Doesn't seem that way,' she looked pointedly between them where there was no space with her eyebrows raised.

'Joey,' he sniffed at her skin which led to him placing tiny butterfly kisses down her throat his hardness pressing into her in a way that made her breathless.

* * *

The following morning Pacey remembered the phone message as he and Joey drank peppermint tea.

'Jo, some woman called for you yesterday,' he passed her the notebook. 'She said it was important you call and make an appointment with Mr Singe. Who's Mr Singe anyway?'

'My dentist,' she revealed after a pause, frowning slightly at the piece of paper suddenly distracted.

'A visit to the dentist is important?'

'If I tell you something, you wont tell anyone, right?' she looked at him with wide eyes. He shook his head and waited, 'It's just I need to have a filling and I've never had a filling and I'm terrified,' he looked at her panicked face and laughed. 'He said I might get an abscess?' she looked disgusted.

'Look hun, you'll need to get it sorted eventually. I could come with you?'

'No,' she practically shouted. 'You don't need to come with me because I'm not going. Not yet anyway,' she said the latter more softly. 'They keep calling and every time they do I get so scared,' she stuffed her palms into her eye sockets and took a deep breath.

'Ok, ok,' he rubbed her shoulders smirking at her irrational fear. 'You want to know something stupid?' Pacey thought back over all her slightly "_off_" behaviour. The pop tarts in the trash, the switch to peppermint tea all began to make sense.

'Sure,' she shrugged slightly, lowering her hands.

'I thought you were talking to Dawson and that was making you so distracted.'

'I haven't been distracted and certainly not over Dawson,' she protested.

'Sure you haven't sweetheart,' he hugged her. 'Peppermint tea, clothes everywhere, lack of study so very you!' He felt a wave of relief.

* * *

Pacey was concerned when he found Joey sat in the canteen in careful concentration. Normally she'd be with Monica or another friend but no one else seemed to be around. It was late for lunch and so it wasn't altogether surprising that the place was mostly deserted, it was just her decision to stay there alone.

'Hey,' he plonked down beside her.

'Hey yourself,' she smiled brightly at his sudden presence.

'You're looking all pensive.'

'Pace, have you got twenty bucks?' she frowned slightly clearly still thinking about things he wasn't privy to.

'Sure,' he pulled out his wallet and took out the note, but she gave him a meaningful look.

'Now?' he asked surprised.

'If that's ok?'

'Course it is. We'll have to take the bus,' he watched her nod and shrugged.

'Come on then,' he took her hand and they headed out.

* * *

Joey and Pacey stood together on the dark perimeter of the prison yard waiting while the guard went to fetch Mike Potter. The twenty bucks had been forty this time but Pacey didn't mind. If Joey wanted to see her dad then she should get to see her dad. As Pacey watched Mike Potter walk across the grounds he realised how much Joeys dad had changed. He looked rougher around the edges and older in a way that surprised Pacey who hadn't seen him for several years.

'Joey,' he seemed so pleased to see her. 'Hello Pacey,' Mike turned his attention to the boy when Joey didn't immediately respond. 'How are you Joey?' Mike was clearly hoping there was a reason for her visit because she hadn't said a word at Christmas.

'I'm sorry dad,' Joey looked at her feet shuffling them awkwardly. 'For what I did.' Pacey wanted to hold her but it wasn't the moment.

'You shouldn't be sorry Joey, not any more.'

'I just wish things had turned out differently,' her voice was small and suddenly childlike.

'I screwed up. It was all me. I should have done everything I could to stay clean,' Mikes voice cracked.

'That's not what I meant, I mean of course that, I just wish things hadn't fallen apart like they did when mom got sick and you got bored and money got tight,' a tear escaped her eye.

'I was never bored, I was weak Joey. Your mother was everything to me,' Mikes emotions were raw.

'Retrospect is a great thing,' Joey told him with Potter sarcasm.

'I'm sorry Joey for screwing up your life.'

'But you didn't screw up my life. You made my life difficult, you and mom both did, leaving me without a family. Only you had a choice in the matter both times,' her tone was harder.

'I'm sorry,' he began again.

'Stop saying sorry,' she almost screamed at him and Pacey jumped forward an arm around her shoulders.

'You have good friends,' Mike clung onto the wire fencing and onto the safe topic of friends.

'Yes I do,' Joey couldn't look at him, 'Pacey is more than a friend though, 'she finally caught her fathers eye.

'And what about Dawson?' under Paceys arm Joey seemed to be relaxing and Mike decided to take advantage.

'Dawson doesn't like not getting what he wants - in that aspect he's like you.'

'But I missed out on everything I really wanted,' Mike protested but Joey just shrugged. 'How long have you been together?' he asked.

'Not long, but it's different with Pacey,' Joey revealed unexpectedly.

'You deserve to be happy and to be loved properly,' Mike ruefully looked at his feet.

'I wanted to come see you today dad,' Joey began and he looked up. 'I wanted to come see you today so you knew that things change. That things inevitably change. You talked about Dawson and I at Christmas as if it were destiny. Well destiny is not a fixed point and fate is ever evolving. If and when you are released from here you wont know me and I wont know you. I'm not a child anymore and that's just the truth of it.'

'I know,' Mike sounded hopelessly lost under her honesty.

'And I had a question I want answered?' she looked at him with unshed tears.

'Anything Jo?'

'When my mom lay dying in our house, what made you go with another woman? I thought you loved her and I just don't understand,' there wasn't accusation just inquiry.

'Joey I loved your mother more than life itself and when she got sick I got scared. Scared beyond anything I'd ever known before and I reacted badly.'

'You see thats what scares me. It would be better if you hadn't loved her because to know that someone who could love me that much, could then get scared and hurt me as much as you hurt mom, that is what stops me sleeping at night. To imagine that Pacey who loves me like I've never known anyone love me before could do that,' Joey shook her head sadly.

'But Pacey's not me,' her dad pointed out. 'He's not weak.'

'No he's not,' Joey nodded with certainty as if she had the answer she had come for. Leaning forward she kissed her fathers cheek. 'Goodbye dad.'

'Goodbye Joey, Pacey.'

* * *

'You ok?' Pacey could barely contain his emotion as they sat on the bus together, her head resting on his shoulder, their fingers entwined.

'I feel better,' she smiled a truly honest smile and Pacey kissed her.

'Me to,' he held her close.

'I just want to be home now, in bed with you,' she told him.

'How long I've waited to hear you say that,' Pacey gave her a smug smile.

'Thank you for coming with me and bribing the guard again.'

'It was the same guard, you notice?' Pacey arched a brow at her.

'Yeah I noticed,' she kissed his neck.

'So why now? Can I ask, or is that just for you?'

'You can ask Pace. Now was just the right time. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. It's been a weird time for me - I don't think I've ever been quite so happy. First with Worthington and you, and now with you in the new way. You know me and happiness - I'm always waiting for something to destroy it,' she sighed softly.

'Nothing is going to destroy this,' Pacey tried to assure her but he knew she didn't quite believe him.

'That was a question I've wanted to ask my dad for years and he gave me the right answer.'

* * *

A few of weeks later, Joey sat on the floor of her dorm room. She'd tidied up imperiously and even done the washing. Her work was all up to date and she even had an assignment finished that wasn't due in for a week. She had angled the long mirror in front of herself and she was staring into this meditatively. Her long hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders. She'd just had a shower and had used a hot oil treatment thing. It had done its job because her hair felt barely there soft and it was shining in the afternoon sunlight. She'd been sat for several minutes since she'd finished blow drying it and she was simply enjoying the chance to sit and examine herself.

After a few more minutes Joey scraped her hair back into a ponytail holding it in place with her hand. With only a moments hesitation she reached for the scissors she'd bought that morning. With several officious clips her hair fell to the floor around her.

* * *

Pacey, Jen, Jack and Monica were stood in the entrance to Joey and Paceys dorm room staring. They were momentarily caught off guard and stood as if frozen. They'd expected Joey to be finishing off a quick bit of work but she was sat in the middle of the floor, hands covering her eyes, her hair spread all about her on the floor.

'Jo baby,' Pacey rushed to her, crouching in front of her and gently moved her hands from her eyes. 'It's just a hair cut,no reason to cry,' he kissed her cheeks.

'I just thought...' she sniffed hopelessly.

'Ahhh, come here little miss,' he wrapped her in a Pacey hug.

'It's a really, really bad haircut,' she cried into his shirt in self-pity and suddenly all her friends were beside her. 'I wanted a change and so I just cut off my pony tail, you know like that girl from politics class. I just went too short,' she sniffed again.

'The only mistake about this haircut is that you should have got me to help!' Jen told her brushing Pacey out of the way and picking up the scissors, snipping here and there. 'All girls need a change, and I know you're all self-sufficient, but if you're not going to fork out for a salon cut, you must always get a friend to help.'

'These will look nice,' Monica passed Jen an array of pretty clips from her bag.

'What on earth possessed you Jo?' Jen winked light heartedly as the haircut got cuter. 'Just because you're pretty enough to pull off long and short hair is no reason to show off!'

'Ha, ha,' Joeys sarcasm rolled through her emotions.

'Jo I'm going to leave you girls to it, take Jack to Hells Kitchen,' Pacey judged the situation and knew that Jen would take care of her. 'You look beautiful you know!'

'So you don't hate me?' she looked up at him with wide questioning eyes.

'Because of a haircut crisis?' he was incredulous.

'Yeah and because I don't have long hair anymore?'

'Joey, I'd love you without a hair on your head and don't you forget it!' he kissed her nose, but she tugged at his shirt pulling him into a hug.

'Joey,' Jen complained, scissors mid clip, but her friend didn't seem to care.

'I think I love you,' she told Paceys chest.

'You think or you know?' he wanted to know before he set the happiness free.

'I know,' she looked up at him, 'I've known for a long time now. I really know for sure.'

'Well now that's very good to hear,' Pacey's voice cracked suspiciously from the tears that had sprung unbidden to his eyes as he kissed her head softly.

Their friends looked on with broad smiles.

'Ok, ok moment over. I need to finish my work,' Jen announced when there was no sign of movement.

'I was hoping to prolong the moment Lindley,' Pacey complained.

'Lets go Pace,' Jack grabbed him and dragged him from the room, a happy goofy grin fixed on his face.

* * *

'Can you believe she loves me?' Pacey cradled the phone under his chin.

'That's good to hear little brother,' Doug Witter's tone was bland but had a small note of tenderness that Pacey's ear was practiced enough to pick up on,

'I thought...I don't know what I thought but she loves me!'

'So you said,' Doug laughed.

* * *

Pacey watched Joey as she got ready for bed and felt so in love with her. Nothing had been a let down since he had started dating her. Every day she amazed him more and more.

'What?' she felt his eyes on her.

'Can I?' he asked indicating the brush in her hand.

'Ok,' she nodded embarrassed by her new shoulder length hair. Jen had done a wonderful job with it. It fell softly to her shoulders wit a few layers, flattering her face. Pacey took the brush from her and ran it through her hair for several minutes until she stilled his hand and took the brush from him.

'Pacey,' she kissed him softly. 'I want you to take me to bed.' She didn't need to say anything more because he knew she wasn't talking about sleeping.

'Are you sure?' he still couldn't quite believe it.

'Pacey I love you. You are the nicest guy I've ever met. You bring me coffee every morning and make sure I don't miss class, and you know what I need when I feel sick, you always switch the station back to alternative when you've been listening to rock so its ready to go when I turn on. You loved me without pushing me and without response,' Joey trailed her fingers over him and pulled at his t-shirt removing it so that her hands were on his perfect bare chest. 'You look after me in so many ways, in so many little ways that all together make something really big. Don't think I don't appreciate them all because I do Pacey. I love you and I want you to take me to bed.'

She pulled him to her and kissed him again until he realized she was serious and he began to touch her to. As the electricity crackled between them they grew impatient to further tentative explorations. Pacey had never craved any girl like he craved her and he physically and emotionally ached for her. Joey's nails clawed at his skin as he pressed against her, small moans evaporating on her lips as her body ached to be closer to him. Her thin nightclothes were in the way for he wanted to touch her skin, to taste it. He pulled at the offending items until they were gone and stared at her, his breath momentarily caught in his throat as he took in her beauty, her sexiness, the unbelievable fact that she was his. Then his hands were on that smooth soft skin and control was gone as he touched her naked curves, loving the feel of her until the two of them were falling onto the bed his hips thrusting against her, desperate to be closer.

He lay on top of her looking at her large eyes shining with desire, the lids drooping slightly with lust. Joey pulled at him bringing his mouth to hers exploring it and allowing her hands to touch the warm smooth tan of his flat, muscular stomach. Kneeling between her legs he bent his head to her chest drawing her nipple into his mouth and she groaned pulling him to her again using the waistband of his boxers, which she began to push down. He took her hand,

'You're sure?' he asked and she nodded desperate to feel his skin on hers. His boxers were gone and they lay naked together their desire yet to be sated.

'Please,' she urged him and she pulled his hand and put it between her legs where he felt the heat and the dampness that made him groan loudly and pull her beneath him where he pressed himself against her.

'Oh god Joey,' he groaned incapable, feeling hedonistic, impulsive, in love and overcome with desire. Feeling her naked beneath him and knowing she wanted him where he wanted to be, he pressed against her and felt her legs open a little.

'Condom,' she moaned softly. He couldn't believe he had almost forgotten a condom, something that he had never let happen before. He quickly retrieved one from the cabinet beside the bed. Swiftly, he removed the wrapper and put it on and then lay back between her legs.

He shifted as he felt the ache of desire in his cock intensify at her hot damp entrance, as she felt herself throb for the want of him. Then he was pushing into her, unable to stop despite the gasp and long moan that escaped her lips. She breathed his name over and over as he moved slowly inside her and then out again. Then his hips found a rhythm of their own, responding to the little noises she was making. She was gasping between saying his name but he didn't think to ask her if she was ok, he knew she was ok, knew what was happening as her hips met his and he felt the rising tide of his orgasm alongside hers.

'Fuck Jo,' he groaned loudly as she dug her nails into his back and moaned.

'You've got a potty mouth Witter,' she purred several moments later as he lay on top of her trembling.

'Only when I, you know,' he kissed her smiling and moved off of her, removing the condom discretely. 'Are you ok?' he turned his attention back to her.

'Yes,' she said simply and after a moment added, 'You know that was my first time?' she rolled onto her side, lying half on him so she could see his reaction. She laughed as he blanched of colour and his jaw gaped a couple of times.

'I thought...you and...'

'No,' she interrupted not wanting his name mentioned.

'I'm sorry if I hurt you,' he propped himself up on his elbows so he could give her a soft kiss.

'You didn't,' she laughed softly again.

'You should have said,' he wrapped his arms around her, her head resting on his chest.

'It wouldn't have changed anything. You still made that perfect. You know I had a good time...' she smiled.

'So you did... you know?' he asked tentatively.

'Pacey,' she blushed.

'Well?'

'I think you know that I did,' she buried her head in his chest and he hugged her tightly for some time until she looked up at him, 'and it wasn't as scary as I thought.'

'I hope it wasn't scary at all,' he teased lightly.

'It was nice,' she couldn't stop touching the skin of his back. 'Really nice.'

'Nice as in amazing, spectacular and mind blowing?' he asked.

'Who's looking for an ego massage?'

'Joey,' he beseeched.

'All of the above,' she informed him.

'For the record you were fantastic,' he kissed her cheeks again. 'I think I'm addicted.'

'Well that's good to hear,' she moved her hands in patterns across his body.

'I love you Joey,' he whispered and kissed her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**_Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river_**

'How do I look?' Joey stepped into the room feeling stupid. Pacey appraised her from behind his book. Her long legs were bare and she wore a pair of knee high boots. The short skirt and boob tube were sexy as hell and something about the cape made him want to throw her on the bed and ravage her. She wore a subtle black mask and her red lips pouted out beneath it. Her short dark hair was tied in adorable bunches.

'You look like the Caped Capeside Crusader,' he told her carelessly and pulled his book back to his face.

'I know what you're doing Pacey,' she wasn't the least perturbed. 'You think I'm going to beg for more of a compliment, but let me tell you something. Your costume might not be made from lycra but I can tell Jailbate is more than pleased with how I look.' Joey swung a leg over and straddled him, arching her hips against him.

Throwing the book aside Pacey gave her a grin and kissed her as his hands wandered up her bare thighs.

'Shit woman, what are you trying to do to me?' he pulled back when he realised she was without underwear.

'What are you doing to me?' she gasped the words as he gently teased her with his finger before sliding it inside of her.

'I'm your trusty assistant, I'll do whatever you want,' he moved his finger running it over her clit in tune with her every whimper.

'Fuck me,' she exclaimed not as a request but in response to the second finger he put inside of her.

'Your wish is my command,' his eye glinted triumphantly as he did as he was told.

* * *

Pacey and Joey were late to the party, but deliriously happy. Jen observing them dragged her friend off.

'Spill it?' she ordered.

'Spill what?' Joey feigned innocence.

'When and where and was it good?'

'You know me far to well,' Joey scowled slightly.

'I'm an astute lady,' Jen bowed.

'Your costume looks really amazing _Contradiction Girl_!' Joey took in Jens contradictory costume. Jen was dressed half in black and half in white, her hair half up and half down, half her face in makeup, half plain. She even had half a cape as if she were a superhero but not quite. The overall effect was quite stunning.

'No diversion you. Spill.'

'A couple of nights ago and ever since,' Joey blushed furiously.

'And?'

'And it was amazing, why the hell did no one tell me it was quite like that? I would have done it ages ago.'

'With Dawson it probably wouldn't have been quite like that. Pacey has something.'

'Oh he really has something,' Joey nodded and Jen laughed.

* * *

The party was a complete success and the costumes were amazing. Everyone had made an effort and the room looked like a comic book convention with an edge. Slightly geeky but oh so cool in the level of geekiness presented. The party was being held in the shared house of some freshmen who had got sick of halls and roommates. They attended Boston U but Joey, Pacey and Monica knew them all well. There were other Worthington students there and everyone was having a good time. By about two in the morning Joey, Jen, Jack, Pacey and Monica were playing their usual game of most, not outrageously drunk but not sober either.

'Jack, biggest crush?' Jen queried.

'Oh, now let me think, before I came out had to be sweet Jo,' Jack battered his lashes at his friend.

'Doesn't count,' Joey shook her head with a smile and Jack scowled at her.

'Ethan then without a doubt. Before I came to university anyway there are a number of possibilities but I definitely crushed hardest on Ethan, ok Monica, most embarrassing moment?'

'Do I really have to relive it?' she asked hopefully as they all nodded. 'I was experimenting in the bathroom with a condom and a banana when I was about fourteen, just to see how they worked and my dad walked in! He's Catholic - huge no, no!' they all laughed at her bright red face. 'Ok ok lets move on. Pacey most embarrassing moment?'

'Who put her up to it?' Pacey asked the group in general but everyone shook their heads in innocence. 'Ok I suppose it would have to be Dawson filming my first sexual experience which was with my high school English teacher.' Monica burst into laughter, and the others laughed at her reaction. 'Ok, moving on, Jen biggest lie?' Pacey stared at the girl.

'Biggest lie? Shit, you're a cruel man Witter, ok I broke Grams best bowl, one of her most beloved heir looms and I told her Joey had done it,' Jen looked at Joey who was clearly surprised and somewhat horrified. 'She thought you were so rude for never apologising in person but I told her it was because you felt so bad,' Jen fought back the giggles.

'Jen Lindley!' Joey couldn't believe it. 'I always thought your Grams looked at me funny and now I know why. That explains why she always goes on about accidents around me.'

'Ok, ok I'm sorry, but she would have killed me - you got off pretty light. It's not as if you've never done anything like that Miss Goody-two-shoes, so lets here it Jo -biggest lie,' Jen challenged her friend feeling suddenly guilty when she saw the colour drain from Joey's face.

'Oh god,' Joey was clearly flustered. 'Um, it would, um have to be telling Pacey...who taught me to drive that I passed my test first time when it actually took me two goes,' she was lying and nearly everyone around the table knew it.

'Two times is the magic number,' Pacey let her off but it was clear to everyone that something was behind her more recent lie.

'Most life-altering moment Pacey,' Jack asked quickly to diffuse the situation.

'Telling Joey my previous most life-altering moment,' Pacey had taken her hand but she was staring anxiously into her drink.

'So cute,' Monica wrinkled her nose but things had clearly come to an end. Joey wasn't listening and Pacey was watching her. Jen wondered why her question had had such an effect and Jack was watching both Joey and Pacey with concern. Monica just wanted things to smooth over. She loved her new friends but there were so many dynamics it was almost impossible to understand what was going on most of the time. Joey had eventually told her the truth about Pacey and she was the only non-Capesidian to know that Pacey was fraudulently at Worthington.

'Time to go,' Jen announced. 'Come on Jo,' she tugged her friend to standing and they headed into the cold air together followed by the others.

'What's up with you?' she asked softly.

'Nothing is up with me I just don't like the lie thing, it's not a nice subject,' Joey hastened to answer but they both knew it wasn't the truth.

'Ok Jo, look I'm here for you.'

'If I want to talk, right?' Joey nudged Jens shoulder.

'Exactly.'

'Thanks Jen.'

* * *

Pacey was very quiet as he walked back to the Worthington campus with Joey and Monica. Monica and Joey were talking lightly about the party, about their costumes, about general campus gossip and he was only listening in with half an ear and little interest. He was more interested in Joey's lie about her biggest lie. He had a distinct feeling it had to do with him and Dawson. As Monica bid them goodbye and headed down the corridor he and Joey pushed into their room.

'I thought it was a good party. Didn't you? I thought the costumes were amazing. I thought Jen looked adorable and Jack was great. I'm so glad we took your camera although I'm not sure the picture of what Monica did to Dynamoboy will be perusable,' she looked at him sat stonily on the bed and fought back her nerves. She knew why he was so distant but she wasn't sure how to make it all better.

'Lets play a game Joey,' he said sombrely.

'Pacey don't,' her voice cracked slightly.

'Biggest lie Jo,' Pacey wouldn't look at her and she hated it.

'Pace,' she pleaded with him.

'Biggest lie,' he repeated.

'I cant answer that, I just cant,' the pain in her voice made him look up as she covered her eyes with her hands and crouched on the floor.

'Is it to do with Dawson?' he'd asked the question despite not really wanting the answer.

'Dawson?' she looked at him over her hands. 'What?'

'This biggest lie - is it to do with Dawson and the two of you? Did you have sex?'

'Why do you always have to bring up Dawson?' she was angry, her distress passing.

'Because he's always there lurking,' Pacey was on his feet over her.

'If he's there lurking it's because you put him there. He's not there because of me,' Joey glared up at him.

'I am so scared that a part of you still loves him,' Paceys voice was lower but she didn't immediately respond. 'So it's true?' the words were hollow.

'I cant believe you're doing this. I cant believe it,' Joey shook her head bewildered. 'After everything we've shared,' her voice choked as tears rose to the surface.

'You're not denying it,' he snapped.

'I shouldn't have to,' she dragged herself to her feet and ran from the room, heading to the lobby where she called Jen and then a cab.

* * *

Pacey couldn't stop pacing up and down the room. Jen had called him to let him know Joey was heading over to hers, but she wasn't where she should be which was with him. The night had passed painfully and the following day when she didn't come home was slow. He'd replayed the conversation over and over and knew he'd been out of line, though he still couldn't shake the feeling that the lie was firstly significant and secondly to do with he and Dawson.

By morning all he wanted to do was see her and tell her how sorry he was. He didn't care if it was to do with Dawson, or anything else, he just wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her he loved her and beg her to never leave him that way again.

Feeling tears burn his eyes he stared moodily out the window which was where Joey found him on her return as the late afternoon sunshine set the room in a rosy haze.

'Hello Pacey,' she whispered softly.

'Joey,' he was off the table and holding her in his arms in mere moments. 'God I love you. Please never do that again. I cant stand to be without you- if we fight and we will fight, please stay and talk,' he didn't realize that tears were streaking down his face.

'I'm sorry Pace,' her voice was muffled by his chest.

'No you don't have to be sorry. I was a jerk.'

'I want to answer your question,' she pushed away from him and he waited expectantly. 'I do have a bit of me that loves Dawson. You're right and I hate the animosity between us. But I never slept with Dawson, or did the things I do with you with him. And the way I love him is very different to the way I love you. I love Dawson like I'm still fourteen or fifteen. It's a nostalgic love and it's not very real. Pacey, I love you and I want you. Nothing is going to change that so please don't destroy what we have by being scared of something that isn't real.'

'I'm sorry. I wont. I promise,' he kissed her head. 'Are we ok? he asked at length.

'We're perfect as always,' Joey assured him and grinned suddenly. 'I promise you Pacey that I will never lie about Dawson to you. I will always tell you the truth. I haven't called him since his call but I will. I will probably call him this week. I will tell him the truth about us the whole truth if he asks.'

'Thank you.'

'Now how about you take me out to dinner to make it all up to me?' she battered her lashes.

'So long as you wear the skirt from your costume," he bargained.

'You're such a pig,' she chided with a smile.

'And you're the one dating me,' he grinned, a grin that faded when he realised something was amiss. A small tear had leaked out of her eye and down her cheek. 'Joey,' he pulled her closer. 'Why are you crying?' Joey just didn't cry. A few more tears tumbled down her cheeks.

'I think I've done something really stupid and I should have told you about it a long time ago,' she sank to the floor and he crouched down beside her.

'What is it sweetheart?' he took her hands but she couldn't seem to look at him.

'I think I have to go away,' she took her hand from him and ran it across her eyes, before pressing her palms into her eye sockets.

'Away where?' warning bells were clanging in his head and his heart was racing. Something was more than amiss.

'From here,' she finally looked at him with her large eyes.

'What's this all about Jo?'

'I lied to you - you were right in a way. My biggest lie was to you,' she choked on her words.

'You're beginning to really scare me here,' he sat down in front of her.

'I cant say it,' she breathed.

'Why cant you say it?'

'If I say it then it's true and I'm terrified Pace. I'm so fucking scared. I cant think about anything but this. That's why I'm behind on work, why I'm messy, why I'm distracted. I'm not ok. I'm fucking it all up.'

'Jo, I cant help if I don't know what it is,' he lifted her chin with his hand. 'You're the bravest girl I know.'

'But I've been really, really stupid. I hoped it would go away if I ignored it, but I know better,' she trailed off biting her lower lip anxiously.

'Is this about your tooth?' Pacey knew it sounded stupid as he said it but his instinct urged him to the question. A small nod from Joey confirmed that his instinct had been correct and he wanted to laugh with relief.

'Wel'l go together Jo, it'll take a few hours not a few days,' he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

'No no,' she shook her head so her hair fell in her face.

'Trust the man with a filling or two, its not so bad.'

'Oh god,' she began to cry fearfully and he hugged her close soothing his girl.

* * *

Pacey stood outside the Deans office breathing deeply. Joey had taken a seat near the door and she gave him an encouraging nod.

'This is a bad, bad idea,' he breathed deeply.

'Not as bad an idea as getting discovered at another later date.'

'And if I go to jail for fraud?' Pacey inquired.

'Then I'll have to put on my trusty costume and bust you free,' she teased gently.

'Ha, ha...seriously though Jo.'

'You're going to pay them the fees, you have a loan now, no harm no foul. You can do it Pace.'

'Ok,' he dropped a kiss on her head and knocked on the door.

Joey had tried not to show Pacey how nervous she was as he entered the Deans office but she was scared for him. He was enjoying everything so much and doing so well, but he was doing it wrong by not being honest. She'd recently found herself waking up during the night from nightmares that involved the police turning up to take Pacey away and then her as his accomplice. What had seemed like a pretty harmless lie to begin with suddenly seemed very serious now that they were in their second semester and Pacey was having tutorials and was completely submerged into the college.

Pacing around outside the door because she couldn't sit still, Joey was beside herself. _What the hell is taking them so long? If they're going to kick him out, or arrest him they should just do it! Then again Pacey can talk himself out and in to anything. He got me the opportunity to re-sit that test during senior year. Maybe it'll be ok, but he's defrauded one of Americas top universities they wont like that but they wont really want to broadcast the fact either._ A smile slipped onto her face.

'So I'm in there trying to sort one big mess out and you're out here grinning?' Pacey had snuck up on her, so lost in her thoughts was she.

'How did it go Pacey?' she pounced on him.

'I'm not sure I should tell the girlfriend so concerned that she's out here in a happy daze,' Pacey stalked off in mock moodiness.

'Pacey I'm sorry I was just thinking that they'd not arrest you because it would be bad publicity for them, that's all. Tell me what happened?'

'Now begging I can deal with,' he grinned.

'Pacey?'

'That's right, keep it coming?'

'Fine,' she turned on heel and began to walk off.

'You don't want to know?' he sounded highly offended.

'It must all be fine if you're in the mood for banter,' she gave him a look over her shoulder and a broad wink.

'Joey,' he caught her up.

'No, it's fine Pace,' she shook her head. 'I don't need to know.'

'Joey please let me tell you,' he put his arms around her and kissed her neck.

'Now who's begging?' she gave him a triumphant smile.

'It's sorted,' he revealed before they went around in another circle.

'Sorted good or sorted bad?' she asked with bated breath.

'Well I'm now an official Worthington student,' Pacey had only just got the words out before she threw herself at him, covering him with kisses.

'I knew it would be ok, I knew it, oh my god Pace, that's amazing. I'm so happy,' her eyes shone as she looked at him with such obvious pleasure he laughed too.

'He wasn't happy but then I gave him the cheque and my marks and he called up some of my professors and they said good things, and so he finally relented. He's a very nice man,' Pacey didn't tell her quite how close it had been.

'I'm sure it had nothing to do with you and your ability to charm the ass off a donkey?' Joey raised her eyebrows at him.

'Nothing at all,' he grinned and slung a casual arm about her shoulders. 'Come on my girl - celebration time.'

* * *

Hells Kitchen was packed with students from Worthington and several from Boston U. Most weren't sure what they were celebrating but if Pacey Witter wanted to celebrate then they would be there.

Pacey Witter himself was sat at a crowded table. His arm around his beautiful girlfriend who was sat by his side, his friends from school on his other side and then the array of friends he'd made at Worthington and Boston U. The grin on his face was what kept the crowd so big. When Pacey smiled, the whole world wanted to smile with him because he made you feel that whatever was bothering you wasn't actually so bad. He made you feel special. Joey Potter sitting next to him felt very special. Despite the large crowd, made up of his friends and many of hers, she knew that Pacey was only really concerned that she was happy. Because he was so concerned she was happy it made her happy and it seemed that whatever had been ailing her all semester disappeared. The smile reached her eyes and she was animated, flirty with her friends and full of sarcastic good humour.

'Looks like she's back,' Jen nudged Pacey and they both looked at Joey.

'That she is,' Pacey nodded. 'I love her however she is though,' he seemed lost in her.

'I know,'Jen smiled broadly. 'And I'm so jealous!'

'I never knew you wanted me Lindley?' Pacey flirted with a wink.

'Oh you know,' Jen shrugged with a girly giggle.

'Are you coming onto my boyfriend Jen?' Joey had leant across Pacey with an apparently furious expression.

'I...I..' Jen stuttered.

'Because you can have him, he's a lot of work to be honest,' Joey said sweetly with a shrug and an eye roll that were such typically Joey expressions that Jen burst out laughing, not realising until that moment how stressed out Joey must have been all semester.

'Joey?' Pacey protested.

'Seriously Jen, he's messy, he often behaves moronically, life's a constant joke to him and he really isn't that funny,' Joey scrunched her nose. 'Really all he does is bug me.'

'Aaaah, but you love me,' he told her.

'I'm not sure I can cope if you guys keep this up,' Jen groaned as Pacey landed a kiss on Joey.

'Now I think we put up with quite a large amount of kissiness with you and Henry,' Joey reminded her.

'Thank you for reminding me of the boy who taught me to love again and then cruelly dumped me,' Jen gave Joey a pointed look but with good humour.

'Aaah,' she dismissed her friend as they smiled at each other. 'At least you didn't spend a good few years thinking Dawson Leery was your soul mate!' she was ever so serious.

'I had too much sense!'Jen bantered back.

'Though the guy is your friend and you probably shouldn't say such things,' Jack interspersed.

'True enough, though he's their best friend and they get to say it,' Jen complained.

'We're in a friendship hiatus,' Joey summarised.

'And how long is this hiatus expected to last?' Jack grinned at Pacey over the heads of the two girls.

'I expect it to last well until I pick up the phone to him,' Joey scowled.

'Which is when?' Jen prodded.

'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition so why has it just arrived?' Joey stared suspiciously between Jack and Jen.

'Dawson rang - he's planning a visit, for Lilly's christening.'

'Mitch and Gale are christening Lily?' Joey completely avoided the whole Dawson visiting issue.

'Someone gets away with diverting conversation far too frequently,' Jack acknowledged.

'Ok, ok, I'll call him this week,' Joey rolled her eyes. Jen and Jack turned to Pacey.

'The guy doesn't want to talk to me,' he protested but they stared harder. 'This is supposed to be my big celebration,' he tried the humble root. 'Fine,' he caved under their intense visual pressure. 'I'll speak to him after Joey if he'll talk to me.'

'I doubt it - not when he discovers you de-flowered her,' Jen giggled into her drink.

'You told her?' Pacey turned to Joey in astonishment.

'She knew, it was obvious,' Joey waved a dismissive hand at him.

'Obvious?' Pacey didn't see how.

'You strode into the party like a cocky bastard,' Jack filled him in. 'Even I knew. A smile as wide as yours usually comes from one thing.'

Pacey looked at Joey and catching her eye smiled. Joey cracked a megawatt smile for him that shone out of her eyes, and gave him a quick kiss. The world felt pretty perfect to him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**_Like walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying_**

Stretching back in his chair Pacey took a break from his work. He looked at Joey who was crouched in front of her bookcase perusing the literary options. He smiled as she tapped her fingers, apparently deep in thought. Finally she pulled a book from the shelf and moved to her bed, where she curled up.

'Don't stare at me,' she told him when she finally caught his eye, thoroughly embarrassed whenever she found him looking at her with such love and lust in his eyes. Her embarrassment only served to make Pacey enjoy watching her all the more.

'You're my girlfriend and you happen to be very pleasing to look at,' he informed her before dragging himself from his chair and dropping onto the bed beside her. 'How come you're not working like me?' he asked as she rested her head on his shoulder.

'I finished the assignment on Wednesday when you were working,' she shrugged easily. 'You can look at it if you want.'

'I'm good for now. I'm almost done,' he kissed her cheek. 'So what did you decide upon to read?'

Blushing slightly Joey held up a battered copy of Little Women. Pacey laughed,

'And after that terrible performance I took you to for our second date,' he shook his head.

'Well I decided I needed to remind myself just what it is I love about the story,' she explained.

'I saw the story - I didn't love it,' Pacey informed her.

'For your information that abysmal play was only very loosely based upon this wonderful book, if you read it you would love it.'

'I doubt it,' he wasn't convinced.

'Well lets make it our new book,' Joey suggested.

'Lets not,' Pacey scowled slightly.

'Give it a chance - if you hate it we'll change to something Kurt Vonnegut,' she bargained. Giving her a suspicious look Pacey finally shook her hand. 'Good,' she smiled and when she smiled Pacey couldn't quite bare to tear himself from her and back to work. And there was still work to be done but it didn't seem as important as being with her.

'Start now,' he told her softly.

'But your work?'

'It's almost done, I'll finish it off when you're sleeping,' he nudged her and with a soft smile she opened the book and began to read.

* * *

'Joey Joey,' Pacey shook her shoulder gently. 'It's morning gorgeous!'

'Grrrrrrrr,' or some similar noise emitted from his girlfriend.

'Joey, I made tea!' he told her brightly.

'I think you should move out,' she growled.

'Move out?' Pacey was horrified and his expression reflected the fact.

'You're too much of a morning person. How can you be so bright and cheery when bed is so warm and cozy?' Joey moaned finally opening her eyes. Realising she didn't actually want him to move out, Pacey gave her a huge smile.

'I lived on a boat for two summers, now that requires morning wakefulness. Thank god you weren't with me,' he teased.

'You would have loved it if I was there to,' she told him before closing her eyes with a smug smile on her lips.

'Sure you'd have varied the scenery a little, but I'm not sure how much help you would have been,' he ran a hand across her smooth arm.

'I'll have you know I'd have been very useful. I'd have given you a barnacle for your thoughts and thrown you overboard,' she muttered sleepily.

'In what world is that useful?' he queried chuckling softly.

'A barnacle is seaside currency, and once I knew what you were thinking I'm sure I'd want to throw you overboard. The boat, being lighter, would have gone faster,' she still had her eyes tightly shut.

'You missy are the one that would have gone overboard first and there's no mistake in that. For a start you'd have needed the shock to GET YOU UP,' he shouted the last, not too loudly but loudly enough. Reluctantly Joey opened her eyes,

'There's no need to shout Pace,' she informed him, stretching in a feline manner. 'I was awake,' she pushed herself up and reached for her tea only to discover it wasn't there. 'Where's my tea?' She looked at him in dismay.

'Good God woman, I might be forgiven for thinking you were with me for morning refreshments,' he leaned forward to kiss her, but she just put a finger to his lips.

'But my tea?' she whined.

'We ran out. I meant to pick some up but I was at the restaurant late.'

'Oh,' she pouted still sleep rumpled.

'So I thought we'd do pancakes instead?' he grinned charmingly.

'Pancakes?' a glint entered her eyes.

'My treat, down at that all American diner you love so much,' he knew he was forgiven for the missing tea.

'I could live with that,' she looked at the ceiling with a cheeky grin.

'Well get your pretty self ready and we'll go,' he kissed her and was rewarded with her lips. 'Oh, and wear comfortable shoes because I have a surprise for you after.'

* * *

Full of pancakes Joey was impatiently asking Pacey where they were going but he was frustratingly able to resist her persuasive ways.

'We're almost there Potter so calm yourself,' he held onto her mittened hand.

'And where is there?' she asked and he looked at her incredulously.

'You're not really going to start that all again? I thought we'd established- I'm a mean, locked down vault of secrecy that you have no chance of penetrating whatever feminine wiles you chose to employ? Did you forget, because it happened like five minutes ago, back down the road there?' he looked behind him and gestured, rewarded by a small pout.

'How can I look forward to the surprise when I don't know what the surprise is?' she asked beseechingly.

'If you weren't so busy talking you might have noticed we're here,' he laughed and gestured to the Museum of Fine Art behind him.

'Oh my God, I so wanted to come here!' she jumped up and down a little. 'They've got the _Images of Nature_ exhibit on and I so wanted to see it,' she was smiling so brightly that he knew he'd done good.

'I knew you wanted to see it so I thought I'd take the matter into my own hands,' he explained as they pushed through the door.

'Thank you Pacey,' she turned to him and kissed him. 'You know just how to make things feel good. You're my good mood pill.'

'I'm your what?' he gave her a quizzical look.

'My good mood pill. When things are feeling bad or too stressful I think of you and I feel better. It's like taking a good mood pill,' she bit her bottom lip bashfully.

'Hmmm,' he arched his eyebrows. 'I think I can live with that. Wouldn't normally describe myself as a narcotic but...'

'Pacey,' she teased and he kissed her to let her know how much what she said meant to him.

* * *

Sat cross legged on her bed Joey looked anxiously at Pacey who gave her a nod. Picking up the phone she quickly dialled the number before she could back out. It rang several times.

'Hello,' the familiar voice on the other end sounded stressed.

'I can call back if you're busy,' she said quickly.

'Joey,' Dawson sounded so relieved.

'Yeah. I'm sorry its taken me a while to call.'

'Me to,' he wasn't making it easy for her.

'How have you been?' she tried to sound bright.

'I've been ok. Absorbed in my work you know,' it was hard to read his voice though she didn't miss the sigh. 'What about you?'

'I've been really good, lots has been happening,' she hated the awkwardness between them.

'Lots?' Dawson chose to prolong the awkwardness.

'Dawson I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't keep how I felt about Pacey from you on purpose. I didn't understand it for a long time.'

'So are you still together?' he threw out the question.

'Very much so,' she nodded as she answered even though he couldn't see her.

'Have you slept with him?' Dawson asked just as Joey knew he would.

'Yes,' she told him honestly.

'So we go out for months, me your supposed soulmate and you wont do it, but with Pacey you will and within a couple of months?' his tone was biting.

'It was just right with him Dawson,' Joey was getting exasperated.

'Right?' Dawson was about to tirade but Joey jumped in,

'Yes Dawson right. I called because I want to be friends. To be friends you have to accept that Pacey and I are together and that it's serious. I miss you Dawson, but I cant go through this every time we speak.'

'That's just it Joey - we never speak! I called you almost a month ago and you only call me now, despite the fact that you knew how upset I was, how upset I had the right to be,' he was angry now.

'But we never meant to hurt you. It wasn't a malicious plan it just happened,' she felt so frustrated.

'But you did hurt me.'

'And we are both really, really sorry. Sometimes its hard to face up to someone you've hurt, especially when you cant magic the hurt away. I cant give up Pacey for you and I hope he wouldn't give up me,' Joey said softly watching as Pacey shook his head dramatically to emphasise that he wouldn't give her up. 'But we do want you as a friend. We need you as a friend,' she waited hopefully.

'I want to be your friend Jo. We've been through too much, you and me, but Pacey? Why Pacey? Why not some Worthington guy? Some guy who wouldn't hurt me so much?'

'Oh God Dawson,' she sighed deeply. 'First off Pacey is a Worthington guy now. He's been accepted onto his course officially and he's doing great, but that's really aside from the point,' she waited but there was no response. 'There couldn't have been anyone else. Pacey and I, well there was always something there.'

'Always?' Dawson sounded angry again as if this was news to him.

'As friends, then as more.' There was silence for a long time.

'I want to be your friend Joey. I'm coming to visit and I'd very much like to see you. I hope we can still be friends,' he spoke carefully, deciding to deal with the more intricate issues in person.

'I'd like that,' she nodded.

'Next week I'll be there all week. I'm staying in Capeside for the weekend and then at Grams for the week, then Capeside for the next weekend.'

'That's great Dawson. I was thinking of visiting Capeside one weekend soon and we see Jack and Jen all the time.'

'Ok, thank you for calling Joey. It means a lot to me.'

'Thanks for calling me first. Before you go Pacey wants to speak to you,' she said quickly.

'I cant do that yet,' the tight voice was back. 'I can forgive you Joey but I cant forgive him. He's been deceptive to me for years about his feelings for you and he called me his best friend. I'll see you next week Joey,' he was trying to end the conversation.

'Then you'll see Pacey as well,' she managed to say before he hung up, then the line went dead. Before she knew what was happening Pacey had thrown himself on her and was hugging her tightly.

'I love you my girl,' he told her, his face buried in her neck.

'I know,' she grinned.

'Fickle mistress,' he repeated a common jibe before kissing her.

* * *

Psychology 102 was a popular class although the lecturer was an unpopular man. They had covered an array of psychology topics that interested the students, which that day included the fun area of body language and personality types. Miles Lambert MD was interested in securing a tenure at the university and was going all out to impress. Unfortunately, he wasn't that impressive. He had offended a number of students by trying to analyse them during classes. He was also unclear about certain topics and assignments were often haphazardly arranged.

Joey wasn't particularly sure what Miles Lambert was talking about because she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. She'd had a late night the evening before. She had gone to visit Monica and they'd ended up talking until almost midnight and now the morning class was killing her. Her sleep had been fitful and had included several episodes of violence with Pacey who wouldn't stop snoring. The guilty boy was sat on her right being purposefully shunned, despite his attempts to suck up and Monica was sat on her left meekly sipping a coffee.

Joey's eyes were so heavy she considered closing them for a second. It was absolute bliss. She didn't even realise she'd fallen asleep until Pacey nudged her sharply in the ribs. Looking at him furiously he nodded towards the front.

'I was saying Miss Potter, that everything we do carries a non-verbal message about who we are. 7 per cent of any message is conveyed by words, 38 per cent of any message is conveyed by vocal nonverbal communication (eg tone, volume, speed), and 55 per cent of messages are interpreted by face and body - nonverbal communication.' He stared at her and then continued,

'Not only are facial expression, voice and posture key indicators that allow us to mentally assess another person, but even the clothes a person wears can disclose economic and social class, personality, occupation, values, attitudes and self-concept. Clothes are used to project an image and are used to indicate group memberships and affiliations.'

Joey looked at Pacey and gave her hand a squeeze. She was wondering why Miles Lambert was still staring at her as he gave his lecture.

'We read all these codifiers and can make fairly accurate assumptions for instance,' the class groaned inwardly aware that he was about to publicly analyze the popular Joey Potter. Joey sat up a little straighter and gave him an expectant look.

'I would say you're from a middle to upper class family - your clothes are clean, simple but stylish. Possibly you're an only child - you have a confidence in your own opinions that indicates you were listened too. Perhaps your family has money - the simplicity of the clothes you wear speaks to the upper classes and you attend one of the most prestigious universities in the country. You also have the Christian girl look about you, that simple, clean cut look. I would think your parents are good Christian folks used to looking out for your best interests. You seem very assertive, you know right from wrong and that usually comes from a well rounded upbringing. I would say you probably didn't get into much trouble at school and you got here with relative ease, mostly because you're here and you always turn up to class, take notes and usually don't fall asleep. Now I may have the specifics wrong but...' He looked pleased with himself. Joey hated that he looked pleased with himself. She hated that he judged her, and she was so sick of being judged. In a way she was pleased he got it all wrong, but she wasn't ashamed of where she came from, a good person could come from a bad background. It wasn't always so simple and clear cut.

'The specifics?' Joey was sarcastic and Pacey knew instantly that Miles Lambert was in trouble. The whole lecture hall was staring at Joey in thrilled suspense. Pacey had seen Joey lose it before and it was clear that Miles Lambert and Psychology 102 were about to experience it as well. 'You call yourself a psychologist? Because I would seriously reconsider your field.'

'So maybe I got some details wrong - this particular area of study allows room for error,' he hedged staring anxiously between her and Pacey, looking at her boyfriend for help. He was getting none.

'Before you go analysing your students it might be wise to check their records so that you can look smart in front of the class,' her hands were on her hips as she jumped to her feet. 'My family aren't upper class, I'm poor, not only am I poor but I slept in the lounge for several years because we were that poor. I dress like this because I got used to wearing my sisters boring hand me downs and spending the little money we had on expensive clothes wasn't really an option,' she looked at Pacey who gave her a nod of encouragement.

'What was next? An only child, with good Christian parents? I think you'll find I worked most days supporting my family because those supportive parents you were talking about were too busy residing in jail and dying to do it for me, and I don't think they ever went to church. I suppose my dad did teach me a little about right and wrong with his criminal activities. But my supportive parents were actually my sister, her boyfriend and their illegitimate son. The reason I'm not afraid to speak up is because I had to do it to get anywhere. And I'm here on a very inadequate scholarship.'

'Now Joey I didn't mean...' Miles Lambert began.

'Oh no you weren't done there. Apparently I was a goody-two shoes at school? Because I work my butt off here? Sure I was an Honours student, but I worked damn hard for it and I was in a lot of trouble, usually for beating up assholes like you.' Somebody wolf-whistled but Joey didn't hear them. 'So analyze that!' she rolled her eyes at him, Pacey smirking along with the rest of the room.

Miles Lambert was lost for words, but Joey certainly wasn't.

'And one more thing, before you judge my situation again on the information I've just shared - don't bother. I have a wonderful, if not conventional, family. We've supported each other...and...and...you know what this class isn't worth it,' grabbing her bag and papers she squeezed out past Monica followed by Pacey and a round of applause.

'Jo that was so great,' Pacey grinned at her but she promptly burst into tears in a very un-Joey like way. Pacey wrapped his arms around her to shocked to do more. 'You really told him,' he soothed.

'What right does he have? How dare he?' she spluttered clearly furious.

'You did fine,' he was proud of her for standing up for herself and not being ashamed of her past. He knew the rest of their class were to.

'Oh god but I'll have to go back or make up another class.'

'I have a feeling Mr Lambert will be more keen to apologise to you, than expecting you to apologise to him,' Pacey smiled as her tears abated. 'Now how about we go drink ourselves some tea and eat ourselves some cake,' he took her hand as she nodded, eyes still teary, and they headed to the canteen.

* * *

Pacey burst into his room the following Sunday pleased to be home from the restaurant. He was rather surprised by the vague greeting he got from Joey who was sat on her desk looking out the window. He was even more surprised by the mess in the room. There were papers literally everywhere. It looked as if Joey had upended every file of notes she had made since she'd started at Worthington all over the room.

'Hey Pace,' she smiled brightly after a few moments.

'What the hell Jo?' he stared around the room.

'I was tiding up my papers,' she shrugged and turned back to the window. Pacey grabbed the thesaurus from the bookshelf.

'_Tidy_,' he said clearly, '_other words for tidy include neat, orderly, in order, shipshape, organised, spick and span, uncluttered_.' He let the implication sink in. '_The antonym is untidy_.'

'It's very sexy when you do that - a little anal but very sexy,' she gave him a seductive look.

'What the hell happened Jo? I thought your papers were neatly filed at the end of each class and assignment.'

'There were some gaps,' she was dismissive and turned back to the window.

'Ok,' suddenly Pacey was more concerned about her than the mess. 'You ok Jo?'

'I'm fine,' she nodded absently. 'Just need a kiss I will tidy up tomorrow.'

'Dawson is here tomorrow,' he pointed out.

'I'll get it done,' she told him calmly. 'I'm sorry.'

* * *

Pacey looked at the door wondering how long he hand till Joey was done getting ready for bed.

'Pick up pick up,' he tapped his foot impatiently.

'Hello,' Jen sing-songed down the phone.

'Jen, I need your advice and its got to be quick.'

'Pacey?' she yawned.

'Yeah.'

'What's up?' she asked.

'Joey's being weird again, like really weird.'

'You mean her outburst in psychology last Friday? Because the rest of your class are dead proud,' Jen yawned again. 'I heard they shouted for an encore but she'd left.'

'She was fantastic but, well, she was so upset. Joey's always spoken her mind, but she didn't used to cry about it.'

'Crying? I didn't hear anything about crying?' Jen was concerned.

'There was crying. And it's not just that - I came home today and she was sat staring out the window and all her notes were all about the room.'

'So she was having a sort out - I have those,' Jen comforted.

'No Jen, these looked like they'd been thrown,' he explained. 'It was as if there'd been a hurricane.'

'So talk to her - maybe she's worrying about her tooth again,' Jen almost giggled.

'Don't you dare tell her I told you about that,' Pacey flushed.

'How can Joey be so scared of a little filling - maybe you should just make her an appointment and force her to go? Maybe the worry is getting to her again - she may even have toothache,' Jen stifled her giggles, but Pacey hear them and chuckled wryly.

'Not a bad idea,' he conceded. 'And the other stuff?'

'I know Joey and she'll talk if she needs to.'

'I suppose, thanks Jen.'

'Dawson's getting here tomorrow at lunch so we'll meet you at Hells Kitchen around 1? Jack and I are blowing off afternoon classes.'

'Sounds like a plan though, depending on the tension, classes might be more fun,' Pacey frowned at the thought.

'It'll be fine!' Jen assured him, 'and if it's not I'll kick his ass!'

* * *

The following morning Pacey woke up feeling perturbed. Jen's suggestion that he just booked Joey appointment was on his mind as well as the phenomenal mess everywhere that she'd scraped into uneven and unordered piles. The more he thought about Joey and the dentist he wondered whether that was really the source of her mental unrest. It could be Dawson and his imminent visit or something else entirely.

The only way to eliminate the dentist was for her to actually visit them and then he might know whether she was distracted by anything else. As irrational as her fear seemed to be, on some level he could understand irrational fears. _So we all have illogical fears and maybe Joeys is the dentist, _he told himself for the umpteenth time._ I hate centipedes totally unreasonable, but very real. It probably is what's making her so stressed - either that or Dawson. So lets assume it's the dentist. She hates the dentist and who wants to have a filling? But that doesn't explain the whole lie thing from the superhero party. She said she'd lied to me and that if she said the truth it would make it real but she'd already told me about the tooth so what the hell is the lie? That girl is too good at diverting and I was to ashamed of how I treated her to push her on the lie. If this is all about going to the dentist, where's the lie? _It wasn't the first time that Pacey had thought along such lines, but now Jen had given him a solution.

Looking around the empty dorm room and then at his watch, he realised Joey would probably be in the shower for another ten minutes which was more than enough time to sort things out once and for all._ If I make her the appointment, it's made and if I know Joey she'll go. That's just the way she is_.

Picking up the phone from its cradle and feeling slightly guilty Pacey opened his diary to where he'd scrawled the telephone number for Mr Singe. He'd taken it from the message he took for Joey that she had thrown away. He'd felt guilty about that too, but he'd wanted it for when she was ready to make the appointment. Punching in the number he waited,

'Boston General Hospital, how can I help?' the voice was clipped and unexpected.

'Hi, I was looking for a Mr Singe?' Pacey attempted.

'Is that patient or staff?' the friendly voice enquired.

'Staff.'

'Do you know the department?'

'I have the extension number,' he told her the number.

'I'll just put you through,' the call transferred and Pacey had to wait some time before it was answered.

'Hello?' the voice sounded distracted.

'Hi, I was hoping to make an appointment for my girlfriend with Mr Singe?' Pacey spoke tentatively suddenly uncertain. He checked the door anxiously.

'What's her name? Has she been referred to us?' the woman on the other end was clearly busy with something.

'Josephine Potter,' Pacey drummed his fingers on the desk.

'Oh that's good,' the woman sounded sincerely relieved and was suddenly more attentive. 'We were getting worried about her. I believe Mr Singe wants to fit her in as soon as possible let me just see what we have available tomorrow. It's rather important after all. Let me put you on hold a moment.'

Pacey waited patiently for the woman to return whilst listening to the classical on call music in his ear. He tried to place the composer and it came to him as the woman clicked back onto the line. _Pacabels Canon_. One of his favourites.

'Hello?' the woman was saying.

'I'm here,' Pacey confirmed.

'Ok Mr Singe wants her to come in this morning if that's possible.'

'Should be,' Pacey thought guiltily about history 102.

'She'll be in for quite some time, so make sure she packs her bathroom things, several changes of nightclothes, some day clothes and lots of entertainment.'

'Huh?' the sound barely came out of his mouth he was so surprised.

'It's quite normal. If you get here when you can we'll get her settled in. Just come straight up to the Cancer Treatment Centre - we're easy to locate - the front desk will direct you.'

'Ok,' the lump in his throat had changed his voice.

'We'll see you...' the lady got no further because Pacey had slammed down the phone, his hands shaking like crazy. Leaning against the wall he felt dizzy and sick all at the same time, as if the world had spun away without him. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply but the word was carved onto his retinas - _cancer_. Slumping to the floor he shoved his palms against his eyes, but suddenly he pictured Joey doing the same thing so he changed his position as if that might change the truth that had come to him so suddenly. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He could think nothing beyond the solitary curse. The curse that seemed so inadequate, the curse that seemed to mock his pain.

_'Please don't let it be true, please don't let it be true_,' his mind replaced the curse with the simple mantra because he was capable of no more. Then the anger kicked in,

'No no no, no, no' he didn't realise he was shouting the words out as he slammed his fists into his eyes again. Unfortunately the action only made him more convinced of the truth of his discovery. _Is that what Joey has been trying to do? Hit the knowledge from her head? _The anger hit him again and he vented it on his bed, hitting it, eventually collapsing onto it in sheer frustration as the tears seemed to burn his eyes. The large lump in his throat was impossible to ignore and the nausea swirling in his stomach wasn't abating. Suddenly it worsened. _So what's the stupid thing she's done? She said she'd done something stupid_? He struggled to his feet with wild eyes trying to not cry, to not fall over.

'Pacey, are you alright?' Joey had entered the room and paled as Pacey seemed to fall apart in front of her. In an instant she was at his side, her arms around him.

'Joey,' he croaked, his body unwilling to move in any way, his breath uneven. 'Joey?'

'What is it my love?' she asked him gently. Stumbling slightly he made it to the bed and they sat next to one another. Now that she was there he touched her face, touching her repetitively as if the opportunity to touch her might disappear.

'Joey,' something in his voice was beginning to scare her.

'Pacey?' she asked ever so softly and his heart broke into a million pieces.

'Please,' he shook his head as the tears tumbled down his cheeks, 'please no.' In his head there was an image of her mother, the day before she died. The day before cancer killed her.

'Pacey,' she raised his head until their eyes met.

'Do you have...' he couldn't say the word.

'What?' she whispered softly.

'Cancer?' the word was thrown from him as if the word was as destructive as the disease. He stared at her. She was momentarily calm then her face crumpled as her eyes filled with tears and her body trembled. The slight nod of her head confirmed the fear that was now residing in him. 'Joey,' he pulled her to him and they sat sobbing together. He couldn't seem to hold her close enough and had pulled her onto his lap, a sudden desperation and need to be constantly near her.

'I'm sorry,' she sobbed into his shoulder as he held her tightly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**_Ooh, you have me crawling up the wall_**

Pacey suddenly knew what Joey had meant when she talked about the happiest moments of her life coming before the worst. A week earlier he'd been sitting in Hells Kitchen with all his friends, a real Worthington student, with the smartest, most beautiful, most amazing girl as his girlfriend. Now he was sitting in the gateway to hell, or that's how it felt.

As Joey sobbed into his shoulder, telling him how sorry she was he knew he had to pull himself together. She needed him more than she ever had and he was going to be there for her, even if it meant ignoring how he was feeling. If he could ignore how he was feeling. Pain and nausea had set up permanent residence in his stomach and there was a throbbing behind his temple that wasn't abating. The anxiousness crawled through his veins, coupled with an over-riding fear.

'Sweet Jo, why are you sorry? It's not your fault,' he looked at her as his tears dried in streaks across his cheeks, his eyes bluer than ever.

'I should have told you,' a heartbreaking sob rattled from her, 'I was scared and embarrassed,' she lowered her eyes.

'Why would you be embarrassed Jo? It's not something you can control,' he rubbed a thumb under her eyes, wiping at the tears.

'I don't want to be sick. I don't want it to be real. I don't want to die,' she covered her eyes in that all too familiar position and his heart broke.

'You're not going to die,' he told her firmly as the fear coursed through him like a steam train.

'I don't want to die,' she gripped his arm. 'Pacey, I really don't want to die but I've been so stupid,'

'What do you mean?' how the fear and pain could keep increasing with each passing second Pacey didn't know.

'I've been ignoring the calls, the letters, since I found out...' she trailed off, covering her face again.

'Joey,' he was frustrated and suddenly very angry. Did she not realise that his life was tied to hers. That his life had always been tied to hers.

'I know Pacey, I know. I just wanted it to go away. I didn't want it to be true. The right words to tell you were never there...' she trailed off as hopeless tears snaked down her cheeks.

'Tell me everything the doctor said,' Pacey asked in a quiet voice his hands soothing her shaking ones, holding them from her eyes.

'When I had flue the doctor did a blood test and when we got back here after Christmas there was a message on the phone - they wanted me to go in to talk about the results. I knew that couldn't be good. They only call if there's something wrong,' she sighed deeply. 'So I went on a Wednesday morning a few weeks later. They spent all day doing tests and then they told me,' she looked down as her eyes filled with more tears.

'I need to know,' Pacey prompted softly steeling himself.

'I have Acute myeloid erytholeukaemia Pace, same as what my mom had. It's a pretty rare type of leukaemia and has a poor prognosis,' she pulled herself together abruptly. The words were out and it was suddenly very real and real things required dealing with.

'Leukaemia,' he echoed in a dazed voice, the words "poor prognosis" pushed to the back of his mind, 'Oh god Jo,' he held her even tighter. 'Is this why you threw away my pop tarts? And why you're not drinking coffee? Is that why you cut your hair?' It all suddenly made so much sense - even her papers thrown all around the room suddenly made sense, especially when he remembered the beating the bed had recently taken.

'I should have told you,' she clung onto him for dear life.

'So how long have you known?' he couldn't quite remember when that Wednesday was.

'Almost two months,' she admitted.

'But what about treatment?' his face drained of colour.

'I should have been having it. I'm such an idiot, that's the stupid thing but... you see...' she trailed off again and Pacey swore he might faint.

'Yes Jo,' he kissed her cheek softly.

'The thing is I got scared. I thought I could make myself better. I saw what the treatment did to my mom, what she went through and I was terrified. But I cant get this sorted. I don't know how and I cant do this alone anymore.'

'You are not alone and please, please don't forget that you're thinking for two now. You and me,' he kissed her gently. 'We'll do this together. I promise that this will be ok,' the strength of his conviction was what she needed.

'It will?' her voice was small and hopeful.

'Yes,' he told her. 'It had better be,' he added a silent prayer to whatever power there might be.

'How did you know?' she asked suddenly.

'I...well... I rang to make an appointment for you with Mr Singe - I thought he was your dentist. They want to see you urgently Jo,' he didn't feel guilty anymore. He was glad he had interfered.

'When?'

'As soon as we can make it to the hospital today,' he told her quietly.

'But we have class and then you have work, and I don't know if I can do it. Nobody knows and nothing is sorted,' she protested, fiddling with her fingers, her breathing erratic.

'Screw class and screw work, and nothing, absolutely nothing is more important than getting you started on some treatment,' he kissed her again, his heart palpitating painfully every time he breathed and every time a thought entered his head.

'But...' she was trembling and biting her bottom lip nervously.

'No Joey, no buts. We have to get this sorted and we have to do it now.'

'Ok,' she submitted. 'What do I need?'

'Lets take the basics and then I can bring you stuff in as you need it,' Pacey rubbed her shoulder.

'What about college?'

'You leave that to me sweetheart,' he hushed her worries.

'And Bessie?'

'I'll call her,' Pacey stood and reached for a bag from under the bed hiding his face for a moment, not wanting Joey to see him crack. Rummaging under the bed for a little longer than necessary he finally reappeared.

'And Jack, Jen and Dawson? Monica? Everyone else from class?'

'Jo, I'll take care of it all,' he tucked her hair behind her ears for her.

'But who'll take care of you,' she asked mournfully.

* * *

Pacey watched Joey as he helped her pack the things she needed and wondered how he could have been so stupid. How he hadn't noticed that she was sick, that something was wrong. Now he knew the truth it seemed so startling obvious and he felt foolish for buying the "_scared of the dentist_" line. Being as close to Joey as he was it just hadn't been obvious to him when she got a little thinner, moved a little slower, slept a little longer, bruised a little easier. The symptoms appeared so slowly that he hadn't really noticed and it made him feel like a failure. There were also the other obvious signs that something was wrong, such as how distracted she'd been. There were the little oddities of her behaviour that weren't uniquely Joey, just Joey being odd. She hadn't been herself since the Christmas vacation and he should have known and he hated himself for not noticing.

'I feel so angry,' he shouted loudly and abruptly at the room. Overwhelmingly furious he wanted to attack something. But then she looked at him alarmed. 'So angry,' he emphasised without actual violence.

'Oh Pacey,' she clambered onto the bed and wrapped her arms around him.

'No Jo, don't comfort me, you need me to be strong and I will. I'll be there for you, I just...I just...'

'Feel so angry?' she raised her eyebrows.

'Yeah.'

'Why do you think I cut off my hair? How do you think all those clothes got across the floor? All my college papers? I'm glad that you're angry Pace. It makes me feel how much you love me,' she whispered the last sentence.

'I do love you.'

'I know.'

'You know?' his voice was quiet.

'I love you to you big baby,' she tried to tease but nothing was funny to Pacey any longer.

'How do you get past it Jo? Past the anger?' his wounded eyes looked at her.

'I don't know,' she sighed and took his hand.

* * *

They stood together in the hospital entrance, Pacey clutching Joey's small bag and Joey clutching Pacey.

'I need to call Bessie Pace, I need to tell her,' Joey said suddenly after they'd been directed to the Cancer Treatment Centre. Pacey redirected them to a payphone.

'You're sure?'

'Yes, but how can I tell her? How can I do that to her?' Joey thought of her sisters distress and cringed. 'She's already lost mom.'

'She is not going to lose you!' he stated firmly, 'and it will hurt her more if you don't tell her,' he passed her the phone, shoved some coins in and Joey dialled the B&B.

'Hey Bess, it's Joey...ok...' her voice cracked slightly, 'um could you come to visit soon because...oh god...' Joey began to cry hopelessly the phone hanging limply in her hand. Before it dropped from her hand completely Pacey had taken it from her.

'Joey...Joey...' Bessie was calling out.

'Hey Bess, it's Pacey,' he tried to breathe, deeply terrified of departing the news he knew he had to.

'Pacey, what's going on? Is Joey ok?'

'God Bess, I'm not sure how to say this,' Pacey suddenly understood why Joey had found it so difficult.

'Say what Pacey? Tell me now because if my little sister is in some kind of trouble, so help me I'll...' Bessie wasn't sure what was going on.

'Joey's not very well,' he interrupted her. 'We're at the hospital now,' he managed to say as he tried not to look at his girlfriends panicked eyes, knowing he'd be finished if he did.

'Pacey?' Bessie's voice was filled with fear.

'She's been ill for a while, she's got cancer, the same as your mom,' Pacey hated saying the words knowing that from that point forward everything would be different. There was silence on the other end of the phone.

'I'll be there as soon as I can,' Bessie croaked. 'Which hospital?'

'Boston General,' Pacey closed his eyes and then hung up when he heard the click on the other end. Without meeting her eyes he hugged Joey close. 'Lets get up there, huh?'

'Ok,' she nodded.

* * *

They'd only been at the hospital for fifteen minutes when Joey was taken into the treatment room. They were both relieved when Pacey was allowed to accompany her.

'Ok Joey you know what's going to happen now?' the nurse smiled kindly. Numbly Joey nodded. 'Ok, so we're going to take you down to theatre so that we can put in a central line called a Hickman line,' the nurse had finished taking her blood, her blood pressure and her pulse.

'My mom had one,' Joey explained hugging Pacey's hand tightly, hating the hospital gown she was forced to wear.

'Ok,' the nurse gave her a brief but sympathetic look. 'So you know a bit about what you're dealing with. When we get the blood test results we can tailor your chemotherapy appropriately,' the nurse looked at her patient who nodded numbly. 'Ok you're all done. We'll take you down in about ten minutes.'

'Can Pacey come?' Joey asked hopefully.

'Can I?' he added.

'I'm afraid not, it'll be only a few hours before you're back here Josephine. I'm sorry.'

Pacey hugged his girl tightly as the nurse left them alone.

'I'm so sorry Pacey, I'm so sorry this is happening.'

'You never need to be sorry. Not ever,' Pacey kissed her hoping it wouldn't be long before he was able to do it again.

* * *

'Jen, it's Pacey,' he wasn't sure how he could manage to talk. Joey was in recovery and he was waiting for her to be brought back to her room.

'Where the hell are you Witter?' Jen giggled, the noise of Hells Kitchen filtering into her cell. Pacey fought back the overwhelming urge to cry. 'Pacey are you there?'

'Hmmm,' the tears were threatening against his lids.

'Where are you Pace?' the laughter was gone and the noise behind her had died down as if she had hushed the people around her. Pacey couldn't answer as he thought of Joey being wheeled to theatre. 'Pacey?'

'Boston General,' he croaked the words thickly.

'Boston General? What's going on Pacey? Why are you there?' Jen was startled and clearly those around her picked up her words, as he heard familiar voices questioning.

'Joey,' the tears began to fall and he swiped at them helplessly.

'Pacey, we'll come now,' Jen said quickly.

'No no,' he desperately wanted to explain but he just couldn't.

'But Pacey?' she protested.

'She's sick, she's been sick for a long time.'

'Nothing to do with a toothache?' there was no humour in her voice this time.

'Cancer- Leukaemia to be precise,' the words were a wrench from his heart and gut, and took most of his energy.

'Oh god Pace,' Jen sounded weak.

'I'll meet you at Grams tonight when visiting hours are over,' he said and abruptly hung up.

* * *

'Pacey,' Bessie burst into the corridor of Boston General where Pacey was waiting whilst the nurse began Joey's first course of chemo. Alexander was on her hip and Bodie brought up the rear. 'What's going on? Answer me now Pacey?'

'I found out this morning, she's had it for a while but was scared,' Pacey stumbled on his words and Bodie took Bessies hand as they both stared at him. Pacey looked drained and as if he could barely keep going.

'I don't understand,' Bessie looked like she might cry but then seemed to pull herself together. 'We need to be strong,' she told them all firmly but Pacey merely covered his eyes with his hands remembering the day spent watching them prepare her weakened body for the harsh medications they wanted to filter into her blood. 'Pacey,' she said quite sharply.

'Give the kid a break,' Bodie told her softly.

'I'll be strong, I promise,' Pacey told them at length.

Bessie didn't seem to know what to do with herself and so she passed Bodie their son and then hugged Pacey quickly.

'What's her doctor called?' she asked eventually.

'Mr Singe. He's a nice guy - they've been trying to get her to come in for ages,' Pacey defended the doctor knowing Bessie's temper.

'So why now?' Bessie asked with a small frown.

'I found out by accident - she told me Mr Singe was her dentist, I rang to make her an appointment...'

'Oh god,' Bessie hugged him again. 'Thank you Pacey.'

'Don't thank me, I should have known,' Pacey felt the guilt again.

'There's no way you could have - we didn't know. Joey can be very good at hiding things. Don't you get cross at yourself,' Bessie looked at him in a motherly fashion. 'Do we know the prognosis?' she asked the question slowly and with care.

'All I know is it's the same as what your mom had, which Joey said generally has a poor prognosis given that it is rare and has certain difficulties associated with it. It's gone untreated, but I don't know,' Pacey put his fists in his eyes again. 'The nurse she said something about how Joey responds to treatment.'

* * *

'Hello gorgeous,' Pacey couldn't quite manage a smile as he walked into her room when the nurse had finally told him it was ok.

'Pacey,' she seemed so pleased to see him.

'How you doing sweet girl?' Pacey plonked a big kiss on her lips.

'The medicine is going in,' she rolled her eyes surprising him with her good spirits.

'Well that's good,' he frowned with concern when she showed him the plastic tube and bag of liquid medicines hanging from her chest.

'How are you? It must have all been a bit much?' she looked at him with concern.

'You know me, I'm tough,' he tried to give her a gallant smile but it didn't quite work.

'Oh yeah, made of stone,' she teased with a gentle smile and poked him softly in his chest.

'Are you ragging on me Potter? Because its been one hell of a day,' Pacey slipped into the playful tones he knew she was angling for.

'I'm actually kind of bored and ragging on you is a past time I've long enjoyed,' she smiled widely at him.

'Well now it's funny you should mention boredom. I won't be hurt that my company no longer satisfies but shall go and get your guests,' he made a mock bow.

'Guests?' there was an edge to her voice. 'I'm not sure...'

'It's Bessie, Bodie and Alexander out there desperate to see you - shall I bring them in?'

'They'll make a nice change, I suppose,' she let out a soft sigh, but her hand had taken his.

'I love you too,' he told her sarcastically.

'I know,' she bantered back annoyingly.

* * *

'Hey little sis,' Bessie took in her tired looking sister, with the short hair cut she'd never seen and in an instant her arms were around her. Bodie dropped a kiss on her head and Alexander tried to scramble to her, prevented by Bessie.

'Bessie I'm so glad you're here,' Joey was surprised at how relieved she was to see her big sister. 'Pacey was starting to get dull,' she added as an aside, an attempt to lighten the serious atmosphere. Bessie recognized it as the same coping mechanism her mother had used.

'Well then I'm glad I'm here too! But Joey you should have told me, you should have, look at your hair!' Bessie's words came out in a rush.

'I cut it,' she explained a little ruefully. 'So it wouldn't feel so bad when it all fell out.'

'I brought you up some scarves some of moms.'

'Thank you,' Joey smiled. 'Mom had nice scarves if I remember right.' There was a moment when they looked at each other, both remembering their mother and how her battle with the same disease had ended. Bessie squeezed her sisters hand. 'There's always a chance my hair wont fall out, not everyone's does, but I think we know where I am on the whole if it can go wrong it will thing,' she gave them a cheerful battering of her lashes and blew Alexander a kiss, then blew Pacey one, clearly trying to keep everyone's mood up. 'Don't want you getting jealous now,' she teased. Pacey began to crumple inside.

'Just going to washroom,' he told them his voice thick. Bessie gave Bodie and pointed look and he followed Pacey out.

* * *

When the boys exited the washroom Pacey's eyes were suspiciously red but he smiled at Bessie in the corridor.

'How come you're not in there?' he asked.

'She's having a few adverse reactions to the treatment. The nurse just wanted to get her sorted,' Bessie looked down.

'What kind of symptoms?' Pacey blanched at the thought.

'Normal stuff with chemo Pace. She just got pretty sick that's all,' Bessie tried to calm him seeing his distress.

'But she seemed ok a few minutes ago? She seemed happy?' Pacey grimaced - it had been weird to see her so happy.

'That's how mom was. The sicker she got the more she wanted everyone around her to be ok with it - it was a way to cope. Joey's the same. If it wasn't serious she'd be grumpy as hell, but because it is serious she wants to make us feel better. Don't knock it Pacey because it's what will keep her going when things are really tough and believe me this is just the start.'

'But what's going to keep me going?' he muttered almost to himself.

'You should go home and rest Pacey. Its been a long day already. We will look after her you know,' Bessie put a hand on his arm but he shook his head.

'I'm staying here till they kick us out,' he told her adamantly.

'But you have college and work?' Bessie protested. 'You need to talk to the college for her.'

'I know, but those things can wait. I'll sort it when I'm satisfied that she's ok in here.'

'Ok,' Bessie gave up the fight.

'Where are you guys staying tonight?' he asked at length.

'We hadn't arranged anywhere,' Bodie told him.

'Well, you guys stay in our dorm room and I'll bunk down with Jen and Jack,' he moved down the corridor to loiter outside Joey's room.

'You know he's only doing that because Grams house is nearer the hospital?' Bodie asked and Bessie nodded.

* * *

Five exhausting hours later Pacey made his weary way to Gram's house. He wanted a hot shower and a change of clothes. He just hoped that Jack would have some clothes he could borrow. Never in his entire life had he experienced a more awful day. He wasn't sure how he was still managing to put one foot in front of the other. He'd only eaten because Bodie had picked him something up. He hadn't wanted to leave her, not for a second. He hated the nurses for inflicting the separation on him even now. He was so used to her nearness that he loathed the Joey void suddenly present everywhere he looked.

He and Bessie had spent the afternoon attempting to entertain Joey or at least keep her mind away from the nausea. Bodie took Alexander out for the afternoon because Joey was clearly not reacting well to the treatment and the little boy was restless. She kept vomiting, her head hurt and she looked exhausted. Bessie had explained it was because the cocktail of drugs used to treat Leukaemia and her Leukaemia in particular was far greater than for other cancers, which was also why they put the tube in her chest. Pacey took the information in dazedly. There was so much to learn and know. So many ways to help take care of her, in her eyes the most important being to keep her from boredom. To that extent he read to her until he finished _Little Women_ and began on one of his favourite books, _Cats Cradle_ by Kurt Vonnegut. Joey had tried to banter back and forth with him, she'd even tried to argue with Bessie but the treatment was knocking her for six and mostly she just let his melodious voice wash over her.

Knocking on the door of Grams townhouse Pacey wasn't sure he had the energy for what was about to occur, but he knew he had to get through it. There were a lot of worried people waiting for him to calm their fears. Grams was the one who opened the door.

'Come in dear boy, they've been waiting for you... ' she ushered him in and immediately enveloped him in a hug which was almost more than he could take. 'How is she?'

'Umm, started her first lot of chemo,' his voice cracked and Grams allowed him a few moments to breathe deeply.

'They're in the lounge and fairly anxious,' she told him and so he headed through to face the proverbial music.

'Pacey,' Jen was on her feet as he entered the room and Dawson and Jack looked up at him their faces pale and drawn.

'What's going on Pacey?' Dawson didn't waste time.

'Dawson Leery, you give this boy time to sit down, he's clearly had an awful day,' Grams admonished as Pacey sunk thankfully into an armchair and welcomed the cup of tea Grams sent his way.

'Sorry Pace,' Dawson's apology was unexpected and tears sprung to Pacey's eyes. Closing his eyes for a minute he waited until the urge to cry abated.

'Forget it,' he waved a dismissive hand.

'What happened Pace?' Jack was clearly nervous as he kept fiddling with the papers on his lap, rolling them and then unrolling them.

'Cancer happened, to Joey again,' Pacey couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. 'As if she hadn't dealt with enough. It takes her mom and now it's trying to take her.'

'It's not an entity Pace, it's a disease,' Dawson said gently but Pacey just glared at him._ What do you know? What the fuck do you know_? To Pacey cancer seemed to have a vendetta on the Potter family. There was a price on their heads. He shuddered.

'She's having chemo and she's pretty optimistic and cheerful, painfully so, but dragging her down is the fact that it's the same type her mom had and we know where that went,' Pacey spoke carefully.

'How long have you known?' Jen stuttered the question.

'Since this morning. I made her that dentist appointment like you suggested only, well, it wasnt the dentist.'

'So how long has she known?' Jack looked at his hands unable to look up.

'A couple of months.'

'A couple of months!' Dawson was dumbfounded. 'How the hell could you not know something was up with her?' Pacey looked down at the question. It was the question that had been plaguing him all afternoon.

'He did Dawson,' Jen scowled. 'Pacey has been worrying and looking out for her since we came back after Christmas - she was being odd but she's good at hiding the truth.'

'Odd how?' Dawson was now staring at Jen.

'She's been distracted, you know. Not her tidy self. She cut her hair off short,' Jen said softly as Dawson clapped his hands to his head.

'How stupid are you Pace? Don't you remember her mom doing that? You should have known,' Dawson slung the words at him clearly furious but Pacey just sighed quietly.

'I'm angry to Dawson,' he told him simply.

'You don't seem angry,' Dawson was venomous.

'I am fucking furious,' Pacey yelled unexpectedly. 'Don't you dare tell me how I feel when you don't know. I love that girl more than I love myself. And I should have noticed, you're damn right, but I didn't and if I sit here blaming myself I am going to be no good for her and she needs me. I will not let you drive me from her Dawson.' Pacey was leaning over him clearly wanting to vent the pent up frustrations.

'Ok Pace come on,' Jen pulled at him and led him from the room leaving Jack and Dawson alone.

'You should cut the guy some slack,' Jack told Dawson who was sat glaring furiously at the blank television.

'Did everybody forget that she's my best friend? That this is the girl I love as well?' the self-pity made Jack look at him surprised.

'Maybe we'd be more inclined to remember how you feel if you showed a little consideration for the way Pacey is feeling,' Jack suggested.

'Ok fair point,' Dawson conceded at length.

'Pacey and Joey are great for each other, they're great together. If you saw them together you'd know it. They're not perfect and they bicker like they always have but he looks after her. He challenges her. And he really loves her. He loved her for years and he hid it, in part for you, don't punish him Dawson. And don't punish him for the fact that Joey loves him back the same way. Now's not the time,' Jack stood up and left the room to go find Jen and Pacey, leaving Dawson alone with his thoughts.

* * *

'Morning gorgeous,' Pacey grinned as he entered Joeys room clutching a teddy bear.

'Mmmmm hello Pace,' she gave him a sleepy smile and he kissed her gently. 'I stupidly thought being in hospital would earn me a lie in, being away from Mr Morning himself and all,' her voice was hoarse and she looked extremely pale, like she might throw up at any moment.

'No such luck! Mr Morning is wherever you are missy,' he gave her another kiss, again gently.

'What's with the teddy bear? Am I six?' she asked looking at the cuddly bear, her voice little more than a whisper.

'No, they said I couldn't bring flowers so I did an exchange at the children's ward,' he grinned as she took it from him and hugged it to her.

'You know teddy bears really work - they're great for a hug,' she rested her chin on the bears head.

'I know who else is great for a hug,' he looked at her with innocent eyes.

'Come here you big soppy bastard,' she put her arms around him and hugged him as close as she could, putting all of her affection into it.

'I missed you last night,' he whispered.

'I don't think you would have found me very entertaining.'

'You were sick?' he scrunched his nose sympathetically.

'I don't think chemo agrees with me,' she scrunched her nose back.

'Well you look as gorgeous as ever this morning which is just as well as you have visitors.'

'I do?' she looked pleased and yet also uncertain.

'Don't tell me, I'm boring you already?' he hazarded a guess.

'The way you read my mind is a little dull! Who's here?'

'Jen, Jack and Dawson. Grams will call through later and no one else knows.'

'Well go get them,' she gave him a small cheeky smile. It looked like it took a lot of effort.

'Don't smile like that Potter, you know it makes me want you,' he groaned and kissed her neck softly, it was true after all.

'You always want me,' she smiled more.

'You're a nightmare. A walking, talking nightmare,' he teased softly.

'And you're the one dating me!' she echoed his soft tease.

Throwing his hands in the air he went to fetch their friends.

'Hey guys,' she looked down a little embarrassed as they walked in. Her three friends shifted around, uncomfortable in the surroundings. 'Well give me a hug,' she said eventually and one by one they complied.

'You should have told us Joey,' Jen told her.

'I should have. I'm sorry, I really am.'

'I wish I'd been here Jo. I wish I'd seen what was going on,' Dawson was contrite and it bothered the hell out of Pacey.

'Don't be silly Dawson, you couldn't have seen what was going on - I hide things very well.'

'But your hair,' he spluttered.

'So I wanted a new haircut - most girls have several different styles,' she shrugged easily. She looked around her and Pacey handed her the glass of water no one else knew she was looking for at the same time as a nurse brought her in some peppermint tea.

'How did you know?' she asked grinning but the nurse shrugged and looked at Pacey. 'Pacey thank you.'

'If anyone knows how much you need a warm drink in the morning it's me,' he explained. 'So I gave them a warning about you and your morning moods,' he took her hand.

'I'll be sure to correct them. I'm sweet as hell in the morning!'

'I agree with the hell but I'm not sure about the sweet,' Jack said before Pacey could.

'However you are frighteningly cheerful this morning?' Pacey appraised her carefully.

'It's easier to be a morning person when you haven't been to sleep,' she promptly yawned.

'So what now Jo?' Dawson looked at her with concern.

'More chemo today and then another three days and then a break. If I don't go into remission, then more chemo. This is called the Induction phase,' Joey explained easily.

'So how long will you be in here?' Jen stared at her friend.

'A month or so. And by the end of the week I'll probably be bald so I want no sniggering about my oddly shaped head, just all the pretty scarves you have and a cheep blond wig. I always wanted to see myself as a blond,' Joey gave Jen a look and the two of them smiled.

'That I can do,' she gave a nod.

'What about Worthington Jo?' Dawson had to ask.

'Pacey's going to sort it out for me today. I'll probably have to make up my year one units next year but that's ok,' she smiled but didn't add provided I'm here next year which was what she was thinking.

'I'm not leaving you today Jo,' Pacey shook his head.

'Yes you are Pace. Even if I have to enlist the help of these guys to drag you away. You have English class this morning and politics this afternoon and I don't want you to miss them. I'll be fine. I believe Dawson is friendless this morning and Bessie is coming by, so I wont be lonely. Besides I'm having the next lot of chemo so I'll probably spend the next few hours worshiping the porcelain chamber.'

'Don't they give you one of those cardboard things to be sick in?' Jack asked horrified.

'Yeah but I prefer the toilet. Keeps me feeling like a student,' she teased and Jack managed a small smile.

'Quite the party Miss Potter,' Mr Singe strode into the room. He was a small Indian man and he immediately dominated the room.

'These are my friends from school,' she told her doctor.

'Do the friends from school mind waiting in the corridor?' he gave her a wink as the nurse slipped into the crowded room. 'Pacey can stay.'

'They all need to get to class anyway, including Pacey,' Joey gave her boyfriend a stern look. 'My sister is coming in later.'

'I'll wait outside,' Dawson gave her a nod which she reciprocated.

'Good, good,' Mr Singe stepped aside so the nurse could take her pulse.

Her friends gave her small waves goodbye and left the room, Pacey lingering.

'You'll be ok Jo?' he asked clutching her hand.

'I'll be just fine. And I'd rather you than Dawson but I want you to go to classes!' she quelled the fear she knew he had.

'Ok,' he grinned.

'We'll look after her, have no fear,' Mr Singe assured him.

'Love you Jo. I'll be back later.'

'Good,' she closed her eyes as he kissed her softly.

'If you have any infection you must not kiss her, anything at all,' Mr Singe told him sternly and Pacey saluted making Joey smile.

'Bye Pace.'

'Bye Joey.'


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Pacey strode down the corridor of the hospital with purpose, his normal swagger a little hurried. In order to spend some time at the hospital with Joey before his eight-thirty class he had to be there by around seven. He knew Dawson would get there at about nine, so Joey wouldn't be alone for too long after he left. Bessie or Bodie would turn up at around ten and then he'd be back for lunch. Someone would be there in the afternoon, usually him, Jen or Jack, along with Dawson whilst he was around. Between them they'd managed to keep her from being alone for the last four days. Unfortunately it would all change at the weekend because Bodie and Bessie needed to go back to Capeside and run the B&B and Dawson was due to fly back to LA. Pacey wasn't sure what they would do then and secretly he was concerned that Joey would have to spend too much time alone.

Pacey made his way straight to the family room in the Cancer Treatment Centre and made a mug of peppermint tea. He grinned warmly at the nurse who entered. She had been working early shifts all week.

'Hi Pacey,' the nurse smiled at him as she did every morning when she found him in the family room. The room was provided as there were long term patients and those around them often needed a space to go without actually leaving the hospital.

'How is she? Is she up?' he asked the usual questions.

'She's wide awake, though she did manage to sleep some of last night, a lot of it was spent being sick. However, she's woken up feeling better.'

'Oh,' his face brightened, 'well that's good.'

'Go on in and see her - she'll be pleased to see you.'

Nodding, Pacey headed to Joey's room where he pushed inside carrying the tea and several bags.

'Good morning sweet Jo!' he said softly as he put the cup by her bed and the bags he was carrying on the floor.

'Pacey,' she pushed herself up into a sitting position and held out her arms for a hug which he happily gave her, holding her close for several moments.

'How you doing?'

'Better now you're here,' she clung to his hand with her thin fingers that he couldn't quite look at.

'I can stay today if you like?' he wanted her to say yes but he knew she wouldn't.

'One of us is going to keep attending classes,' she pressed her forehead to his and rolled her eyes. 'Granted I didn't think it would be you,' she teased.

'One of us still needs to explain why you're not attending them,' he admitted apologetically.

'Pacey,' she admonished.

'Today I promise, it's not exactly the easiest thing to share.'

'I know,' she agreed ruefully.

'Talking of class, I had an interesting conversation with Bessie last night,' Pacey began.

'What about?' Joey lay back onto her pillows, moving her legs so he could sit on the end of her bed.

'Apparently she and Bodie had a visitor yesterday afternoon.'

'At our dorm?' Joeys eyes glinted. 'Who?'

'Not Monica or any of the usual suspects,' he dragged the story out.

'Then who?' she pursed her brow.

'Miles Lambert,' he enjoyed her reaction. Her hand covered her mouth and her eyes widened,

'No,' she gasped and then laughed softly. 'He must have got a shock!'

'Apparently he introduced himself and then told them how much you had spoken about your wonderful sister. Bessie asked me if I thought you might have been involved with him at some point!'

'No!' she grinned again.

'Oh yes, he was very complimentary of your talents, your abilities in class, he wanted to talk to you and see if you might come back to class,' Pacey explained.

'If I could I might consider it, poor Lambert, he must have been terrified when they answered the door!'

'Bodie used the word "tremble,"'Pacey filled in.

'I wish I'd seen it,' she smiled. He watched her eyes flit to the bags he'd carried in and then quickly away again.

'So aren't you even a little interested about what's in my bags?' he acted hurt knowing how curious she was.

'If I asked you'd only make me wait longer,' she shrugged dismissively.

'Joey!' he complained wanting her to play the game.

'Pacey what's in the bags? Please, please tell me?' she gave him her best pleading voice.

'Well seeing as you asked so nicely,' he reached for the bags 'I brought a few little things for entertainment he pulled out a tattered old box of Battleship.

'You know I hate that game,' she frowned at him.

'But you do however like a challenge! You only hate the game because you suck at it. Now is your chance to get better,' he winked.

'Evil man!' she told him as he pulled out a small, old CD player

'I thought this would come in handy when I'm not here to read you stories - you can listen to them on CD,' he explained.

'That's such a good idea! Thank you Pacey,' she was in his arms and holding him so close he could feel the plastic of the tube in her chest against his chest.

'Of course you'll miss my dulcet tones,' he continued.

'Oh absolutely,' she nodded, just a trace of sarcasm in her voice. 'Thank you so much Pace.'

'We're not done yet missy,' he waggled a finger at her which she caught and bit seductively. 'Now what did Mr Singe say about infection?' he scolded. 'I don't think he'd like foreign objects in your mouth.'

'What did Mr Singe say about infection?' she took his whole finger into his mouth, swirling her tongue around it seductively, making him groan in the process. She nipped it and lay back down. He leant forward until his lips were against her ear,

'Jo, we're in a public hospital - as much as I want to take delicious advantage of you it may not be wise, so don't tempt me.'

'Spoil sport,' she pouted. 'There's always the bathroom and another foreign object I could attend to?' she battered her lashes.

'Next gift?' he croaked trying to divert her attention and his own from the hardness in his jeans. Inwardly he was jumping for joy that she seemed so well.

'Ok,' she rolled her eyes.

'This is a loan,' he warned and passed her his mini-disc player.

'Really?' her eyes lit up.

'Yes, now you've got three discs I made you. The first is the most ultimate collection of rock classics. I suggest you listen and learn to love them,' he firmly pressed the disc into her hand. 'I got Jen to help me make a collection of your favourite music,' he scowled at the disc as if it offended him but she just laughed and grasped it. 'Finally we've got mystery disc three. This is a little something I put together. You have to guess the theme,' he passed her the final disc.

'A game,' her eyes shone.

'To relieve the boredom.'

'Thanks Pace,' she kissed him. He noticed that she looked paler than she had just a minute before and there was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead.

'Don't thank me, I had fun doing it for you.'

You're so...' She trailed off as her stomach wretched violently and she knew she was going to be sick.

'Perfect?' he filled in hopefully but reached for a cardboard tub for her to vomit in. He'd grown to know the look well. It would come over her quite suddenly. What little colour she had would fade from her face and her eyes would water up. He got the tub to her just in time and moved so he could rub her back. When she was finally done he put down the tub and passed her a tissue still rubbing her back gently.

'Yes perfect,' she mewed weakly. 'Sorry Pace.'

'No apologies remember,' he kissed her cheek softly. 'I'll get the nurse and dispose of that,' he indicated the tub. 'You ok? No more?'

'I'm sure there'll be more but hopefully not for a while,' she smiled feebly, all the energy and spark gone.

Pacey rang the bell and the nurse came in hustling and bustling to clear away the tub whilst Pacey helped Joey with cleaning her teeth.

'Ok my girl. As much as I want to stay here and be with you, you meanly insist I go to class so I better go.'

'Ok,' she nodded regretting her insistence.

'I love you Jo,' he reassured her. 'No amount of vomit will change that.'

He kissed her cheek again and grabbing his bag headed for the door. Outside the room he leant against the closed door trying to clear his head. It was hard to see her that way. Not just for him but for all of them. He took several deep breaths and wished, for the millionth time that it wasn't Joey in that room. Despite knowing the horror of her illness, if someone offered him the chance to switch places with her he'd have done so in an instant.

* * *

'Hello,' Pacey poked his head into the room but Joey didn't seem to notice. She was alone and apparently making use of his mini-disc player. He was pleased with the smile plastered on her beautiful lips. Gently he tapped her shoulder.

'Pacey,' she reached up to kiss him then tugged out the earphones and pressed pause.

'Where's Dawson?' he queried. 'Or Bessie?'

'I wanted to rest. I wasn't great again today - i think this is the longest stretch I've managed without being sick and we're at...' she looked at the clock, 'fifteen minutes,' she patted his hand, and then threaded her fingers through his.

'Shall I go?'

'No way,' she held his hand tighter.

'Which disc are you listening to?' he asked sitting down beside her.

'Disc number three,' she almost giggled, but she was clearly to weak.

'And do you have the theme?'

'Seriously Pace, it took me a while, but the more I listened the more obvious it was,' this time she smiled.

'So?' he waited expectantly.

'These songs have the worlds stupidest lyrics,' she swatted him.

'You thought Bob Dylans, _I Shall Be Free No. 10_ had stupid lyrics?' he protested in mock horror, secretly pleased as punch that she had guessed the theme.

'Well I don't know about you but it's not exactly straight face material,' she actually laughed.

'Joey, Joey, Joey! I'll have you know those lyrics are pure genius! They're beautiful,' he teased as she laughed a little more, her hand holding her sore stomach.

'You're such an ass,' she pinched him softly, full of affection.

'And you Miss Potter have a lovely ass, which makes us the perfect couple,' he winked.

'We are a little perfect aren't we?' she wrinkled her nose in distaste.

'That we are,' he kissed her loving her warm mouth under his.

'But why _Ironic_ by Alanis Morrisette?' she asked as they parted.

'Now come on Joey? You got into the prestigious Worthington legitimately.'

'I know she messed up the meaning of ironic, not that funny though,' she told him. 'Hopefully she used her millions to by a dictionary.'

'Maybe you preferred _Oh Carolina_ by Shaggy?' he raised his eyebrows.

'For the millionth time Pace he's not singing _Oh Carolina, banana, jump on bras_,' Joey laughed.

'He is so,' and the battle was on.

* * *

Pacey hesitated outside the Deans office remembering when he had been there last. He looked to where Joey had sat then, smiling her encouragement, but the seat was empty and there was no encouragement. Hesitating only a moment longer he knocked on the door.

* * *

Entering Psychology 102 Pacey waved hello to a few people. He knew how to let them know about Joey - university worked pretty much the same way as high school. He'd tell one person and it would get round. These things always did. However, before he could set the train wreck in motion Miles Lambert accosted him.

'Pacey I heard about Josephine and if there's anything I can do,' he rubbed Paceys shoulder.

'Thanks but it's all ok, her sisters here,' Pacey couldn't miss an opportunity to tease the professor a little.

'Yes I um met her sister and the boyfriend!'

'So I heard,' Pacey grinned but it wasn't a real smile. He used all his real smiles up with Joey these days. 'I'm afraid I need to miss todays class though.'

'Of course, Dean Philips sent a memo round. I think you'll find everyone understanding,' Lamberts eyes lowered sympathetically. 'Could you tell Josephine I'm sorry for last week.'

'I will,' Pacey nodded. Was it only last week? I'm sure it was longer than that. It feels like a life time ago. He headed up the stairs to exit the room, forgetting the train wreck momentarily.

'Pacey? Where are you going?' Monica yelled.

'Yeah man, what gives?' his friend Sam joined in the protest.

'And where the hell is Joey?' a girl called Cathy demanded. Most of the class was now staring at him expectantly. Slowing his pace reluctantly Pacey leant over and whispered into Monicas ear. The girls face contorted with an array of emotions as he spoke. Straightening back up Pacey gave her shoulder a squeeze and waved good bye to his friends as they moaned and cat called. Monica shut them up with a stern look and the truth.

* * *

'Miss Potter, this is a hospital not a fraternity house,' Mr Singe protested as he weaved his way through the ten people littered around her bed. A different lot of people to the group he'd had to beat a path through earlier in the afternoon, he noted.

'These are more of my college friends,' she explained with a smile.

'So I see,' he scowled at Sam who was showing Joey the rude dot-to-dot book he'd bought for her. The noise in the room was almost deafening. Everyone was talking to Joey and too each other whilst Pacey sat on the bed next to Joey acting as though the mayhem was akin to perfect order. He was also keeping a close eye on Joey to make sure it wasn't to much for her. 'Everybody out!' Mr Singe finally shouted.

'But...' Joey protested.

'Everybody out,' he was in no mood to compromise. 'Five visitors at the most, at one time,' he told her.

'But...' Her mouth gaped open.

'No buts. Mr Singe knows best and too many people is too much chance for infections. All out,' he held the door open as her friends meekly filed out with hurried goodbyes and promises to return soon. You too Pacey,' he pointed at Pacey.

'Me?' Pacey pointed to himself.

'Oh yes you too. I need to talk to Joey,' Mr Singe softened. 'You can come back in a few minutes.'

'Fine,' Pacey pouted but it just made Joey laugh so he pulled his bottom lip in.

* * *

'Oh,' Dawson scowled as he saw Pacey sat outside Joey's room a few minutes later. 'Why are you out here?'

'Joey's talking with Mr Singe,' Pacey explained not in the mood for Dawson's moodiness.

'Oh,' Dawson sat down beside him. 'I came to say goodbye. I'm heading back to Capeside and then LA.'

'I know. I appreciate all the time you've spent here,' Pacey acknowledged surprisingly grateful that Dawson had been around.

'I wasn't doing it for you,' the frown on Dawsons face deepened. 'I was doing it for Joey.'

'I know,' Pacey shrugged to weary for a battle.

'Look Pace, I don't want to leave like this,' Dawson turned to him abruptly.

'Then get rid of the disgust in your voice every time you speak to me,' no one could miss the distaste that was present whenever Dawson spoke to him.

'I'm sorry if I'm finding this difficult. It's so fucking difficult. I'm furious with you Pace. You lied to me, you...you...she may love you but you let her down. You didn't look after her and now, well,' his nostrils flared in anger but he was interrupted by the doctor.

'You can go back in Pacey,' Mr Singe had appeared outside the door unnoticed.

Pacey stood but Dawson jumped in front of him and put a hand on his chest to stop him,

'I'm going to go say goodbye,' he growled and stalked off. Seething with anger Pacey kicked at the chair splintering the wood.

'Pacey,' Mr Singe stilled him with his hand. 'Come with me,' he led him away taking him to the staff room where he made him a cup of tea and spent a few minutes helping him vent his anger.

* * *

'Pacey?' Joey queried softly as she heard the door go.

'It's Dawson,' he sat on the chair beside her bed.

'Hey,' she smiled brightly hoping he wouldn't notice her disappointment.

'I came to say goodbye Jo. I've got to head to Capeside. Lilys christening is all arranged. My mom and dad are going to visit you next week.'

'That'll be nice,' she blinked distinctly.

'I don't want to leave,' he took her hand.

'I don't want you to leave,' she whispered.

'If you need me at all just call and I'll fly over. Jens going to keep me well informed about what's going on,' he watched the tears fill her eyes.

'Ok,' she rubbed away the tears viciously.

'I didn't mean to upset you...' he trailed off.

'You didn't,' she gesticulated with her hands, 'its just been nice seeing you, nice seeing you as friends again.'

'If only my visit had been different,' he sighed reflectively.

'I'm sorry,' she looked down hugging "Poop," the bear Pacey had given her and named.

'Don't you be sorry. If anyone should be sorry it's...' he trailed off.

'Go on say it,' her eyes flashed.

'If anyone should be sorry it's Pacey! There I said it!' he threw his hands in the air leaning back in his seat.

'You just don't get it do you Dawson?' Joey sighed.

'I get it just fine. So you didn't come out and say what was going on but there were signs. I would have known,' his pursed lips angered her.

'Since when did you become so high and mighty? If you'd asked and I'd denied it what could you have done?'

'I... well, I would have forced you to admit it,' Dawson stuttered slightly.

'Like Pacey,' she queried clearly pissed.

'No not like Pacey, sooner than Pacey - when you cut your hair!'

'You know I put up a pretty convincing argument for that haircut. Pacey and I had been to see my dad and I told Pacey I wanted to move beyond being that little girl he hurt. I was damned adamant that was what it was about,' she was shouting the words now, startlingly pale.

'Ok, ok, point taken, but there were other things,' Dawson didn't think as he pushed her wheely table containing necessities further from her.

'Other things Pacey asked me about and supported me through. He didn't just ask if I was ok, Pacey brought me here,' her body was conducting a revolution against her but Joey was furious, 'He made this real and I needed somebody to do that,' she spluttered the words feeling suddenly weak as waves of nausea swam over her. She gestured blindly for the cardboard tubs that were now out of her reach but Dawson didn't know what was happening and when she vomited she did so over her covers, herself and the precious Poop.

'Joey are you ok?' he jumped up passing her a cardboard tub too late. Slapping his hands to his head in incompetence and frustration he tried to think what to do as Joey started to cry. He was angry with himself because he knew better, he'd seen her be sick all week. He knew that if he hadn't been so concerned with himself what had just happened might not have done so. He also feared that getting so upset was what had prompted the sickness. Quickly moving to the door he shouted for the nurse. As the nurse trotted down the hall Pacey pushed past him into the room. Turning dizzily Dawson watched him as he rushed to her side, taking some tissue to wipe her mouth with.

'Joey,' he caressed her face as she cried hopelessly out of sheer frustration at herself. 'Come on baby, its ok,' Pacey hugged her tight ignoring the vomit that stained her nightdress and the unfortunate teddy bear.

'No,' she shook her head. 'No its not,' she cried harder.

'Joey,' he kissed her forehead, stroking her hair apparently unfazed as it fell out into his hands.

'It's not ok Pacey. I don't want to be here. I don't want to die. I want to be...' a sob wracked through her, 'I want to be back at Worthington with you, going out on dates, being intimate with you.'

'Jo we're going to do all that! Trust me my girl. This isn't how this ends for us. You're going to get better and we're going to experience the world together. In fact we're experiencing the world together right now. Not the way we want to but everyday we have a new experience together!'

'This isn't the kind of new experience I want to have with you,' her face crumpled.

'I know Jo, but it's the kind of new experience we get and any experience with you is better than one without you. Now what's say we get you into the bathroom, hmm?'

'You don't need to Pace,' she protested. 'The nurse will do this.'

'Joey, I want to,' the sincerity was obvious. 'After all it's a chance to see you naked,' he shrugged easily.

'Pig,' she sniffed. 'I might have known.'

'You know well enough,' he smiled gently pushing back the covers to help her to the edge of the bed, the nurse standing redundantly with Dawson who was watching with a dazed expression. Satisfied that her patient was being looked after the nurse left for clean sheets.'Ok Jo, on three,' Pacey told her. 'One, two, three,' they stood together walking slowly to the bathroom attached to the room.

'I'm going bald Pace,' Joey moaned looking at him with something akin to adoration.

'Bald is beautiful!' he looked back at her the same way.

'I think the phrase is Big is Beautiful or Black is beautiful,' she rolled her eyes.

'Nah, now you're just being fussy,' their voices faded as the bathroom door was closed. Closing his eyes for a few moments Dawson finally left the room.

* * *

'What did Mr Singe say?' Pacey asked as he pressed a waterproof dressing over her Hickman and helped her into the bath.

'Oh,' she sat hunched in the bath, knees drawn to her chest. For a moment she didn't say anything and then she looked at him, 'it's not great Pace. You know it wasn't looking good...he's just trying to keep me, you know, informed,' she rubbed at her eyes and sighed.

'Jo, they're doing everything. Everything they can,' his voice was soft as he ran a wet flannel over her shoulders.

'I know,' she put her hand over his stilling it, pressing it against her lips and then her eyes. 'I love you.'

* * *

Pacey was surprised to find Dawson outside Joey's room when he left an hour or so later. After a bath, and a change of clothes, she'd climbed into her nurse cleaned bed and had finally fallen asleep whilst he was reading of Michael Chabon's _Wonder Boys_.

'Dawson,' he sighed wearily. 'What the hell happened in there?' Dawson was surprised that there was no accusation.

'I happened,' Dawson admitted sullenly.

'Maybe we should go outside and fight?' Pacey didn't sound serious but Dawson checked his facial expression - it was stoic.

'Nah, you'd only beat me,' Dawson assessed, the sullenness alleviating a little.

'True,' Pacey nodded. 'Might make us both feel better though!'

'Only we're not as angry at each other as we are at the situation,' Dawson looked at him, finally being the friend Pacey so desperately needed.

'True enough,' Pacey fought back the tears.

'I'm sorry for what happened. I was stressing her out, blaming you instead of doing what you've been doing all along.'

'And what's that?' Pacey looked to him.

'Being there for her. I might wish it was me but I can see how happy you make her, how happy she makes you, how much you love her. I can see how much she needs you and how good you are at being there for her. I couldn't do what you just did. It just hurt and as usual I handled it badly.'

'Hurt?'

'Seeing you together. Seeing you be something to her that I'm not anymore.'

'And all this doesn't make that hurt any easier,' Pacey acknowledged.

'I do love her,' Dawson supplied after a long pause.

'I know you do man.'

'You look after her,' Dawson told him as he stood.

'I promise.'

'And look after yourself Pacey,' they awkwardly embraced, as a few tears escaped the guards stationed at Paceys eye lids.

'Ok man,' he looked at his feet as they parted.

'I'll be back soon.'

'Sure,' but Pacey didn't look up as Dawson strode down the hall.

* * *

'Pacey said there was an emergency,' Jen bounded into Joey's room breathlessly and looking at her friend laughed. 'He didn't specify fashion emergency!' Jen looked at the handkerchief placed on Joey's head tied at all four corners as if she were a British sunbather from the fifties.

'I think he's punishing me,' Joey scowled. 'He couldn't work with my moms scarves, he couldn't do anything with them!'

'Well let me see what I can do,' Jen gingerly sat on the bed behind Joey picking a soft blue scarf from the pile on the bed in front of Joey. Carefully she tugged the handkerchief from her friends head trying not to be shocked by what she saw. She'd seen Joey only the day before, and though she'd been wearing a hat, strands of hair had poked from the bottom. Today there was nothing and it brought tears to Jens eyes. Fiddling with the scarf she blinked back tears.

'Jen...'

'Yeah Jo?' she tied the scarf on as a bandana pleased with the effect.

'Would you talk to Pacey for me? Make sure he's ok?'

'Sure,' Jen rubbed Joeys arm.

'I'm worried about him. This is hard on him and he's not talking to anyone. He's to busy being brave for me,' Joey turned to look at her friend.

'Of course I will Jo,' Jen assured her, passing her the hand held mirror kept by her bed.

'Now that's better! Why couldn't Pacey manage that?' she appraised the scarf. 'I look a little elf like,' she scowled.

'Just a little but it's cute.'

'I don't do cute,' the scowl deepened.

'You do cute very well,' Jen laughed.

'Jen I don't mean to be a pain but could you get me some water?' Joey eyed her empty jug and glass feeling the scratch in her throat from being sick to often.

'Sure thing,' Jen hopped off the bed. 'I've got to bring you the blond wig I found next time I visit, I'm kinda interested to see how you look blond!'

'God, remember when I asked you what number your hair colour was? I was such a bitch.'

'You were, huh?' Jen wrinkled her nose good-naturedly and grabbing the glass headed out of the room.

* * *

Traipsing into the Family Room Jen hadn't expected to find Pacey slouched low in a seat, a glazed expression on his face.

'Pacey, I thought you went home,' she stood uncertainly at the door. Pacey didn't seem to hear her. Putting down the glass she approached him, sitting down. 'Pace?' she put a hand on his arm causing him look at her.

'Hi,' he shrugged helplessly.

'Are you ok Pace?'

'No,' he shook his head. 'I'm not ok at all,' the tears pooled in his eyes. 'I keep trying to be strong but all I can think about is Joey dying. It's the first thought in my head in the morning and it's there all day until I finally fall asleep. That's if I fall asleep. I feel like I'm losing my grip here Jen. I feel like I'm losing everything.'

'She's not going to die Pace,' Jen put a hand on his wincing at the desperate pain in his clear blue eyes.

'But what if she does? What if Joey dies?'

'We cant think like that,' Jen pulled him to her where he slumped against her shoulder.

'I was there in the bathroom with her, brushing what little hair she had left and and it just kept falling out. God Jen. It kept falling out and she kept smiling as if it was all ok but she knew, she knew and and I just felt this fury. God Jen I was just so angry. I'm was so fucking angry I could...I could...' the sob racked through his body as he clung to her desperately. 'She doesn't need me to be angry but I just...' another sob broke into his speech.

'You should be, we all are,' Jen hugged him tightly.

'But it never goes. When does this end Jen? Will it ever? Don't let her die, please don't let her die,' Pacey sobbed helplessly and Jen knew he wasn't talking to her anymore, but sending out a plea to whatever divine intervention might be available.

* * *

'Look who I found loitering in the family room,' Jen smiled as Pacey followed her into Joey's room.

'Now they might argue that women and men are the same but I couldn't have made that scarf look like that on you,' Pacey teased as he kissed her. 'You look beautiful. Very cute,' he kissed her again.

'Not cute,' she moaned but took his hand and held it tightly, seeing that tears had been in his eyes.

'Joey, I gotta go but Jack and I will be in later,' Jen gave her a quick hug.

'Bye,' Joey waited as Jen exited the room. 'Are you ok Pace?'

'I kinda had a moment,' he looked at their entwined hands.

'You can talk to me, I don't need you to be brave all the time,' she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

'But I want to be there for you, I...'

'Being there for me doesn't mean ignoring how you feel,' Joey pointed out softly. 'How do you feel?'

'Scared,' he looked at her with wide eyes. 'Fucking terrified to be more precise.'

'I'm scared to and I'd really like it if we could be scared together,' she murmured after a moment.

'That we can Jo,' he leant forward, his forehead resting against hers. 'Joey?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm still angry - really, really, uncontrollably angry,' he whispered.

'I know and that's ok Pace. I don't mind that you're still angry,' she kissed him.

'But it's eating me up?'

'Then stop keeping it in,' she wrapped her hands behind his neck.

'How?'

'I don't know, write it down, shout at Jack - he wouldn't mind, curse, yell out at Boston harbour, yell at me.'

'I'm not angry at you,' he wanted to clarify.

'I know, but that's not the point. I love you Pace and relationships are two way. You don't need to be strong all the time,' as she murmured the words tears sprung to his eyes.

'I love you,' he whispered as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

* * *

Joey laughed as Pacey wheeled her through the park, running with intermittent enthusiasm.

'Aaaaaaaaah,' she screamed to the world evoking some confused stares.

'Whats up with you?' Pacey leaned over her shoulder chuckling.

'Just pleased to be free of that room!' she laughed.

'We're just lucky it's a nice day and Mr Singe relented,' Pacey sped up again and she laughed.

'You'll make me sick and then you wont be so cocky,' she warned and he abruptly slowed down, ignoring the sympathetic looks people shot his way every time they took in Joey with her blue head scarf and surgical mask dangling around her neck that Mr Singe had insisted she take for crowded environments. Every time he felt eyes tuned on him in sympathy he wanted to shout at them that he didn't need it. That he was with the woman he loved and sympathy was what neither of them needed because they were together. But he never did shout it because deep down he knew that at times they both needed compassion and understanding. The problem with the looks were that they made him remember what he tried so hard to forget when he was with Joey, when they were together, bantering back and forth as if there was nothing wrong.

'Here you go,' he passed her half a loaf of bread as they came to a stop by the lake, chucking a chunk at the enthusiastic ducks himself. Watching Joey throw the bread and laugh at the ducks he smiled as well. She'd changed so much in only ten days. She may have lost weight and her hair but looking at her he thought her as beautiful as ever. Even more beautiful if it was possible. The joy of being near her never faded. It had forcibly been altered, but that was irrelevant to Pacey. The girl sat in the wheelchair throwing bread to greedy ducks and catching his eye with her shining ones was everything to him. Though it broke his heart that she wasn't yet in remission and the chemo cycle was to start again, Pacey was right where he wanted to be when he was with her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Pacey strolled into Hells Kitchen with Jen and Jack, the three of them laughing. The barman, a guy called Alex, put three beers on the bar for them. He knew them well, he and Jen had even shared a romantic interlude and, he forewent asking for IDs when no one else was around.

'Thanks man,' Pacey grinned scooping all three into his hands and heading for the table Jen and Jack had occupied. 'Get your mouths around these,' he plonked the beers onto the table.

'I swear to God he's gay. Jack do you think he's gay?' Jen stared at Jack waiting.

'Me? Woah, I'm definitely not gay,' Pacey held up his hands defensively.

'You tell me if he's gay! You've got a better gaydar than I do,' Jack protested promptly sipping at his beer.

'He's definitely gay,' Jen nodded definitively.

'I am not,' Pacey told them with no lack of certainty.

'Not you Pace, Alex,' Jack grinned but Jen just stared furtively at the barman who did seem to have more interest in Pacey and Jack than Jen, his ex. Pacey turned his attention to the barman in question and was rewarded with a wink.

'Definitely gay,' Pacey confirmed.

'And definitely cute,' Jack appraised Alex.

'Oh no,' Jen turned to Jack shaking her head furiously. 'I'm not sharing men with you, I'll share most things but not men,' she waggled a finger at him that he caught.

'Ahhh come on Jen,' he gave her a cheeky smile.

'Oh go on,' she sighed dramatically, but Jack stayed beside her. 'Well aren't you going to go for it?'

'The first step in the art of seduction is let them come to you,' Jack slumped back in his seat and grinned at Pacey who returned the gesture.

'Grrr!' Jen slumped back looking at the empty seat on Pacey's right longingly.

* * *

'Ok Miss Potter, lets transform you,' Jen poked her head round the door with a broad smile.

'I'm so glad you're here,' Joey waved her over with her hands, urgency to her gestures.

'What? Why? Huh?' Jen asked.

'They did this thing today, it's a program to bring art into hospitals, we were making this mosaic, and this guy just latched onto me,' Joey looked frantically at the door as if worried he might have found her room. 'He was like; what's your favourite colour? Where did you grow up? How long have you been here?' Joey scowled.

'Sounds like a real bastard,' Jen supplied sarcastically.

'Jen! Sometimes we want to be chatted up and sometimes we don't. Firstly, I have a boyfriend who is delicious.'

'He is.'

'Secondly, I'm bald. I'm no longer a brunette but bald. I don't really think I scream come and get me boys at the moment!'

'Ahhh but you will in a moment,' Jen dramatically pulled a well-made wig from her bag which was a mass of blond curls not unlike her own hair. Removing Joey's scarf she fixed the wig onto her friends head. 'You look hot!' she giggled after a moment.

Holding up the mirror Joey looked sceptical.

'Are you planning on trying to convince people we're twins? Because I think the whole height thing might blow it for us!'

'It didn't for Danny Devito and Arnie,' Jen quipped.

'You know, I kind of like it,' Joey angled her head. 'I look different.'

'Sexy as hell,' Jen agreed.

'I wouldn't say sexy as hell but I'm happy with different. Pacey always did have a thing for blonds,' she pouted into the mirror.

'To mask his longing for a certain brunette,' Jen pointed out.

'Jen...' Joey began tentatively.

'Yes?' Jen waited expectantly.

'Since I've been in here, Pacey and I haven't exactly, well we haven't...'

'Had sex?' Jen hazarded. It was pretty obvious Joey hadn't been well enough.

'No we haven't had sex or anything close.'

'Which is understandable.'

'Which is probably what drove my father to his weakness for other women,' Joey explained.

'Pacey isn't going to leave you for another woman if you don't give him sex. Pacey wouldn't leave you for anything.'

'I know, well I think I do, but what if I want sex or intimacy?'

'Are you ok to do that?' Jen queried.

'Whilst I'm on my break from chemo at the moment and you know, not throwing up every three minutes, I think I would be, but Pacey, I'm kind of worried that he doesn't see me like that - more as an invalid that he needs to look after?'

'Invalid is the wrong word Jo. If you're asking me if Pacey sees you as his girlfriend who's got this cancer thing, the answer is yes. Does he think you need looking after? Again a resounding yes. Does he still desire you? You can count on it. The guy is head over heels for you Jo. He's just waiting until it's something you can do that's all.'

'Maybe I can seduce him as a vampish blond?' Joey smiled.

I tried and it didn't work,' Jen teased.

'Chemistry is all down to pheromones, well that's what I read in that magazine you bought me last week.'

'That article was why I bought you the magazine,' Jen grinned.

* * *

'Joey?' Pacey peered into her empty room confused. There were no workshops or other events happening at the centre or in the hospital and the family room was empty. 'Joey?' he called again putting the box he was carrying onto the floor.

'In the bathroom,' she called out.

'How's my girl?' he asked, his mouth dropping open as he stared at her.

'Bored of waiting for you to make a move?' she rolled her eyes. The blond wig covered her head and she'd put on her Caped Capeside Crusader costume, encouraged by Jen who had just left.

'You know a nurse could find you dressed like that,' he grinned staring at her with awe.

'I don't care. I'd point out that I believe physical intimacy will help me with my mental crusade against cancer,' she told him in an educated air.

'Another appointment with the psychologist?' he raised an eye brow taking a step nearer to her.

'He told me to create a visual but when I closed my eyes the only thing I could picture was you inside me,' she shrugged a little.

'Now that's a visual I can share,' Pacey appraised her. She may have lost the curves he so loved but Joey was Joey. She'd be Joey fat and she was Joey thin.

'I told him I had a little you inside of me,' she winked, 'He told me that was good, asked me if you were chipping at the cancer, banging at it.'

'And?' he kneeled down in front of the bathtub where she sat perched on the edge placing his hands on her knees.

'I told him there was definitely some banging,' she gasped slightly as his hand smoothed over the skin of her leg reaching higher.

'And he was happy?' Pacey cooed softly his breath on her thighs.

'Not as happy as me,' she gripped the bar on the wall as he kissed her gently at the apex of her thighs. 'Pacey,' she whimpered his name.

'Yes Joey?' he looked up at her with a sultry smile.

'Please...'

'Close your eyes and visualize,' he told her and watched as her heavy lidded eyes finally shut. Carefully he kissed her again, teasing her gently with his tongue and his fingers, a low groan emitting from within him. Then her hands were gripping his hair and pulling him to her lips.

'I don't want to visualize,' she growled at him undoing his pants and pushing them down along with his boxers, finally feeling him hard in her hand after what felt like eternity.

'Fuck Joey,' he groaned as she ran her fingers over the tip and then down his length.

'Yes, you fuck Joey,' she grinned. Reaching for his pants he tugged out his wallet and retrieved the condom from it. Tearing at the wrapper he unrolled it onto himself.

'Are you ok?' he checked, but she tugged at his hips moving him inside of her a soft moan on her lips.

'Now I'm ok,' she nodded as he carefully moved further inside of her, beginning a gentle rhythm.

'You look sexy as hell as a blond,' he murmured kissing her neck and then her lips loosing a little control as her hips rose to meet his.

'I knew you had a thing for blonds,' the words were breathy as his hand reached between them and caught her clit. 'Pacey,' she pulled toward him.

'I have a thing for you,' he clarified knocking the wig from her head and nibbling at her ear lobe, something that sent pleasant sensations shooting down her spine.

'Harder,' she groaned and he allowed himself to let go feeling an orgasm rush to greet him almost as soon as he stopped holding back. Hearing Joey cry out in satisfaction was more than he could stand as his own orgasm crashed over him in an overwhelming tide of sensations.

'Fuck Joey,' he groaned as his hips thrust uncontrollably as his orgasm ebbed away.

'I think you just did,' she grinned and then pulled him close to her, so she could feel his racing heart next to hers.

* * *

Joey was perched on her bed a satisfied smile on her face as Pacey battled with a pretty scarf of Indian pink and gold. Her cape was gone but the short skirt remained and Paceys attention was torn between looking at her and remembering what had just happened and trying to tie her scarf. The result was less than neat but Joey was uncharacteristically content with it.

'You're alright Jo? Pacey asked again as he watched her lean back against the pillows and close her eyes.

'Mmmmmm,' she purred with a crooked smile. 'Tired in a deliciously un-cancer like way.'

'You cant fall asleep,' Pacey protested, 'I came to talk to you, not just have my wicked way with you.'

'And what a wicked way it was,' she cranked open an eye.

'That is was,' he agreed and the eye fell closed again. It was a lost battle as she slipped into a contented slumber. Pacey didn't leave though. He often sat by her whilst she slept, going through the familiar and yet totally alien feeling of falling in love with her all over again.

* * *

'Ok is this the twilight zone?' Jack gazed at Joey confused.

'Nope,' she poked her head from behind the Superman comic and grinned.

'Forgive me, but I thought all things Chaucer and Faust were more your thing?' he sat on the end of her bed reaching for The Amazing Spider-Man on her table.

'Pacey introduced me to the amazing world of comic-books - that one is a great read,' she nodded at the comic he was flicking through.

'Ok, who are you and where's my deliciously cynical, bitingly sarcastic friend?' he asked.

'I assure you Jack, the geek inside is just waiting to break out,' she wrinkled her nose and finally put down the comic.

'I assure you Jo, the geek inside of me broke out in high school - the cool in me is now resident.'

'If you say so Jackers,' she fondly kissed his cheek.

'Joey,' he protested in delight, 'what the hell has gotten into you?'

'Pacey,' she told him smugly.

'Ok, ok to much information,' Jack held up his hands in protest.

'You asked.'

'I didn't expect that answer,' he smirked as he set up the game of battleship between them. 'Ready to lose?'

'Feeling a little cocky huh?'

'Just a little,' he agreed.

'Little secret Jack - I've been practicing!'

* * *

Strolling down the road Pacey chuckled to himself, eliciting several stares from those he passed. The April sun was shining down and he certainly felt full of the joys of spring. Passing a flower shop he longed to buy some daffodils for Joey, just because. But of course she wasn't meant to have flowers. He paused for a moment and then chuckled again. Going into the shop he exited carrying ten bunches. The rules had changed now Joey was in remission. After her second lot of Remission Induction Therapy, and a long 2 weeks they did a blood and bone marrow test and couldn't locate any leukaemia cells in her bone marrow. That didn't mean they weren't lurking there to resurface but it meant the treatment was working. The grin on his face grew. It was far from over but she was having a break from treatment before starting the horrific Consolidation Therapy.

Whistling a cheerful tune Pacey greeted Bessie with a massive hug outside the hospital.

'Over two months later and we finally get her out of this place,' Bessie grinned at the flowers.

'I thought I'd celebrate with daffodils!' he was a little sheepish. 'I mean a whole month with Joey out of this place is worth celebrating.'

'Or until they find a donor!'

'They will find a donor,' Pacey insisted.

'The doctor has spoken to you about the Consolidation Therapy?' Bessie asked gently.

'I know it's not pretty.'

'It's awful. On occasion patients die from the therapy and not the leukaemia.'

'Die?' his face blanched. 'But she's getting better. She's in remission. Nothing I read mentioned death.'

'I'm not trying to scare you we've got to remember to keep her from pushing it is all. With the cancer Joey has, with this therapy, remission doesn't mean she's better,' Bessie tried to explain, remembering her mom before the Consolidation Therapy and during it.

'But die?' he thought he'd read everything there was to read.

'Pace it's more chemo on an already weakened body. I mean chemo is so destructive. The transplants aren't easy.'

'I know Bess. But lets celebrate this. There'll be too much time to worry about the next step. We both need to enjoy this with Joey. We need to let her enjoy it,' Pacey looked at her as they pushed into the centre.

'You're right...Sorry,' she nodded and then grinned to see Joey sat in a wheelchair in the doorway of her room looking impatiently down the corridor.

'I'd say someone cant wait to leave us,' the nurse smiled.

'I'll be back,' Joey rolled her eyes at the nurse. She'd spent some time talking with them and had given them some chocolates and a card Pacey had picked up for her.

'Alright Arnie, lets get you out of here,' Pacey chuckled handing her the flowers.

'Someone's happy spring is here,' she arched a brow.

'You know...'

'Lets go, lets go,' her eyes flashed as Bessie took the handles of her wheelchair and Pacey retrieved her bag, most of the stuff she'd accumulated removed the day before. He smiled at the nurses, and they smiled back. He'd made a point of replacing the chair he damaged and had given them a card and gift.

'Bye Joey,' they chorused.

'Bye,' she called back and then she was out of the Centre, out of the hospital and into a car on her way to Capeside.

* * *

Joey stared out across the creek with a smile on her parted lips. She sometimes forgot how beautiful her hometown was. She'd spent so much energy and time trying to escape it, that in a way she never really appreciated it. Snuggling under her blanket on her cushioned Adirondack chair she couldn't help thinking about things. As always she thought about death. Now she was staring it in the face she understood it better, she wasn't as scared anymore. For the first time in her life she understood why her mom was so calm in those months before she passed. The thing that scared Joey, as she imagined it had her mom, was not death but leaving people behind. When Joey thought about dying she ached to be near Pacey, her family, her friends.

_I don't want to die_, she told herself again looking at the expanse of water before her. _I'm not ready._

She sighed and sipped at the tea Bodie had brought out a few minutes before. It was only luke-warm but she didn't mind. After thinking of death she inevitably turned to thoughts of life. _I'm young and I'm strong and I'm determined. I will beat this. If I'm determined enough then how can I die? I'd have to give up and I'm not going to_. She wasn't stupid, she knew her chances of survival weren't good. They all knew that by now - the Internet allowed for few secrets. Joey had always been a mind over matter person, but she feared that cancer wasn't a mind over matter disease. To that end she'd created a list of wants, one that she kept in a little booklet. It was meant to inspire her, to give her strength. The psychologist had suggested it but sometimes it felt like a bucket list she could never achieve. She glanced down at the list.

I want to finish Worthington.

I want to dance with Pacey again.

I want to make-love to him in every position and location.

I want to go sailing with Pacey.

I want to marry him.

I want to have his babies.

I want to have a dog and a house, no picket fence, no symbols just real happiness.

I want to fight with Pacey again, fight and have him want to win.

I want to be at some event and watch him out the corner of my eye as he charms and flirts and know that he's mine.

I want to visit the world with him.

I want be silly with him - laugh, joke, tease and make fools of ourselves.

I want to get drunk with him and the others.

I want to go to the roller rink again on a date.

I want to grow up, get wrinkles and get old.

I want to sit on my porch with Pacey at my side when I'm an old, old lady, watching the grandkids.

I want to have children.

I want to get a good job.

I want to write a book.

I want my to live my life with him.

Tears sprung to her eyes at the list. She didn't feel very inspired or very strong. She was hopelessly in love with Pacey. Her list made that clear. She knew cancer could be a long fight and it would be a dirty one. She wasn't sure she could do it without Pacey and yet she hated having to put him through it. "If you love someone, set them free." She often thought about releasing Pacey from the obligation of being with her but she thought the act alone might kill her. She was also pretty certain he wouldn't go anywhere. As certain as she was of her love for him, she was equally certain of his love of her. That made her list twice as painful.

'I want to live,' she whispered the words at the water unaware of the tears leaking from her eyes. 'God damn it all. I want to live!' she threw her mug into the creek where it landed with a splash. She grabbed her notebook and prepared to throw it as well but she just couldn't.

* * *

'Will you pick one already,' Jack scowled slumped in a chair next to Pacey. Jen and Joey were both in the changing room. All Joeys friends in Capeside had decided to organise a coming home party for her and the guest of honour was struggling to decide on an outfit. She would have put a kibosh on the whole plan had she not been having such a good time with Jen, Jack, Pacey and Grams staying at the Potter B&B.

'You try losing over two stone and finding an outfit that flatters,' Joeys sarcasm floated to the boys.

'You always look beautiful Jo,' Pacey told her.

'And you're always biased,' she complained as she appeared in a cream linen skirt that fell below her knees and a black t-shirt. Both hung on her loosely and unfortunately it was necessary for her to grasp the skirt with her hands to stop it falling down.

'We can get you a belt!' Jack suggested.

'You look beautiful Jo,' Pacey stood and kissed her.

'Well if it isn't the Scooby gang back from college,' they recognised the voice immediately. There was never any mistaking the distinct smoothness of Drue Valentine. 'But where's Fred?'

'Drue,' Jack grimaced. Pacey turned on the spot standing in front of Joey.

'Hey man,' Pacey nodded.

'Don't tell me you still hang around with these academic over achievers. I thought you had your sights set on prison,' there was no mistaking the mischief he was trying to cause.

'Clearly college hasn't changed you,' Jack acknowledged.

'Why mess with perfection?' Drue shrugged easily. 'So who's the girl stupid enough to take you on Pacey? It would be rude not to introduce us?' Drue had seen Pacey kiss a girl but not who. Reluctantly Pacey stepped aside and Joey shot Drue a sarcastic smile. He didn't immediately recognise her.

'Joey?' he stared at her. 'Fuck I'm sorry,' he felt like an idiot as his cockiness evaporated.

'Don't be sorry Drue, that would be messing with your unique perfection,' Joey gave him a small smile.

'Of all the girls I know I'd have credited you with more sense than to get with Pacey,' Drue shook his head the self-assured persona back.

'At one time I'd have agreed,' she laughed.

'You got a sense of humour,' Drue was clearly impressed.

'Cancer will do that to you. You laugh or you die,' she rolled her eyes.

'So Worthington is a no go?' he asked after a moment.

'Not at the moment. Pacey goes there though,' she looked to Pacey who was staring at her in horror along with Jack and Jen.

'You gotta be kidding me - you switched life paths with that guy,' he pointed at Pacey and laughed.

'No such thing as life paths,' Joey interrupted his cackle.

'Seriously Potter are you going to be ok?' the sincerity and affection were obvious.

'We'll see,' she shrugged easily. 'We're having a party though. To celebrate, well to celebrate not being in hospital at the moment.'

'Tomorrow night,' Jen supplied. 'At Leery Fresh Fish.'

'So the Leery is around?'

'He will be tomorrow,' Jen grinned, suddenly remembering what she liked about Drue. The way he tried to bullshit, but the more he tried the less he succeeded. He was actually one of the most genuine people she knew. People didn't normally react to Joey that way, with that ease and Jen, Pacey and Jack knew it.

'You're gonna come right? There'll be loads of people there?' Pacey put an arm around Joey.

'Sure,' Drue nodded.

* * *

The party was a huge success. Not only were her best friends there, but other friends from school and most of the Worthington and Boston U crew had made it down to Capeside. Dawson was there and Andie was back from Italy for good before starting her studies. Dawson and Pacey spent a long time talking which made Joey smile whilst she, Jen and Andie spent time catching up. It was strange to see Andie as Paceys new girlfriend but Andie, being Andie, put her at ease.

Joey spent most of the evening sat in a chair watching her friends and family, constantly surrounded by one group and then another. Though she laughed and talked and her eyes shone Joey had let a thought slip into her head. _They wouldn't all be here if they didn't think there was a chance I might die. If they didn't think this might be a last chance. They know there's a lot to celebrate but the battle is only half fought, not half won_. As if reading her melancholy, Pacey dropped into the seat beside her that had just been vacated by Monica.

'What are you thinking about miss?' he asked kissing her gently.

'Life, death, the wonder of you,' she smiled softly.

'I wanted to ask you something Potter,' he took her hand.

'Sure?' she kissed his neck quickly.

'Do you want to dance?'

'Yes,' she nodded and he helped her to her feet. As they moved onto the dance floor he held her tight, half holding her up as she rested her head against his chest. His hands lovingly traced her thin frame.

'This feels so right,' he murmured into her ear.

'It's one of my wants,' she whispered back.

'Your wants?' he looked down at her.

'I have a list of wants to remind me not to die.'

'You're not going to die.'

'I know, I decided not to.'

'I don't think death is a decision we get to make,' he told her sadly.

'You cant say things like that. I decided the other day that I want to live. And what are the Potters famous for?'

'Amazing good looks and sarcasm?'

'What else are the Potters famous for?'

'Stubbornness,' Pacey gave her a wry smile.

'Tha'ts right. And I plan to be so stubborn about this. I want all my wants to come true,' she stepped onto his feet so his energy and not hers drove them around the dance floor.

'Tell me more about these wants?' Pacey charmed but she just laughed and rested her head against him again.

'I'm just enjoying this one,' she told him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The third semester of college rolled around to soon. With reluctance Pacey packed his things from around Joey's room at the B&B whilst she lay sleeping. For a number of reasons she would be staying on at the B&B until her month of rest was up. A donor had been found and she would continue the next phase of treatment in two weeks. For Joey to stay in Capeside seemed right. The air was fresh and she needed a lot of looking after that Bessie wanted to do, it was a weird time and Bessie was scared she was losing her little sister. Pacey, harbouring similar fears to Bessie, hated to leave Joey behind but she was adamant that he return to Worthington and attend classes, and he knew how much it meant to her. It was only two weeks and he would visit on weekends. _It'll be ok. Nothing will happen to her because she's not in your near vicinity,_ he told himself as he looked at her indulgently. _But what if Bessie forgets her peppermint tea? Or worse still, Bodie puts pepper in the food and it makes her sick? _Grabbing a pen he began to scribble a list.

* * *

'Pacey,' Joey murmured stretching in the bed. She gave him a sultry look from her cocoon of covers.

'Morning gorgeous,' he grinned putting the mug of tea beside her bed.

'Come back in here with me,' she smiled endearingly and patted the space beside her.

'Train's leaving in an hour,' he told her reluctantly.

'Why didn't you wake me before?'

'You need your sleep. It's the best time to heal,' he explained with authority.

'Please come back in?' she widened her eyes beseechingly.

'No Joey, not even if you give me the eyes,' he told her firmly and then promptly took pity on them both and slid back under the covers next to her.

'You know when we have children you're going to have to stick to your word. You cant say no and then go and do it anyway,' she scolded softly snuggling into his chest. A low chuckle rose to his lips as he kissed her nose. 'What's so funny?'

'We're having children now, huh, Potter?' he breathed the words in her ear.

'Lots of them,' she confirmed.

'Is this part of your want list?'

'You could say that,' she bit her lower lip nervously. 'I mean you'd have to want that too, I'm thinking eventually.'

'Jo you're going to have the most beautiful kids and whatever path we may follow I hope that when you have them they're with me,' he kissed her softly.

'Charmer,' she teased.

'Over-analyser,' he bantered back.

'Deserter,' she pulled his body flush with hers.

'I'll stay,' he pleaded.

'No you go,' she decided.

'Fickle mistress,' he cooed into the soft skin of her throat.

* * *

'So Pacey and you seem pretty close,' Bessie appraised her sister carefully. They were sat together on the porch, Joey over covered in blankets, whilst Bodie fed the B&B guests breakfast. Joey clutched a mug of tea in her hand.

'When we were fifteen everything he did annoyed me,' Joey frowned at the memory.

'It's called sexual tension,' Bessie explained.

'At fifteen?' Joey was sceptical.

'Yeah at fifteen. He used to pick on you because he couldn't very well go and flirt with you, I mean Dawson would have eviscerated him.'

'True, anyway it feels like this is how it should always have been. He makes me feel so alive,' Joey grinned slightly at her choice of word. Her sister smiled back.

'Cant get too much of that at the moment,' she winked.

'I get scared that something might go wrong between us, you know when I think realistically,' Joey looked into the dark liquid in her mug.

'That boy worships you. He's not going anywhere,' Bessie determined.

'Not at the moment. But we're only young. I'm still only eighteen -hopefully there's our whole lives ahead of us. I get scared we might drift apart.'

'Drifting apart doesn't mean you wont come together again. And being eighteen doesn't mean you will drift apart.'

'You are wise my sister,' Joey teased liking the comfort Bessies words brought.

'So you have done it right?' Bessie leant forward conspiratorially.

'Bessie,' Joey flushed red.

'Because Bodie and I were arguing it. He thinks no and I think yes. You look close, you know in that way,' Bessie continued. 'I just want to make sure my little sister is ok?'

'I'm fine,' Joey attempted.

'Come on spill.'

'Fine, yes, very nice, fabulous.'

'I knew it. Bodie still thinks youre fifteen years old I swear. So when?'

'After the Christmas vacation.'

'And since you've been sick?' Bessie wasn't probing, more concerned.

'A few times. Whats with the inquisition Bess?'

'Just want to remind you to be careful,' Bessie sighed. 'If you got pregnant...'

'Ahhh Bess you're sweet to worry but firstly we're always careful, secondly I'm no longer having periods because of the chemo, and thirdly I might never be able to fall pregnant let alone now.'

'Joey dont say things like that,' Bessie turned to her horrified.

'I'm not being negative, I'm just being realistic. Mr Singe talked to me about it all in detail. I may be fine and I may not. I'm going to beat the cancer but I cant necessarily fix the things damaged by it.'

Bessie wanted to answer but her jaw just gaped slightly as something like disappointment and sorrow rushed through her. She was saved from responding as the family staying, now fed and watered, blundered through the doors. The couple looked at the two sisters and smiled kindly and then with sympathy.

'Thanks for a wonderful stay,' they cheered to Bessie avoiding Joeys eyes, unsure what to say. Joey was used to it and simply sipped at her tea.

* * *

'It's so amazing to be back,' Joey perched on the edge of her desk looking out of her dorm room window for the first time in three months. 'Spring has sprung,' she sighed slightly.

'It's lonely,' Pacey sighed as well.

'Yeah?' she looked at him with affection.

'I have to admit I've been staying at Grams a lot,' Pacey told her sitting beside her.

'She is an attractive lady,' Joey nodded. 'I cant blame you seeking her company.'

'Not for Grams you doofus,' Pacey tapped her hand gently.

'Jen is very cute and Jack has a very cute butt,' Joey continued.

'Because I don't like being here without you baby,' he reached an arm around her to pull her close.

'Ahhh, now that is a good reason,' she grinned. 'Though tomorrow I wont be here any more.'

'Tomorrow is to soon...the thing is, well I was thinking Jo...'

'What were you thinking Pace?'

'I was talking to Grams and she said that I could take the spare room there.'

'What about this place?' Joey looked at him surprised.

'This place, well I've never been living here officially and you, well...' he trailed off.

'I wont be back before the end of the year?' Joey supplied.

'Unfortunately, so it would save you some money,' Pacey took her hand and squeezed it.

'I think that's a great idea. I'm sure they'll give me a room back next year,' Joey looked at her feet surprised by the prick of tears at her eyes. It would be weird to not be living with Pacey but she could understand why he was suggesting it.

'No, no Joey that's not what I meant. The room at Grams would be for you and me. For both of us, then when you're out of hospital there'll be someone there with you when we're at classes. Grams really liked the idea.'

'Really?' Joey finally looked him in the eye.

'Why are you so surprised? Things have changed a lot from when we were little. Grams is as sweet as pie. She really respects you and Bessie now, you know that.'

'I'm surprised because she still thinks I destroyed her prized heir loom and didn't apologise thanks to Jen,' she rolled her eyes.

'So would you be up for that?' he waited on bated breath.

'Sure I would,' she nodded. 'But I'm still having sex before marriage with you.'

'We're getting married now?' he asked his blue eyes twinkling.

'You know what I mean,' she flushed as he scooped her off the desk and into his arms and headed to the bed.

'I'm not sure I do know what you mean. Sex before marriage, eh? Hows that work again? Maybe you could clear it up for me...' he murmured.

'You want a little lesson?' she smirked at him.

'Hmmm yeah I think I do,' Pacey laughed as they fell onto the bed together. Joey didn't say more, she kissed him long and hard and with a very definite conclusion in mind.

* * *

Pacey peered around the door of the children's cancer ward at Boston General. There were several wards but he was visiting the one for long stay patients like Joey. There were four kids there at a time, kept together to keep each other company, he assumed. He spied a nurse he recognized and waved. She gestured for him to come in.

'Pacey hello, is Joey back upstairs?' she asked.

'I've just dropped her off. I needed something and I thought these guys might be able to help me with.'

'Again?' the nurse gave him a grin. Pacey had visited the childrens cancer ward frequently when Joey was last in the hospital.

'We had a little incident with Poop,' Pacey admitted.

'We've got a new boy Max, after Sam passed away,' she looked down as did Pacey for a moment, remembering the little boys funeral. 'They'll be pleased to see you,' she nodded and so Pacey strolled down the ward.

'Hey guys check out who's back?' he grinned and pointed at himself. The children stopped talking and looked at him with smiles and a few blushes.

'Pacey, where you been?' a little boy Ahmed queried.

'I'm sorry dude I didn't mean to disappear, Joey got out for a while and we were away and things have been busy with school.'

'They sound like excuses,' a little girl in the next bed over grinned.

'My little Hannah Banana what accusations,' Pacey fell to his knees as though wounded. 'Fair children of the Boston General Childrens Cancer Ward. I beg forgiveness of you all, please grant me permission to visit and keep visiting.'

'Ok,' it was a chorus mixed with giggles.

'You must be Max?' Pacey looked at the small boy.

'Yep,' he grinned.

'Well nice to meet you Max. Now I'm forgiven I come to ask a favour,' he bowed.

'What do you want?' Ahmed sighed exaggeratedly.

'I bring things to exchange,' he explained sitting on the end of Hannah's bed. 'You guys told Max how this works right?'

'Course we did. What do you need?' Allie reiterated Ahmed's question.

'I.. um...I need another bear,' Pacey winced.

'What happened to Poop?' Hannah challenged.

'You said you were going to look after him,' Ahmed frowned.

'Well there...there was an incident.'

'What if there's another incident?' Hannah asked.

'What kind of incident?' Allie persisted.

'An incident with vomit,' Pacey nodded sagely.

'Eeeewww gross,' Max hit his covers whilst the others made faces.

'I was sick on Albert,' Hannah patted Paceys hand comfortingly.

'Albert's the nurse,' Ahmed giggled.

'We washed Poop but Joey cant look at him the same way. He's been demoted to the end of the bed. I think she needs closer company than that,' Pacey explained.

'What are you trading?' Allies interest was tweaked.

'I've got Operation, and when I was back in Capeside with my parents I found my old cars,' he jumped off Hannah's bed and put an array of cars on the floor between the beds. 'I also found this old doll of Joey's that she thought she'd successfully hidden, and my star trade - my much treasured remote control car!'

'Wow cool,' Ahmed's eyes shone.

'I'll give you my rabbit for the remote control car,' Max offered quickly.

'Come on guys, I thought you told Max my rules?' Pacey looked at them all grinning.

'One of us gives up a possession we don't mind giving up and then we share,' Hannah grumbled eyeing up the doll.

'Very good Hannah Banana,' Pacey ruffled her hair. 'So what are my offers?' The children all waved things in the air. 'Ahmed you love that bear so put it down, same with you and that rabbit Max, I can tell you've had it for about what six years?' Pacey grinned at them and they grinned back.

'Take my bear Pacey,' Allie told him firmly. 'A girl from school brought him in and I've got loads.'

'That's true,' Pacey eyed her menagerie.

'Then we can all share,' Allie looked at Hannah who nodded.

'Very well agreed,' Pacey bowed and walking to Allies bed shook her hand.

'Thanks Allie,' the others told her and she smiled shyly.

'The bear is called Petal. That's important to tell Joey,' Allie handed the bear over.

'If you ever want to visit her, come on up,' Pacey took the soft brown teddy bear.

'What's the doll called?' Hannah asked.

'Very important - her name is Ugly, wuggly, icky girlie dolly makes me want to pukey,' Pacey told them seriously making them laugh.

'Joey's name for her not yours,' Hannah protested.

'Aaah, the rather more boring Audrey,' Pacey wrinkled his nose.

'Why Audrey?' Max asked.

'After the marvellous Audrey Hepburn,' Pacey looked at them horrified.

'Who's that?' Max scowled.

'The woman Pacey says Joey looks like,' Allie smiled.

'That's right,' Pacey sat on the edge of Hannahs bed and began to detail the wonderful ways of Audrey Hepburn and of course Joey.

* * *

'And where have you been?' Joey queried sternly eyeing the bear Pacey was clutching. 'As if I need to ask.'

'I was delayed a little,' he explained sheepishly.

'I bet you fought real hard to get away,' she teased.

'Don't knock a gift horse in the mouth,' he held up the bear.

'Which one did you rob for this?' she laughed.

'Allie,' he admitted.

'And?'

'She and Hannah love Audrey,' Pacey looked at her innocently.

'And? '

'The bear's called Petal,' he revealed.

'Pacey,' she hugged him.

'I told them I'd take you down so you could read them a story - they're desperate to see you,' he snuggled up to her on the bed. 'The new boy Max wants to meet you.'

'You're pathetic Witter, a weak man,' she kissed the top of his head.

'We'll take the Little Mermaid,' he suggested eagerly.

'I love you Pace,' she had to say it. He meant so much to her.

'I love you to Jo. I have always, always loved you.'

* * *

The tears in Joeys eyes were blurring her vision as she was sick for the fiftieth time that day. Her throat felt bloody and sore, and her mouth ached. Her stomach felt stretched and every bone in her body seemed to be screaming. The chemo had begun to prepare her for the bone marrow transplant and she was sicker than she had been with either of the Remission Induction therapies. She clawed helplessly at the sheets as her stomach retched again. With fatigue had come the tears that rolled endlessly from her eyes. Jack, Jen and Monica had turned up to visit but they knew they should leave after one minute in the room, as Joey thumped at her head to try and knock the pulsing pain out of it. With infinite patience Pacey and Bessie had tended to her for the entire day and both were exhausted.

'It's ok Jo, we're going to be through this soon,' Pacey whispered putting a cold flannel onto her head.

'Go, you should go, both of you go,' she pleaded for the millionth time.

'We're not going anywhere sis,' Bessie assured her and Joey's tears increased.

'Go, go, please,' she whimpered moaning at the pain and nausea gripping her again, she seems worse than she had even minutes before. She'd turned deathly pale and her skin was clammy.

'Something's not right,' Pacey shook his head in fear.

'Get the nurse,' Bessie nodded even though the nurse had popped through every half hour.

* * *

The nurse looked over Joey, taking her pulse, temperature and blood pressure. Checking her Hickman line she tutted to herself.

'Whats wrong?' Pacey had turned pale.

'She's burning up, I think her line might be infected, or the drugs...' the nurse was at the phone a moment later paging the doctor.

'Is that why she's so sick?' Bessie's face mirrored Pacey's.

'That's the chemo. Joey's type of Leukaemia is rare.'

'I know that,' Bessie snapped.

'It's the drugs and it's not being helped by the infection. We need to get that cleared for the transplant to be viable.'

* * *

'For fucks sake,' Pacey strode down the corridor again.

'Pace,' Bessie beseeched him.

'I want to see her,' he growled.

'Maybe seeing her isn't what's best for her. The nurses and doctor are in with her,' Bessie soothed.

'But what if something has gone badly wrong? What if she needs me? What if this is the end?' his voice was hollow.

'Pace, Joey's in remission, that means no cancer there that they can detect. This is to make it stay that way.'

'You said she could die,' Pacey accused harshly.

'That's true,' Bessie felt tears sting her eyes, 'but Joey's not going to quit.'

'And I need to remind her why not,' Pacey hit his head in frustration.

'You'll get the chance.'

* * *

Joey seemed calmer when Pacey was finally allowed to reenter the room. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was shallow, horribly shallow, as she dreamed. Her face tensed every now and then but the sickness had been dealt with. Mr Singe said they'd given her a strong anti-nausea drug which would allow her to sleep, as well as something for her head. The doctor and nurses had spent a good two hours with her and Pacey was pleased to see that she looked more comfortable. What scared him was the deathly hue of her skin, the dark bags under her eyes, the fact that she was so thin her bones jutted uncomfortably out of her skin.

'Hey baby,' he whispered through the surgical mask Mr Singe had given him, holding her hand gently. 'How's my girl? I hope you're doing better,' he let the tears that had pooled in his eyes roll down his face. 'I just wanted to remind you of a few things and they took pity on me and let me in here. Firstly, I love you, please remember that. I don't care that you got sick. I love you and the one thing you can rely on with Joey Potter is that she'll always be herself, the self that Pacey Witter will always love.

Jo spending these last few months as your boyfriend has made them the best months of my life and I want to be with you always. I want you to remember all your wants. Dream about our children, imagine our wedding day. Think about the first date you want me to take you on when you're out of here. Think about where we'll go on vacation, imagine the blue skies above you as we sail the seas together. Try and imagine me as an old man and don't laugh because you'll be there as an old woman. Dream about your life and remember all the things you want that only life can give. Don't give up Jo, because I need you and I want all those things so bad.'

'Don't cry Pace,' the words were barely there on her lips. 'I wont give up.'


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

'Drink this,' Grams put the mug of hot chocolate in front of Pacey returning to the stove to finish pouring one for herself, Jen and Jack.

'There was a time when I got the first hot chocolate,' Jack bemoaned.

'And a long, long time ago, before you boys were around, I actually got the first hot chocolate,' Jen winked at them both.

'Oh you children,' Grams sighed. 'You'd think the time had arrived when you would be getting me the first hot chocolate,' she sat down at the table with them having distributed the mugs.

'Fair point,' Jack acknowledged as Jen squeezed Grams hand.

'So tell us Pacey,' Jen looked at the serious boy sat opposite her.

'She... well if the infection clears up she can finally have the transplants. She's still in isolation...' Pacey trailed off.

'But how is she doing?' Jack emphasised the words.

'Today was slow, if she doesn't pick up by morning she'll have to wait for the transplant until she's well enough for another course of chemo.'

'Which means?' Jen had paled.

'Which means if it's too long, the Leukaemia might come back and then she has to go through the remission induction therapy again. The whole process begins again.'

'Oh,' Jack looked at his hands. 'But she'll be alright?' he finally looked at Pacey who could only manage a small shrug.

'They don't know anymore.'

'I'll pray for her,' Grams told them.

'I think what we need to do is remind her to keep fighting,' Pacey sighed. 'But I don't know how anymore. We cant even go into the room with her.'

'There are ways to do these things,' Jen insisted.

'Another mini-disc of music is a great reminder,' Jack suggested.

'We could write her letters?' Jen put in.

'Paint her a picture,' Grams put in.

'And lack of artistic ability?' Pacey queried in a very quiet voice.

'I doubt the girl would care,' Grams put her hand on his.

'Come on Pacey, it's worth a try,' Jack shrugged.

'Everything is worth trying,' he nodded and then yawned. 'I think I'll hit the sack so I can get to the hospital early.'

'Night Pace,' the random voices told his perturbed head.

* * *

Pacey reached the kitchen where he planned to grab a coffee. Boiling water and retrieving a mug from the cupboard he didn't immediately notice the three exhausted people sat at the table.

'Woah, hey you guys what are you doing up so early?' he retrieved another three mugs.

'We've been up all night Pacey,' Grams informed him as Jen's head slumped on her arms.

'But we are very, very pleased with ourselves,' Jen mumbled grinning.

'That we are,' Jack yawned and welcomed the coffee Pacey put in front of him.

'Dare I ask why?' Pacey smiled slightly.

'We've been busy,' Jen grinned perking up as the caffeine hit her.

'First off, we've got Joey three new discs of music courtesy of me and Jen a little,' Jack put the discs on the table.

'Joey's not really into Divas and show tunes,' Pacey gave him a blank look and then grinned.

'Ha ha. I think she'll very much enjoy those discs - one is our teenage years, one is fifties fun and the last one is some rocking blues music.'

'Thanks you guys,' Pacey pocketed the discs.

'We're not done - we have these and we promise they're full of fun and frolicking,' Jen passed him three letters. 'We figured she could read them or you could read them to her over the intercom, I know the doctors want her to rest but we figured a little stimulation now and then,' Jen shrugged.

'And finally my contribution,' Grams didn't seem at all phased by a night without sleep. Carefully she put a photo album on the table.

'What's this?' Pacey asked softly.

'I've seen you children grow up Pacey and don't you forget it. I simply decided to put together the photographs I've taken through the years, with a few additions from Jack and Jennifer,' she pushed the album to Pacey who opened it to see himself in the Leerys garden torturing Joey by pulling on her plait. Tears sprung to his eyes.

'That's beautiful,' he closed the album looking no further, 'but I'd kind of like to look at it with her.'

'I understand,' Grams nodded.

'Thanks you guys,' Pacey brushed an arm across his eyes quickly. 'You really are the best.'

* * *

Pacey looked through the window into Joey's contaminant free special room. It was a different room that was specially equipped to deal with her new needs. She was sleeping but the nurse had opened the blinds for him so he could watch her. Head pressed to the glass he did so.

Lying in her bed, her head was turned slightly to the window as if she was aware somehow that he was there. They hadn't put a scarf on her but he barely noticed her head devoid of the silky mocha tresses he so loved. She was so thin it made him wince at times to watch her move. Joey was a tall girl but watching her through the thick glass she seemed to be more like a child. Pacey's heart ached at the painful way her chest rose and fell as if each breath she took was a bigger effort than the last. _Breathe, Breathe_, he didn't realise the silent mantra of his mind as he watched her.

He knew when she awoke even though her eyes were still closed. There was a subtle deepening of her breath and she shifted slightly, so that when her eyes finally did open she was looking right at him. A smile broke across her face and she lifted a hand to wave but it dropped back to the bed before it's mission was completed. Pacey grinned and blew her a kiss. She looked at him longingly and chuckling he clicked on the intercom.

'Hey baby,' he whispered and watched as she blinked a response to tired to mouth it. 'I've got some mini-discs for you - Jack recorded them. I told him you weren't into show tunes but he just scowled, you know in that Jackers way. I know, I know he's not into show tunes, I just couldn't resist the joke, you know?' he watched her smile.

'Seriously, Jen helped him and I've got letters from them to read you. They wanted to visit but Mr Singe is only allowing family and me. I tried to pull the whole "they're your family" thing but he wasn't buying it. Apparently you and Jen don't look alike enough to pass for cousins,' he shrugged as he watched her smile grow.

'I know to think that one day little Joey Potter would be thankful to pass as cousins with Jen Lindley, the girl who momentarily stole her soul mate,' Pacey watched her expression change as she frowned.

'Are you trying to protest missy? Is it the phrase Little Joey Potter?' she made a slight shake of her head at his question. 'You wouldn't want to pass as cousins with Jen?' he queried and she frowned. 'Would it be the soul mates thing?' he asked and she nodded. 'Little Joey Potter wants to try and convince me, Pacey Witter, witness to the whole Joey and Dawson saga that occupied most of our youth, that you don't think he's your soul mate?' he asked sceptically and she nodded again.

'Parfouey Potter,' he told her and she raised her eyebrows. 'Don't you take that tone with me Potter. Parfouey is a perfectly reasonable choice of word and not one to make fun of - it means stuff and nonsense,' he waggled a finger at her through the glass and she made a biting gesture.

'Was that a bite me?' his voice crackled. 'You shouldn't tempt me girl!' he watched her roll her eyes with a chuckle.

'Let me tell you something Potter. I do think Dawson is your soul mate. At a time it would have terrified me to admit it, but now I'm not so scared,' he looked at her and saw her scowl and scrunch her blankets with her fist. 'Are you going to keep interrupting my monologue here Jo?' he asked and she relaxed as if in defeat.

'As I was saying, being soul mates doesn't mean you should be together. You and Dawson were so close growing up and maybe he knew you better than anyone and you him. That's nice but it's not everything. You see I plan on being the soul mate of your future, only there's a couple of provisos,' he looked at her brows arched in question.

'Firstly, I don't think it's possible to know you completely and nor would I want to. I love that you surprise me in so many weird and wonderful ways, and secondly, I don't want to be soul mates like you and Dawson. What's between you is eternally innocent and I don't ever want what's between us to be innocent,' he gave her a wink through the glass and she shot him a crooked smile. 'I knew you'd agree. What I'm trying to say here is I'm happy for you to have both Dawson and I, but you must remember I'm not the same type of soul mate as him. I'm better,' he added the later cockily and saw her eyes roll again.

'I know, I know, you love me? And how could you not, I am so very loveable. You know they should have had a year book poll back in high school detailing most lovable. I could have also won sexiest ass if they'd been a little more daring with their categories. Now don't give me those eyes, I know I said you have the perfect ass and I stand by my words. You'd have won the women's category,' he watched her smile and got greedy for more.

'What's that?' he pretended to listen. 'You want to see my ass? Well sure honey, you only ever have to ask,' he turned and stuck his khaki pant clad butt against the window. When he turned back she was laughing softly.

'Lord woman are you never satisfied? If you insist,' he turned around and looking up the hall and unbuttoned his pants lowering them and his boxers to show her his firm bare ass. When he turned back she was still laughing but there was a hint of something else in her eyes.

'Don't ask me that Jo,' he shook his head at her and she frowned slightly. 'I know that look well enough and I cant come in there and take delectable advantage of you so don't ask, seriously Joey,' he looked at her sternly as her eyelids lowered seductively. 'Ok, I'm off to the bathroom and not because I need the toilet. Think about what I might be doing,' he gave her a smug smile. 'I love you.' She mouthed the words. I love you back, he blew her a kiss which she caught by opening her hand and shutting it weakly. She blew him a gentle kiss and he threw himself to the floor. When he looked back through the window she was laughing again. He waved and watched as her eyes slipped shut.

* * *

_Pick up, pick up_, Pacey tapped his foot on the floor impatiently, the hospital pay phone held to his ear by his chin as he juggled spare change impatiently.

'Pacey?' Jen somehow knew it was him.

'Infection's clear and the transplant is going ahead tomorrow,' he almost laughed at the words.

'That's so great! But why tomorrow?' she asked but then passed the information to Jack and Grams.

'She's a little shallow in her breathing, and stuff... they didn't give loads of detail, something about her drugs that I think they made over complicated on purpose. Basically, they want her to get her strength up,' he explained.

'That's such good news. Can we visit then?' Jen sounded brighter than she had for days.

'Hopefully. Mr Singe said she'd be gone all day tomorrow and then maybe the day after but more realistically not until Thursday.'

'Dammit,' Jen cursed.

'This is good,' Pacey enforced.

'Yeah I know. I just want to see her. You know confirm for myself that she's ok.'

'She's listening to Jack's teenage years mini-disc right now and she's smiling.'

'That's something,' Jen grinned.

'She loved the letters. They were perfect,' Pacey acknowledged. The three letters had been clever. They'd told Joey the writer cared but mixed in little humorous stories, anecdotes and memories. Pacey didn't want to tell Jen that they had all made Joey cry because he figured it would upset his friend.

'They made her cry huh?' Jen mused wryly.

'How did you know?'

'I think if I were stuck where she is hearing about you guys living, enjoying, thinking about the past with the certainty that you had a future, I think it would make me cry. It would also make me damned determined to be there with you,' she sighed.

'Oh she'll be there,' Pacey said firmly.

* * *

'You said I could see her today?' Pacey didn't like whining at Mr Singe, a man he thoroughly respected, but when a man he thoroughly respected was keeping him from Joey it was an entirely different story.

'Pacey let me say this again. The transplant went ok but not great. You know how sick she was before and she is worse now,' Mr Singe spoke gently but was apparently firm.

'But if she's worse I need to be there for her,' Pacey felt the tears prick his eyes and knew there was no stopping them.

'The best thing you can do for her at the moment is go sit in the waiting room with her sister, or better still go home and get some rest.'

'Leave? You want me to leave?' Pacey was incredulous.

'We need to look after her. I need to look after her and unfortunately that means you need to look after yourself,' the doctor gently patted his arm.

'Is she going to die?' his voice cracked as the tears hovered uneasily in his eyes.

'Pacey,' Mr Singe looked at him.

'Is she going to die?' a tear escaped.

'I cant answer that,' Mr Singe found this part of his work the hardest.

'Why not?' Pacey could scarcely ask the question.

'Because at this point I don't know.'

* * *

Pacey sat in the waiting room alone. Bessie had gone home to sleep, incapable of spending any more time in that room. She was scared and she needed Bodie to help take the strain and so he had driven to Boston. Pacey was jealous. He didn't have Joey to help him through this. He hadn't been home in three days. He knew he was beginning to smell less than Pacey like and that his clothes were dirty but he couldn't leave, he felt sure if he left then so would she. He barely touched the food that Bessie or the nurses brought him, and couldn't speak to Jen and Jack when they turned up. All he could do was silently recite his new mantra, _please don't let Joey die_. He didn't even notice the door swing open.

'Hello little brother,' Doug and Gretchen stood in the doorway and as Pacey turned to look at them something inside snapped. As they stepped into the room Pacey was in their arms and sobbing more than he ever had in his life.

'It's ok Pace,' Gretchen rubbed his shoulder.

'We're here now,' Doug put a hand in his younger brothers hair. The only response they got was an increase to the heartbreaking tears.

* * *

'You feel better?' Gretchen queried. The staff had allowed Pacey to shower and Doug had fetched him some clothes. They'd finally convinced him to head to the hospital canteen with them and the tears had gone but the vacant expression remained.

'A little.'

'You should have told us how serious this had got,' Doug admonished. 'Of course we knew she was sick but...'

'You didn't realise she might die?' Pacey asked sardonically.

'No,' Doug shook his head. 'We didn't.'

'I love her,' Pacey told them simply.

'We know you do little brother. You've always loved her,' Gretchen smiled.

'I remember you telling me about this girl that gave you butterflies.'

'The girl that still gives me butterflies,' Pacey found a low chuckle in his throat as he remembered his prison cell talk with Doug.

'I remember thinking you were going to make a career of being in proximity to that girl,' Gretchen smiled.

'I did. A good career of it.'

'Though how my under-achieving sibling ended up at Worthington!' Doug shook his head.

'I'll have you know I'm placed third in my specialist classes,' Pacey took the teasing as it was intended.

'Out of how many students? Three?' Gretchen asked softly.

'Ha ha.'

'Seriously, with everything thats been going on that's amazing,' Doug gave him an approving pat on the back.

'Waiting gives a lot of time to study, well with Joey cracking the whip it does. She helps me or she did,' his eyes clouded over again.

'You're making her proud. Making us all proud, even dad,' Doug told him.

'I doubt that dad will ever be proud. And that's the thing about Joey. I don't need to achieve at Worthington for her to be proud. She wants me to keep it up because I was enjoying it so much. I want to keep it up because in a way if I get through it, it's like she did,' Pacey looked at his scarcely touched plate of food.

'Joey's going to get better and go to Worthington,' Gretchen put her hand on his.

'Except she might die.'

'You told me she'd made up her mind. Joey is the most stubborn girl I know,' Doug shook his head.

'The Potters and their stubborn streak,' Pacey smiled.

'Does her father know?' Doug asked after a beat.

'Ummm no,' Pacey admitted. 'Bessie was going to tell him but things...well the words...'

'Does she want him told?' Doug persisted gently.

'I think so.'

'I'll do it.'

'You'd do that Dougie?' Pacey looked at him wide eyed.

'Do you have to ask? Of course I would.' Doug waited a moment, 'Do you remember back when Joey's dad got arrested?' Pacey and Gretchen looked at him.

'How could I forget it?' Pacey arched his brows.

'That girl was so stubborn. Her dad had put her life in danger. He'd put his life in danger. Their livelihood was gone and he'd betrayed her. He'd betrayed their family and everything those girls had so stubbornly worked for. That girl stood in a room with dad and refused to betray her father back. Stubborn as an ass. The only reason she did what she did was to protect him. Dawson gave her no way out and then so did dad, but she wouldn't have budged otherwise - stubborn.'

'Like how stubborn she was working at the marina for that sleaze of a boss?' Pacey smiled.

'The girl is stubbornness personified. She'll be ok,' Doug reassured him.

* * *

Pacey took Joey's fragile hand in his.

'How's my gorgeous girl?' he murmured softly. 'Doc Singe says you've made a turn and well things don't seem so good,' he hated the mask between his words and her. 'He let me in here because...because...I didn't want you to go die on me.' His gut contracted painfully and the tears ran down his face unnoticed. 'Josephine Potter I'm telling you that I want you here. Don't die because if you do, you leave me all alone and and I don't want my life without you.' As her eyelids flickered he trailed off.

'You are the single most important thing to me Joey and well how can I say goodbye to that? You know the docs told me you're probably not going to make it through the night?' he laughed bitterly through the tears. 'That's what he says. He the medical expert has given up and where does that leave the rest of us? You see, we know you. Joey Potter wouldn't let cancer kill her. She's the most determined, stubborn, beautiful, amazing, intriguing woman ever dreamed up and to then exist and she's meant to be here on earth. So I haven't come to say goodbye to you Joey because that would be me admitting defeat. Throughout this entire battle you've not admitted defeat and I cant betray you to do that.

There's a lot of people lurking around this hospital. Bessie, Bodie and Alexander. Dawson and his folks. Even my parents, Dougie and Gretchen. Your dad - admittedly he has two prison guards as well. Jen, Jack, Grams, Monica - even Drue Valentine is hovering. They think they're here to say goodbye as your spirit leaves this earth but I've got news for them. You, Josephine Potter, are going no where. You hear me my girl?' he squeezed her hand.

'Come back to me Jo. Don't die. Don't let this be it. Come back to me , get better live long, live strong. I need to fight with my girl, make love to her, flirt with her, dance with her, adore her. I need to marry you Jo - who else would ever do? You die now and I'm never going to make a woman happy again, come on Jo. These genes deserve to be passed on - you know it? You told me you had a list of wants. Want all those things now more than you've wanted anything. Even if that means one day you wont want me. Want with all your might and fight to stay alive. You can do it Jo. The cancer is gone now Jo, you're fighting an invisible enemy. The enemy is your body. So stop fighting it and start working with it. Come on Jo. I refuse to say goodbye to you. If you die you go without my blessing but you will go with every ounce of my love.'

* * *

The waiting was agonising but the various bodies around the waiting room would rather wait than have the situation end in the way it seemed it was so likely to and not be there. Mr Singe had allowed Bessie to visit her sister and then Pacey. Nobody else was given permission and their farewells were restricted to their thoughts within her proximity.

Pacey sat on a chair in the corner. His head was bent with his fists bunched into his eye sockets. He'd wait forever and would do so happily because for as long as they waited his girl was breathing and for as long as she breathed there was hope.

* * *

Pacey stayed completely still as Mr Singe left the room, his head bowed into his hands, his body and mind frozen. It was early in the morning and only he, Bessie, Bodie, Jen, Jack and Dawson were there. The sound of their voices and tears angered him but he wasn't sure why. He desperately wanted to be alone and yet he couldn't propel himself to move. He didn't want to look at them all and he didn't want to talk to them. It was as if they knew, for they didn't disturb him as their dazed tears fell on their soft cheeks. Finally something inside him snapped and he stood and walked straight out the door.

* * *

Pacey looked at Joey lying still and peaceful on the bed. His beautiful girl, the love of his life, the epicentre to his universe. She was so beautiful she took his breath away again and again. His knees almost gave way and he shakily found his way into the chair beside her bed, for several minutes just watching her.

'Morning gorgeous,' he whispered through tears taking her hand into his. Her small frail hand that his own large hand engulfed.

'Mmmmmm Pacey,' her voice was faint but she cranked an eye open with considerable effort.

'I missed you,' he wanted to kiss her but instead lay his head on her stomach. He felt her hands in his hair, soothing.

'I came back for you,' she whispered.

'Thank you,' was all he could manage to say as his tears soaked the sheets.


	16. Chapter 16

**This chapter is a little awkward, intentionally so. Thank you to those who are reviewing - I truly appreciate it. **

**Chapter 16**

'Joey's coming home today! Joey's coming home today!' Pacey whistled a merry tune as he basked in the summer sunshine. After things turned for the better there was no holding Joey back. She was determined to enjoy some summer sunshine away from the hospital grounds. She was determined to spend time with Pacey sailing. And with each day that passed her breathing was a little stronger, her face had a little more colour and her eyes shone in that unique Joey way. It had been a long few months, and no mistaking but Pacey was so happy that she seemed to be finally beating the disease. It had been hard to watch her struggle, to see her in pain, but with each set back she pushed forward with more force. She was sparky again, bantering with him on well run paths. Pacey did a silly walk of glee making his brother laugh.

'And you accuse me of being feminine,' Doug laughed.

'Aaaah shush yourself you closet case,' he gave Doug a hug.

'Has anyone told you that the happier you are the more of a pain in the ass you become?'

'You know you and Joey have a lot in common,' Pacey grinned. "If you weren't gay...'

'I'm not gay,' Doug yelled.

'And you don't fancy Jack in the slightest,' Pacey agreed grinning.

* * *

'Hello my most gorgeous girl,' Pacey grinned in at Joey. She was dressed in the skirt and t-shirt she'd got for the party they'd had in Capeside. She'd managed to tie a black headscarf around her head and she'd put on a simple necklace. 'How's my beautiful, sexy girl?' Pacey looked her over with pleasure.

'Great,' she pushed herself off the bed with some effort and wrapped her arms around him.

'Hmmmm yes you are,' he put his lips to the soft skin at her throat.

'Pacey,' she breathed arching her neck to give him better access.

'Hmmm?' he met her eyes with the most innocent look he could manage. He was surprised to see her looking at him with a sinfully seductive smile.

'Josephine Potter!' he feigned shock.

'What's the matter Witter?' she purred taking his hand and leading him to the bathroom. As she shut the door behind them he pressed her to the door, allowing his body to respond to hers and the intention in her eyes.

'What's the matter is the need I have to fuck you right now,' he murmured into her ear.

'That was the matter with you yesterday,' she cooed.

'I'm pretty sure it'll be the matter tomorrow as well,' he acknowledged as his hands slipped under her shirt making her gasp softly and pull him nearer.

'Should I worry?' she moaned as his hands cupped her breasts his breath hot on the slope of her neck.

'I've had this problem since we were sixteen- I think it's a life long condition,' he pressed himself against her so she could feel the hardness of his life long affliction.

'But I thought the problem comes and goes?' she arched a brow at him as his hands pushed their way under her skirt until his fingers traced the tops of her panties.

'Oh it definitely comes,' he nodded slipping his fingers into the warmth of her underwear playing with the soft wetness he found there.

'Oh god,' she moaned and he moved her to the edge of the bath knowing she was still too weak to stand floor long.

'My name is Pacey,' he growled and tugged her underwear down overcome with the irrational desire that consumed him whenever he was around her.

'Pacey,' she pleaded and then gripped onto the bars around the bath as he buried his head between her legs tasting her.

'You're delicious,' he breathed warm air onto the sensitive area his tongue had been caressing as he slid a finger into her, watching the pleasure show on her face. 'I want you to do something for me, but don't think I'm being perverted.'

'I always think you're being perverted and I really don't care. You want to try something new, try it,' she gave him one of those looks that nearly made him come on the spot.

'So you, trust me?' he asked and she nodded writhing against his hand.

'Kneel on the floor and rest against the bath with your back to me,' he helped her do as he said kissing her lips until they were swollen. Pushing down his jeans and boxers he pulled a condom from his wallet and put it on. 'I wont hurt you baby but tell me if you aren't ok.'

'Please Pacey,' she begged as his hands trailed over her skin making it burn, desire coursing through her and directly between her legs. Kneeling behind her he slowly slid into her, 'oh god.'

'Pacey,' he reminded her moving out and thrusting back into her.

'Pacey,' it came out as a whimper as she rested her head on her arms allowing him complete access to her.

'You have the sexiest damned back I ever saw, I know I go on about your ass but these shoulder blades,' he traced patterns on them as Joey groaned.

'Pacey,' she moaned.

'Good girl,' he fought back his orgasm determined that she should come first.

'Pacey...Please...oh god Pace,' and she cried out, her body contracting around his cock sending him past the point of self-control and into oblivion with her. Collapsing against her he sought to even his breathing.

'Fuck. Shit fuck,' was all he managed to murmur.

'Such a potty mouth,' he heard her mumble and drew away from her helping her up from the floor. 'Can't stand,' she muttered gripping onto him and so he scooped her into his naked arms just to maintain the body contact. 'That was new,' she gave him a drowsy smile.

'New and good?' he asked.

'Oh yes, very good,' she was drifting off in his arms and it made him chuckle.

'You're such a man Potter.'

'Am not,' she sighed contentedly.

'I cant take you out there like this," he nudged her awake carefully.

'Why not?'

'You're practically naked,' he was amused.

'Just the way you like me,' she kissed his neck.

'Ok Jo, let's sort you out,' he placed her gently on the toilet lid and gathering her clothes carefully dressed her and then attended to himself.

'Do you think I'm high maintenance?' she asked sleepily now back in his arms.

'The highest,' he intoned cheerfully.

'Why?'

'Not only do I have to undress you to have my wicked way, but then dress you again,' he teased.

'Oh,' she sighed.

'And you're opinionated, demanding, control-freakish, stubborn, frustrating, adorable and loveable.'

'So I'm not high maintenance because I'm sick?' she asked as he placed her on the bed and then lay down beside her so they could wait for Bessie.

'Hell no. You're high maintenance because you're you!'

'I love you too,' she gave him a dreamy smile and began to doze.

* * *

A welcome home party awaited Joey at Grams. As Pacey pushed through the door with her stuff, followed by Bessie helping her sister there was a loud cheer and the sounds of party poppers. Joey wobbled on her feet slightly surprised, clutching her bear, Petal and then grinned at her family and best friends.

'What's all this?' she asked as Bessie helped her to a big armchair.

'A party for our friend,' Jen sat on the arm of her chair and put an arm around her. 'We've missed you.'

'Yeah we really have,' Jack kissed her cheek quickly.

'You look so much better,' Dawson appeared from the kitchen.

'Dawson,' she was clearly pleased and reached to hug him. 'Don't you have finals or something?'

'Some things are more important than finals,' he shrugged.

'Dawson you're talking to Joey. The girl that thought the world might end if she got a c-,' Pacey chortled.

'Ok to put your mind at rest I'm only here for a couple of days and I'm not going to miss any exams,' he explained.

'That's more like it,' Joey nodded and yawned.

'Told you she'd be tired,' Pacey looked at the others as if he'd won a bet.

'I think that's because you tired her out. Everyone knows what you're doing in that bathroom you know,' Jack teased, biting his tongue gleefully, watching as Joey flushed.

'I'll have you know I'm tired because I'm still convalescing,' Joey pointed out haughtily.

'And Pacey helps with the mental fight, isn't that what you tell your psychologist type guy?' Jen asked seriously.

'Oh shut up all of you,' Joey flustered laughing.

'Something about a little Pacey in you,' Jack began and she somehow found the energy to thwack him around the head, her cheeks bright red.

'This is not a conversation we should be having now,' she looked pointedly at Grams, Bessie and Bodie chatting at the other end of the room.

'Admit it and we'll leave you alone,' Jen told her.

'Fine, yes, ok, you're absolutely right, now shush,' she rolled her eyes and then caught sight of Pacey's smug grin. 'And you can wipe that look of your face Witter,' she scowled.

'It's the look of a satisfied lover,' he defended innocently.

'Ok guys this is more than some of us need to know,' Dawson protested fiddling with the video player.

'I know your looks Pacey and that was definitely smug,' she scolded ignoring Dawson.

'So maybe I am a little smug, can you blame me? You were there,' he watched her eyes fog over with the memory, a smug little smile on her lips.

'You're looking mighty smug Jo,' Jack told her helpfully.

'Ok, conversation over. Me and my sex life are not up for discussion,' she told them all sternly.

'Josephine Potter a girl recovering from such a serious illness should be resting not having that kind of life,' Grams interjected.

'She's recovering not dead,' Jen protested.

'Thank the lord,' Grams nodded. 'However, perhaps if you are going to have such a conversation you should not do so around me.'

'You cant fool us Grams. We know you like it,' Jen giggled.

'Jennifer,' Grams protested but no one missed the subtle wink between the two.

'I have a conversation change,' Joey said suddenly smiling brightly at Jens grandmother who smiled back. Everyone turned to her. 'I have an apology to make,' Joey began. 'I apparently broke an heir loom of yours,' she gave Jen a quick look and saw her friend fighting an attack of the giggles.

'Well yes now, but that was a long time ago.'

'But I never apologized,' Joey crooned as Jen almost fell off the arm of the chair.

'Joey,' Bessie scolded.

'There was a reason I didn't apologize,' Joey began as Jen slid helplessly to the floor.

'Jennifer,' Grams admonished. 'What's wrong with the girl?' she looked at Joey.

'She's the reason I didn't apologise. I think what's wrong with her is a guilty conscience,' Joey was merciless.

'Why on earth would Jennifer stop you apologizing?' Grams asked but Jens giggles were infectious and Pacey and Jack were succumbing, leaving only Dawson looking a little confused.

'Apparently...' Joey began but Jen looked at her grandmother through tears of laughter.

'I broke it, I broke it...I thought Joey would never get used to being my friend and you wouldn't find out,' she collapsed again.

'As I was saying,' Joey continued as if Jens interruption had never occurred. 'Jen told me you'd rather not talk about it because you were to upset.' Joey finished throwing Jen a look that made her friend laugh harder. 'To be honest, I was a little scared to bring it up.'

'I... I thought you were...' Jen struggled to speak. She'd thought Joey was about to drop her in it, not that she minded.

'You were meant to! Just getting you back for battling for my right to a sex life with your grandmother,' Joey blushed again and grinned.

'You think they've grown up but they're just big children,' Grams said helplessly to Bessie.

* * *

'Morning gorgeous,' Pacey plastered Joey's face with little kisses as she awoke from her deep slumber. 'Tea is beside you.'

'Mmmmm Pacey, here,' she pulled him under the covers, 'you stay here,' she wrapped her arms around him fixing his body next to hers.

'I'm only going to class because you make me,' he shrugged easily soaking up the warm silkiness of her body.

'Not true,' she told him still keeping her eyes closed. 'You're going because you love it.'

'And you love being right don't you?' he kissed her closed eyes.

'It is a hobby I'm fond of,' she moved her head to rest it on his chest.

'Talking of hobbies, Grams is setting up clay modelling for later,' he chuckled.

'I swear she's a one woman entertainment bureau,' Joey grinned. 'What do you want me to make you?' she asked and he leant forward and whispered what he wanted in her ear making her giggle and blush. 'I'm doing this with Grams,' she reminded him.

'Ok, ok how about an elephant. They're cute.'

'Elephants are one of the most dangerous animals,' she told him primly. 'Not cute.'

'Elephants aren't dangerous!' he scoffed. 'People ride them and stuff.'

'That's Indian elephants. you have to be careful of African elephants though, they're definitely not an animal you would ride.'

'So make me an Indian elephant,' he laughed.

'You know an African elelphant might gore you or even sit on your car if it feels threatened. I'd consider that dangerous. They're more likely to attack than a rhino.'

'Ok, I'll concede that they have big butts that might cause some damage, 'Pacey agreed. 'But they're still cute.'

'No you're cute,' she poked him in the ribs and he bent his head to hers and whispered in her ear again. She laughed again. 'I cant do that either - an elephant it is!'

'Prude,' he chastised.

'Pervert,' she slung back.

* * *

Grams and Joey sat at the kitchen table enjoying the feel of the cold clay in their hands. A row of five elephants sat in front of Joey, whilst Gram was manufacturing bowls.

'This is really therapeutic,' Joey murmured.

'I thought you might think so,' Grams gave her a pleased smile.

'How do you have so many ideas?' Joey asked, both women focussing on their projects.

'Things were very different when I was a girl. One learnt to do such things because there weren't televisions and movies available in the same way. I continued to learn because I found it filled a void,' Grams shrugged looking at her bowl critically.

'What kind of void?' Joey looked up from her sixth elephant.

'It doesn't matter how happy we are Josephine. We can have friends and family constantly around us and we can love them all, but if were not at one with ourselves there's always going to be a void,' Grams looked wistfully out the window.

'I don't understand,' Joey had forgotten her elephant.

'Sometimes we forget to make time with ourselves, to get to know ourselves.'

'But we're always with ourselves,' Joey pointed out.

'That we are, but that's not what I mean. If you don't take the time to stop, to contemplate, to really reacquaint yourself with yourself sometimes life can rush you along and you wake up years later and realise you missed out on doing some of the things you wanted. I find these little projects are a great time for constructive thought.'

'Constructive thought as opposed to deconstructive thought?' Joey asked.

'Yes.'

'I had a lot of both in the hospital,' she nodded. 'And I think you're right.'

'It's not about being right, it's about each individual doing what they need to do to make sure they're happy.'

'Are you happy?' Joey was still staring at the older woman who finally turned to her.

'Yes Josephine I am. Are you?'

'For the first time in my life I'm happy. I was happy in the hospital as well. I think it's Pacey. And you guys. It feels like I've been given a second chance and I feel determined to continue to be happy. I spent so much time feeling miserable when I was growing up.'

'You didn't have it easy,' Grams looked at her meaningfully.

'No, it wasn't easy, but I didn't exactly help myself either did I? I fought everyone that wanted to help me, including Jen. I was so busy defending myself that I forgot to be happy I mean truly happy, sustainably happy.'

'Let me tell you something Joey,' Grams looked at her and Joey smiled at the use of her nick name. 'When I was your age I wasn't very well. Not as seriously as you. I got knocked off my bike and I was in hospital with a leg in traction for almost a month. I grew up more in that month than I did in all my adolescent years.'

'You think I've grown up?'

'I think it was unavoidable for you and Pacey.'

'Poor Pacey,' Joey looked back to the elephant she was working on to find she'd inadvertently squashed it.

'Don't poor Pacey me. That boy is in his element with you and he's been happy to grow up. But I did have a point,' Grams began.

'Yeah?'

'You're both nineteen years old. Enjoy your youth. I was never quite the same after that stay in hospital. I was cautious and I sometimes feel that I missed out on things. It's not in your nature to miss out on life and it's not in Paceys but sometimes we have to remind ourselves.'

'I plan on living every day,' Joey assured her.

'You must remind Pacey to let you,' Grams said carefully.

'Pacey isn't my boss,' Joey scowled slightly.

'No he's not. But he's been there through every thing these last months. He's watched you, worried, cared and cried. He almost lost you and he'll be scared,' Grams smiled gently and there was a long silence.

'Thanks Grams,' Joey rested her teary eyes in her hands oblivious to the clay.

'Now, now child,' Grams flustered at her tears. 'Let me make us some hot chocolate to go with our cake.'

* * *

'What's going on Joey?' Pacey looked at Joey who was sat on the bed all dressed up. She was wearing a new dress that hid her thinness and a pretty green scarf.

'I'm taking you out,' she grinned. 'So dress yourself up.'

'Jo, you only just got out of hospital maybe we should watch a movie?'

'Yeah, sure Dawson,' she frowned at him.

'Jo,' he sat on the bed worried.

'I'll have you know Grams and I went shopping yesterday and I was fine so I think I can manage to take my boyfriend out.'

'Where are we going?' he asked caving, his hands instinctively on her.

'Surprise,' she tapped her nose. 'But look nice.'

'Don't I always?' he teased kissing her and jumping up.

'Pacey'

'Yeah?'

'You don't have to worry about me so much anymore. Let me worry about myself for a change,' she told him.

'I cant help it,' he was back on the bed beside her.

'Ok, well how about we worry about you as well?' she asked softly.

'Ok.'

'And we treat me like I'm living again, not dying.'

'Ok.'

'Now dress,' she grinned pinching his ass as he stood from the bed.

* * *

'You have to tell me where we're going,' Pacey protested pushing her wheelchair.

'Just keep walking,' Joey ordered.

'How much further is it? Maybe I'm tired,' he pouted.

'You big baby. We're practically there,' she teased.

'Where is there?'

'Here!' she gestured to the grand civic building.

'What the hell?' he stared at her baffled.

'In we go Pace,' she nodded to the ramp.

'Where are we Joey?' his mouth dropped open as he stared at the lavishly decorated entrance.

'It's a ball,' she announced.

'A ball?' he echoed staring through the building to a large room where people were milling and dancing.

'I bought tickets. I thought it would be a nice surprise.'

'What kind of ball?'

'A charity ball,' she took his hand as he moved to stand beside her chair. 'A cancer charity ball.'

'That's a brilliant idea,' he turned to her with a grin.

'You like it?' she asked pleased.

'It looks like prom only ten times more fancy!'

'And you can do fancy?' she smirked.

'I can do fancy,' his grin grew as it met her smile.

'Well come on then,' she pushed at her wheels and he took the handles.

* * *

'When are you going to ask me to dance?' Joey looked at Pacey frustrated.

'It's fun making you wait. You get this frustrated pout on your face. That pout is all the foreplay I need,' his voice made her shiver involuntarily.

'Pacey,' she implored.

'You're not too tired?' he asked.

'No.'

'Don't feel sick?'

'No.'

'You've had enough to drink?'

'If you don't want to dance with me you just have to say,' she looked away discouraged.

'Of course I want to dance with you,' he hedged.

'Then why aren't we dancing?' she turned to him.

'I really want to dance with you, but I don't want to hurt you, you know that. Eight weeks ago you almost died.'

'But I didn't.'

'But you could have,' he was staring intently at the floor.

'If I'm not allowed to live then maybe I should have,' she was angry.

'Don't say things like that,' he kicked his foot against the carpet.

'Why not? I didn't fight so I could live a half life.'

'Its only been eight weeks.'

'And who knows how I feel best? Who can judge best what I can do?' she glared at him.

'I don't want to push you Jo. I want you to keep getting better,' his words had a bitter twist to them.

'I'm only alive because you pushed me,' she stared at him shocked. 'What the hell do you think got me through the last eight weeks if it wasn't you pushing me, showing me all there is to live for? Why cant you do that now? What's changed?'

'I'm scared alright,' he shouted at her over the band.

'Scared of what?'

'I don't ever want to see your face twisted in pain again and I really don't want to be the one that made it so by being selfish,' he wouldn't look at her.

'Look at me Pacey,' she asked but he didn't move. 'Please look at me?' slowly he turned his head to face her. 'I will hurt again. You cant prevent that and you cant expect me to live in cotton wool. Part of life is pain and I'm looking forward to life and all that it entails. If I cant do something I wont and I know what I can and cant get away with. But I cant keep going forward if you're not going to come along with me.'

'What do you mean?' he blinked back tears.

'I mean just that. I got better because you pushed me. I have a lot of determination Pace but I'm tired. I'm so tired and I know you are too but I want to get back to a life I remember not this half-life. The thing is I cant get there alone. Please find the strength for the last step forward?' she fell silent and watched his contemplative face.

'Would you dance with me Joey?' he asked.

'I'd love to,' she nodded with a smile, allowing him to help her from her chair. Slowly they moved to the dance floor and stood swaying more than dancing. It was a start.

* * *

Pacey grinned and tried to not laugh as he struggled to get Joeys wheelchair into the house quietly.

'Shush,' she giggled behind him.

'I'm trying to shush,' he protested finally managing to fold the thing up.

'I'm so tired,' she fell against his back almost sending him flying.

'I'm not a rock Jo,' he protested turning to hold her in his arms.

'Yes you are,' she tapped his nose and held out her arms to him.

'You are one needy woman,' he moaned lifting her into his arms.

'You like being needed,' she kissed him.

'Yeah I do huh?' he smiled.

'I had a nice night. Did you?' she asked as he awkwardly climbed the stairs.

'I had a great night Jo. I have so much fun when I'm with you,' his eyes twinkled.

'That's because I'm a proverbial riot,' she told him seriously.

'That you are missy,' he unzipped her dress and lay her on the bed into the soft down covers and took a moment to stare at her. After a couple of silent minutes he began to peel her dress from her. She watched him as he peeled off her stockings one by one, his fingers tracing the revealed skin.

'Kiss me,' she looked at him with wide eyes and just like that he fell even more deeply in love with her, something he hadn't thought possible. Falling to the bed beside her, he kissed her with everything he had.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Shifting on her back Joey enjoyed the feel of the sun on her heavily sun-screened skin. Her eyes were closed against its bright rays making her lids burn red. She wore a large sunhat over her bandana. Although she had a short growth of hair she didn't like the way it looked and was keeping her head covered until it had grown longer.

'You lazy so and so. Falling asleep whilst I do all the hard work,' Pacey dropped onto the deck next to her after tying the wheel of the boat to course.

'I thought thats what a first mate was supposed to do?' she opened an eye behind her sunglasses and smiled at his relaxed face promptly closing the eye again.

'When I gave you permission to come aboard I imagined you'd be more help. Instead you're an extra obstacle to trip over,' he sighed in mock weariness.

'So drop me at the next port,' she shrugged easily entwining her fingers through his.

'Don't tempt me,' he looked over her golden body in appreciation. Her shorts made her legs seem endless and the bikini top was all too revealing. She'd finally put on some weight and though she was still too thin, she'd recovered some of her lost curves.

'Stop staring at me in that depraved way,' she teased.

'No,' he subconsciously licked his lips looking at the slope of her breasts.

'No?' she sounded taken aback.

'What exactly are you going to do if I don't?' he queried removing his hand from hers and running it down her chest and under the triangles of material satisfied at the soft moan she made.

'I could throw you overboard,' she suggested.

'I think you'll find I'm stronger,' he teased her nipple feeling it harden under his caress.

'But I'm more determined.'

'You know I don't think you really want me to stop looking at you,' he said decidedly. 'I think you like it.'

'Sure, my dream come true. Here's me and here's a piece of meat, spot the difference,' sarcasm dripped from every word.

'It's all in the taste,' he grinned and leaning forward he dropped the sails so they stopped their forward movement. With one last look around he dropped a kiss on her lips. 'Grade A,' he whispered softly.

'You really are comparing me to a piece of meat!" she was incredulous.

'Get over yourself Potter, and whilst you're doing that get yourself under me,' he rolled on top of her.

'Why don't you get over yourself,' she growled pushing at his chest.

'I did. Now I'm over you,' he grinned at her and she weakened.

'You think you're so cute,' she bantered no longer pushing him away, her hands running through his brown hair.

'It's what I've heard,' he winked moving himself against her.

'I suppose you've also heard that you're a cocky bastard?' she asked nudging his shirt off of him.

'I've heard you girls find that irresistibly sexy,' he pulled at the stings of her bikini.

'The cocky yes,' she arched herself into his hard cock. 'The bastard no,' she gave him a saucy smile.

'But I pull it off right?' he arched his brows enthusiastically.

'Only because you're really a big old softy,' she whimpered as his lips sent a shot of electricity from the curve of her neck to between her legs.

'A softy?' he chuckled at her choice of words.

'Oh shut up and fuck me,' she growled blushing.

'Because that would be a dream come true,' he grinned before he commenced with her command.

'Cocky bastard,' she managed before his lips consumed hers.

* * *

Joey watched Pacey as he stared out at the water. They'd pulled into a port somewhere around North Carolina and it was beautiful. Watching the sun set her heart beat with immense gratitude for the life she was living. Pacey was watching the same spectacular performance by nature but he looked so serious. His brow was pursed and his expression set, contrasting with his laid back posture and zany Hawaiian shirt.

'Barnacle for your thoughts?' she asked softly and a smile broke his sombreness.

'I was kind of back outside that hospital room,' he admitted.

'Must have been really tough,' she thought about Pacey on the brink of death and her heart ached sharply.

'You know I hated school,' he turned from the sunset to look at her and didn't look back deciding she was the far more spectacular feat of nature.

'You did?'

'I was never good enough. I wasn't a good student, I wasn't a good son, I wasn't even a good best friend to Dawson. I mean I wanted you, his soul mate. I used to loathe going to school and then I'd put off going home. I didn't enjoy Dawsons because that meant seeing you two together, another forum where I just couldn't seem to compete. But then I started to visit you at your house. Just you and me and I finally found something I felt good at. Then I fucked that up as well. I left for the summer and left you behind. When I got back it hurt to be near you and so I put some distance between us,' he watched her eyes, so full of sadness for him.

'I missed you,' she murmured.

'I knew you did but I was on a self-preservation kick. But after the summer following graduation I knew I couldn't be away from you, so I came to Boston.'

'To be with me?'

'To be near you,' he confirmed. 'And suddenly I was good at something again.'

'You mean Worthington?'

'Screw Worthington. I was good at being with you. I was good at looking after you, challenging you, angering you, loving you. And then you blew me away,' he looked down for a second and then back up at her.

'I blew you away?'

'Yeah you blew me away. I never expected you to like me back. To love me back,' tears filled his eyes. 'Suddenly I was with this girl, this amazing, extraordinary woman that didn't need me but wanted me and it blew my mind.'

'In a good way?' she asked.

'Fuck Joey. In an amazing way, but it was terrifying. I'd never wanted someone so much in my life and when I got you, when I got the girl, the feeling didn't abate or settle like I expected. I wanted you more and more with each day. Wanting someone that much is a really, really strange experience. Sure there were other things I wanted, things for myself. I kept a track on myself.'

'What do you mean?'

'You weren't an obsession Jo. You were a reality. You've never been an obsession that would fade but something tangible and real and terrifying and beautiful. I had perspective and at the same time none at all,' he chuckled softly. 'When I'd look at you sometimes my heart would just break.'

'Why?'

'With the thought that one day the dream might end.'

'Pacey,' she reached for his hand.

'And then you got sick. I can't explain what it felt like. It was like a ton of bricks landing on my head. Stood outside your room that day I've never needed anyone more in my life. Throughout the last four years I've wanted you Joey, all the little bits of you, good and bad, fun and annoying, but it wasn't until I was stood outside that room watching you fight to keep breathing that I realised how much I need you.'

'I need you too Pace,' she whispered and tightening their hold of each others hands they turned to watch the sun fall off the edge of the world.

* * *

'Barnacle for your thoughts,' Pacey grinned at Joey who was looking at the water the boat was chopping through.

'I don't want to go back to Capeside.'

'That can be arranged. I'm quite happy to spend eternity on this boat with you,' he grinned.

'I thought I just get in the way,' she grinned back.

'But in a very, very good way,' he winked and she laughed.

* * *

'Barnacle for your thoughts,' Pacey watched Joey as they ate dinner in a comfortable silence.

'Do you know how many barnacles I have?' she looked at him.

'One or two?' he guessed. Grabbing her journal she flicked to the back page,

'One hundred and eighty-two,' she informed him.

'You've been keeping count?' he bit his top lip uncertainly.

'Oh yes. With that many barnacles already I'm really not sure what I'd do with another one,' she gave him a cheeky smile and bit into another slice of pizza.

'So what else do you keep count of?' he tried to look into the book lying open which she promptly picked up.

'We've had sex two hundred and twelve times and I've had one hundred and ninety orgasms,' she told him officiously, 'You've kissed me down there two hundred and twenty times and I had an orgasm each time. I've kissed you there three hundred times and yes you came each time.'

'Really?' Pacey grinned at her in pleasant surprise.

'No, not really. Of course I don't keep count,' she thwacked him on the head with her journal.

'I knew those statistics couldn't be right,' he shook his head.

'Why not?'

'Because I always make you come,' he shrugged easily.

'You're so sure of yourself,' she looked amused.

'Well ok, so maybe once or twice I missed the mark,' he rolled his eyes.

'There's my realist,' she gave his hand an affectionate squeeze.

'But only once or twice.'

'True,' she conceded easily.

'So what were you thinking? There's a barnacle with your name all over it,' he shifted nearer to her.

'I thought I'd distracted very well there,' she protested.

'It was a gallant effort but not one that works with me toots,' he kissed her cheek.

'I was thinking about starting at Worthington in the Fall,' she sighed.

'You're not looking forward to it?' he read her sigh.

'Being a freshman again? Not so much,' she rested her head on his shoulder.

'You'll be ahead of the game,' he put in.

'And you'll be ahead of me,' she moped.

'But you do want to go back,' he pointed out.

'I know I just didn't expect it to work out this way.'

'Sometimes the unexpected things work out for the best,' he pulled her onto his lap wrapping his arms around her. 'All the freshmen will be impressed with your older man,' he winked.

'True,' she nodded.

'And you'll know all the professors,' he kissed her neck.

'I will,' she purred.

'And freshman year is easy enough that you can spend lots and lots of time with me,' he sniffed her indulgently.

'It is not easy,' she protested.

'Maybe not, but you wont have assignments for the first semester which means lots of time with yours truly.'

'To be honest Pace I'm getting kind of bored with you,' she lay contentedly in his arms.

'You wound me Josephine.'

'Really?' she was apparently unconcerned, 'You know maybe it'll be good to meet some new people. Widen my options,' she put his hand to her lips and kissed it.

'Widen your options? Now really Joey why try and improve on perfection?'

'Careful there Witter, you're sounding like Drue.'

'By all means try and improve on perfection,' he remedied quickly with a chuckle as she leant back so he could lower an upside down kiss to her lips.

'Maybe you're not so dull,' she granted. 'You have a certain charm.'

'That's what I've been trying to tell you,' he grinned as her head tilted back into his shoulder so he could kiss her again.

* * *

'I hate the end of summer,' Jen moaned from the deckchair next to Joey.

'The days are so endless and then when you least expect it they just end,' Joey mooned.

'Will you listen to these two?' Pacey asked Jack. 'You'd think we were heading back to school not the freedom and fun of college.'

'They just relish an opportunity to be morbid,' Jack explained. 'It keeps them feeling young and hormonal like the teenagers they're nearly not.'

'Keeps us feeling young?' Jen spluttered.

'Well you sound like you're still in high school,' he accused lightly.

'We're melancholy because we've had a very nice summer,' Jen explained. 'And whilst we anticipate great things this Fall we are also sorry to leave behind such happy days.'

'Check out the educated edge to her tone. College has made such a difference,' Jack spoke like a proud father.

'Besides which it can also be pleasant to wallow in a moment of melancholy. It strengthens the soul,' Joey added ignoring Jack.

'Joey's got it too which is interesting because she spent most of last year bunking off,' Pacey tossed her an affectionate smile.

'Bite me,' she glared but snuck him a subtle wink.

'Later baby,' he gave her a gallant wink back.

* * *

Waking up in Paceys arms Joey gave a contented moan and stretched.

'Morning gorgeous,' she whispered kissing his relaxed face.

'You stole my line,' he protested sleepily.

'We've got to get up, I'll go make tea,' she made to get out of bed but he pulled her back against him.

'It's undeniable,' he stated.

'What is?'

'We've been together to long. You're becoming me,' he grumbled playing with the short strands of hair on her head.

'Something woke me up - this is only a one time thing,' she giggled as his morning stumble tickled the sensitive skin on her neck.

'What would that be?' he asked pressing against her to show her how he'd woken up.

'Not that,' she blushed. 'I...well I've got period pains.'

'You have?' his eyes widened.

'There was a little blood last night but I didn't want to get my hopes up but then there were the pains,' she grinned at him as he laughed and pulled her into a bear hug.

'I've never been so pleased to hear about periods before in my life,' he chuckled into her ear.

'It's definitely a good sign,' she pressed her forehead to his where they remained for a few silent moments smiling at each other.

'So I guess that means I cant put a smile on your face for your first class?' he asked disappointed.

'Nope. But I can put one on yours,' she grinned wickedly and disappeared under the covers.

* * *

Strolling into History 101 Joey fingered her head scarf shyly. The professor gave her an enthusiastic wave and trotted over for a chat causing the other freshmen to stare.

'Joey good to see you back. How are you feeling?'

'A lot better thanks,' she smiled shyly.

'I'm glad you decided to take these classes again. I think it'll help get you back into the swing of things and at least the rest of these guys wont be strangers.'

'True,' she blushed.

'Go take a seat Joey. It's good to see you,' he gave her arm a squeeze and she headed for the seats, sinking into a chair next to a shy looking Indian girl.

'Do you know him?' the girl asked.

'I had him for class last year,' Joey smiled reminding herself to be confident.

'Last year?' the girl looked at her and Joey pointed to her head.

'Cancer,' she shrugged.

'That sucks,' the girl nodded.' My brother had the same thing happen.'

'Did he go back?' Joey asked.

'He passed away,' the girl seemed sad and apologetic in one go.

'I'm sorry,' Joey nodded and the girl smiled at her. 'I'm Joey,' she stuck out her hand and the girl took it.

'Kohinoor.'

'Are you from Boston?' Joey asked deciding that being a freshman again might not be so bad.

* * *

'How was my girls first class?' Pacey grinned as Joey strolled to meet him, a soft smile on her face.

'Everyone was very nice. I met a girl called Kohinoor. She was really nice,' she snuggled under his arm.

'So it wasnt too bad?'

'No,' she admitted.

'Well good,' he kissed her forehead.

'Are you still going out tonight with the guys?' she asked.

'If it's still ok?'

'Don't be daft Pace. You don't need to ask and it's always ok, I was just wondering whether to drag Jen and Monica out for a girls night.'

'I think that's a great idea,' Pacey smiled down at her. 'Jens desperate to have you out on the town again.'

'You're the best you know,' she gave him a loving look.

'Only because I'm with you,' he kissed her lips. 'We could skip lunch and head back to Grams,' he whispered in her ear his voice husky with intention.

'And what do you plan on saying to Grams. Don't mind us we just popped home for a lunchtime quickie?'

'Pretty much yeah,' he gave her a wide eyed look.

'You're incorrigible,' she chided and he gave her a big grin. 'Why not have some fun? Come on then but you do the talking.'

'I love you Potter,' Pacey told her reaching for her hand as they headed for home.


	18. Chapter 18

**This is the last chapter although I have a two part epilogue to post. I hope you enjoy this and the final two parts. Please review - feedback is always good to receive. Thanks, Tab.**

**Chapter 18**

'I don't think that went down to well,' Pacey grinned in amusement at Joey who lay in his arms naked, with a fresh sheen of sweat on her skin.

'Oh it went down very well,' she murmured.

'I meant with Grams,' he laughed thinking of Grams face.

'I didn't expect you to actually tell her we were here for a quickie. I thought you'd come up with some book we'd forgotten story,' she played with the few chest hairs he had.

'You had your hand down my pants Jo,' he defended.

'I thought she wasn't in,' she shrugged.

'I dont think she'd have brought the forgotten book line,' he shook his head amused.

'Maybe not.'

'Her face was a treat though,' he began to laugh.

'Just be sure you're safe Josephine,' Joey mimicked and chuckled with him.

'And don't you wear that girl out Pacey,' Pacey mimicked.

'Well what was she supposed to say?' Joey laughed.

'Have fun?' he nuzzled her neck.

'I think she did,' Joey moaned as his hand enjoyed exploring her body.

* * *

'You know what I think?' Joey leant on the table looking at Jen under lids lowered in drunkenness.

'What do you think?' Jen leaned forward in a similar state.

'I think we should crash,' she nodded seriously.

'We cant crash a guys night, at that point it stops being a guys night and our girls night out ceases to be a girls night out,' Jen laughed.

'Oh really,' Joey widened her eyes. 'And you're not feeling a little drunk and like seeing Drue?'

'Drue's there?' Jens interest was piqued.

'We don't know where they are,' Monica the most sober of the three pointed out.

'Parfouey,' Joey waved a dismissive hand.

'Parfouey?' Jen and Monica giggled in unison.

'It's a word Pacey told me,' she defended.

'And when did you start listening to Pacey about such things?' Jen pointed out and Joey stared at her for a long moment.

'Ok maybe I've been sicker than I thought,' she joked blankly making her friends laugh.

'Who's Drue anyway?' Monica queried.

'The most annoying and obnoxious man to ever live,' Joey detailed whilst Jen nodded.

'I thought that was Pacey?' Monica teased.

'Hmmmm good point,' Joey squinted in concentration. 'No, no...Drue definitely wins, though it is close.'

'And why do you want to see him Jen? If he's so obnoxious and annoying?'

'Same reason Joey wants to see Pacey. Drue is adorable.'

'Really?' Monica looked sceptical and Joey turned to her with a stony face.

'Are you saying that Pacey isn't adorable?' she asked coldly, eyebrows raised in question.

'No... I...'

'Because he's very adorable,' she maintained.

'You know I think Pacey's gorgeous. He's the perfect boyfriend,' Monica spluttered honestly.

'Oh so you like him like that do you?' Joey's insinuation was heavy.

'I...I no,' Monica looked at Jen in panic but Jen was merely staring at Joey in open mouthed admiration. Monica looked back to Joey and saw her friend laughing.

'Your face. You were really scared of me. I'm not scary. I'm a pussycat,' Joey sniffed her empty shot glass looking for Alex from whom she could order another.

'Oh a real pussycat,' Monica said sarcastically but relaxed again.

'Miaow,' Joey purred tugging on her head scarf.

'For goodness sake Joey, stop fiddling with it or take it off,' Jen muttered in perfect replica of Grams frequent reprimand. Joey stared at her in amusement.

'Sure Grams,' she grinned.

'Dammit, that wasn't supposed to come out that way,' she helped Joey straighten the pretty blue scarf.

'So are we going to meet the boys or not?' Monica asked at length as Alex brought them another round of tequila slammers. Joey gave him an appreciative smile.

'These are on the house. Nice to see you back Jo,' he gave her a little wink. It was Joeys first venture into Hells Kitchen and the staff had been pleased to see her.

'Thanks Alex,' she winked back.

'Where are the guys?' he asked.

'On a guys night out. I'm thinking they headed to Malone's but thats just a guess,' she shrugged easily.

'You have a good night Joey,' Alex charmed as he headed off giving Jen a small wave.

'And you,' she gave him a flirty smile.

'I'm telling Pacey,' Jen shook her head in mock horror.

'You flirt! I mean I knew you could flirt but I've only ever seen you do it with Pacey!' Monica stated.

'I flirt with lots of people,' Joey announced brazenly.

'Sure you do,' Monica rolled her eyes.

'Yeah, Joey Potter - so friendly to strangers,' Jen grinned, her tone wickedly sarcastic.

'I'm very friendly to strangers,' she defended then caught Jens eyes. 'As long as they're not blond and trying to steal Dawson.'

'Who's Dawson?' Monica queried.

'You met Dawson,' Jen told her.

'Blond, film-maker dude? Talks about himself a lot?' Monica asked.

'That's the boy,' Joey nodded. 'So I'm better at being friendly to strangers than I was.'

'But that wasn't friendly it was flirty,' Jen pointed out.

'I hate to tell you this Jen, I know you had a thing with him, but its ok to flirt. He's gay,' Joey whispered conspiratorially.

'I knew it,' Jen nodded triumphantly. 'But how did you know?'

'I have a very good gaydar,' Joey took her tequila and the other girls followed suit. After a count of three they were gone.

'You have a shocking gaydar,' Jen told her after a moment of wincing at the tequila taste and the bitterness of lemon.

'After Jack I sharpened it up,' she shrugged easily.

'After Jack? As in Jack McPhee? Our Jack?' Monica was flabbergasted.

'Oh yes. My second boyfriend after blond film-maker dude,' Joey hiccoughed.

'You dated Jack?'

'I was his loyal girlfriend when he came out,' Joey acknowledged ruefully.

'Jack has everlasting affection for her as a result," Jen nodded.

'Wow,' Monica seemed stunned.

'Had to sharpen up my wits after that,' Joey smiled. 'Probably why I went for AJ, a very effeminate boy,' she scowled.

'But Pacey is all man,' Jen pointed out.

'So nice of you to notice Lindly,' Pacey plonked his hands on her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

'What are you doing here?' Joey gave him a scathing look.

'See, who needs love when you can have vicious hatred and contempt?' Pacey chuckled and moved to kiss his smiling girlfriend.

'Hello Jenny, looking drunk and ready for some Valentine love,' Drue arched a brow suggestively.

'If you don't talk you're definitely cuter you know,' she told him.

'I repeat, what are you guys doing here?'Joey asked as Pacey sat beside her and slung an arm across her shoulders.

'Well a guys night out is just that - all guys. We got bored,' Pacey admitted.

'You got bored talking about cars, girls and sex?' Jen was sceptical.

'Because we weren't nearly bored,' Joey kissed him quickly.

'We were debating whether to go find you guys though,' Monica admitted.

'Oh so now the truth comes out,' Pacey grinned at Drue who was keeping very quiet and staring at Jen with purpose in his eyes.

'But we weren't debating because we were bored Mon,' Jen reminded the other girl.

'Why were you debating?' Pacey asked and Joey caught his ear and whispered into it. 'Oh really?'

'What did you tell him?' Jen asked worriedly, so Joey caught her ear as well.

'Joey?' Monica protested.

'Oh I give up! I try and be saucy with my boyfriend and everyone wants to know about it. I told him we were so busy talking about sex we kind of got to wanting to have some sex - cant do that with just girls,' she rolled her eyes.

'I beg to differ,' Drue spoke with a cocky edge and a glint in his eye. A quick look from Jen silenced him.

'The man has a point,' Pacey took over for him his eyes twinkling gleefully.

'You're such a pervert,' Joey frowned.

'And youre such a prude,' he teased.

'I am not,' Joey maintained. 'You know I'm not.'

'Have you ever thought about another woman?' he asked.

'Well I might have,' Joey flushed rather obviously.

'So you have!' Pacey whistled softly.

'Maybe I have,' she admitted drunkenly.

'And there's nothing perverted about it,' he grinned.

'No I never meant that there was. What is perverted is you and the joy you get from the thought.'

'It's a very entertaining thought,' Pacey defended.

'Bite me,' she scowled and turned from him. 'Pacey,' she mewled softly as he nipped the skin on her neck.

'Just doing as I was told.'

'Hey guys,' Joey smiled brightly as Jack, Sam and a couple of other guys from Worthington and Boston U pulled up chairs.

'I'm going to have to deal with you later,' Pacey growled in her ear.

'Counting on it,' she smiled.

* * *

'Joey,' Pacey nudged his girlfriend, the covers a tangle from the fulfilled promises of the night before. She was either completely ignoring him or still fast asleep. Joey hunny, he nudged her again.

'Grrrrrrrrr,' was all he heard.

'Love me,' he pleaded.

'Grrrrrrrr.'

Smiling to himself he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body flush to his allowing the soft short strands of hair on her head to tickle his skin.

'Somebody sounds PMSy?' he grinned.

'Somebody is,' she bit his chest.

'Ow,' he jumped in surprise.

'Well stop insisting on waking me up,' she growled.

'I think you're a little hung over,' he decided.

'Pacey,' she tossed his name at him like it was a swear word.

'I love you when you're like this,' he gave her an indulgent kiss.

'Leave me alone. Get out, I hate you,' she told him pushing his heavy body to the edge of the bed.

'You're so cute and feisty,' he continued unfazed.

'Grrrrr,' she growled and with a final shove he fell out of the bed with a satisfying thud. Rolling over she fell back to sleep.

* * *

Wrapped in her dressing gown Joey trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen where she sat at the table and let her head fall onto her arms.

'M'ning,' Jen, similarly situated, muttered.

'Hmmm,' Joey responded.

'We definitely fared betted,' Jack grinned at Pacey who was making coffee.

'Speak for yourself,' Pacey absently rubbed his ass and shot Joey a glare, disappointed that she was examining the table top very closely and missed it.

'I'm never drinking again,' Joey groaned.

'You have to,' Jen protested weakly.

'Why? I spent the last year feeling like crap I don't need to inflict it on myself voluntarily.'

'But drunk Joey is so much fun,' Jen protested.

'That I'll give you,' Pacey agreed reluctantly feeling the throb of the bruise on his butt.

'Yeah Jo why do you think we turned up? We couldn't stay away knowing you were drinking a few bars away,' Jack teased nudging a piece of dark chocolate under the arm of each girl. Reluctantly heads were raised, chocolate nibbled and coffee sipped. Pacey sat opposite Joey and glared at her.

'I think Pacey is a little grumpy,' she scowled at him.

'And why do you think that is?' he asked scowling back.

'Can't think. I seem to recall we had a lot of sex last night. Maybe you're tired?' she asked sarcastically making him blush at the memory. They had indeed had a lot of sex.

'Um..no.. I'm more pissed at being thrown callously out of bed this morning,' he chided.

'As I recall you fell,' she flashed him a quick, sweet smile. 'Clumsy boy,' she added affectionately.

'I must have been clumsy to fall for you,' he stared into her eyes giving her unspoken love.

'Oh absolutely you cheesy sod,' she nodded and then winced. 'I need a hug,' she turned in her chair and opened her eyes waiting for him to oblige, which of course he did.

* * *

'So, whilst we get you results from all these tests we've just done, is there anything you wanted to talk about?' Pacey, Bessie and Joey sat looking at Mr Singe expectantly.

'Um... yeah...Mr Singe?' Pacey asked.

'Yes?'

'Joey she got her period back...does that mean...well that she'll be ok to have babies?'

'It's a good sign. Definitely a good sign.'

'So how will I know?' Joey asked softly as Pacey held her hand.

'Normally when you try for a baby you'll find out. We can help to link you with IVF treatment when you're ready.'

'But that'll be expensive,' her face fell.

'We'll just have to save Jo,' Pacey squeezed her hand.

'But we still have years of Worthington to pay for. We'll never be able to afford it,' she sighed fighting the tears.

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it Jo. We cant know what the future will hold. You never know I might get a job on the stock exchange,' he bantered lightly.

'As if,' she sniffed but gave him a tentative smile.

'This is a common situation for those who have suffered cancer. I suggest you talk to women who have been through it. I'll get you the numbers of some local groups. We even have one that runs out of the hospital.'

'Ok,' she nodded. 'Thanks.'

'Look Joey, we'll have the results back in a couple of hours, why don't you guys go get some ice cream?' Mr Singe looked at them all, Bessie sat silently, Joey fidgeting, and Pacey, as always with eyes on Joey.

'It's October,' Joey laughed.

'And it's a beautiful day. I will see you guys back here, at, say 11?'

'Thank you Mr Singe.'

'It is always my pleasure,' he said sincerely as he saw them out.

* * *

'I'm going to go get some shopping done. Leave you two for a bit,' Bessie looked at her sisters lowered head and Pacey's concerned frown.

'Thanks Bess,' he muttered.

'I'll meet you back upstairs.'

'Bye,' Pacey called as Bessie left with a final look of concern. 'Come on sweet Jo, I'm taking you for ice cream.'

'But it's cold out,' she protested.

'Doctors orders!' he wrapped an arm around her and led the way.

* * *

'I know we asked way prematurely, and I know we have bigger issues i.e whether I'm still in remission but I still feel sad,' Joey admitted as they munched their chocolate ice cream.

'You have every right to be sad,' he squeezed her hand.

'What if we cant have children Pace?' she asked her eyes tearing up surprised to find him smiling at her. 'Why are you smiling?'

'You said we. What if we cant have children. That's why I'm smiling - because whatever happens we are in it together. We'll make it happen anyway we have to.'

'Really?' she seemed so lost that he moved his chair around and hugged her.

'Joey you're meant to be a mother. I know that in the same way I know I want to be a dad. When the time comes we'll try and if it doesn't happen we'll go to the doctor and we'll pay whatever we have to pay.'

'Really?'

'Of course.'

'How is it you know exactly what to say to make everything feel better?' she sniffed.

'I'm a smart guy,' he kissed her forehead.

'But if it doesn't happen?' the worry took her over.

'It will happen Jo, I'm sure it will. But for the sake of your peace of mind let me tell you that I would be happy with just you for the rest of my life.'

'Really?'

'Come on Jo. You know that. The simple act of just being in love with you is enough for me. It always will be,' he watched as her eyes watered up. 'Why are you crying?' he wiped at the tears with his thumb.

'Because you're so perfect,' she stuck out her bottom lip and he knew he had to kiss her. She looked so beautifully obstinate and tearful, so young and so full of life and so he placed his lips on hers. 'You taste like chocolate - you really are perfect,' she murmured as he pulled away from her and then she leant forward to kiss him again.

* * *

Pacey and Joey walked into Mr Singe's office holding hands, Bessie bringing up the rear. All three avoided the doctors eyes as they sat, scared to look up and see the results of Joey's tests in his eyes. He cleared his throat and Joey looked up and finally met his eye. He swallowed and looked down.

'I'm sorry,' he said softly.

'It's a rare type of cancer... I know,' she let go of Pacey's hand.

'I don't know what to say. I really hoped...' the doctor said.

'Don't go into the details,' Joey pleaded. 'I know I need to know it all but please, not yet.'

'I need you admitted tomorrow Joey. I would say today, but I think you need some time. It's not good,' he sighed. 'And I'm sorry, truly,' and taking Joey at her word he stood and left his office.

'Oh Joey,' Bessie grasped at her little sister, tears streaking down her face and hugged her soundly. 'This sucks, but we'll get through it. You've beaten it once, you can beat it again. Truly...' Bessie kissed the soft hair on Joey's head, then looked at Pacey. 'I love you Jo and I'll see you outside.' The door shut behind Bessie. Joey stood and Pacey sat, the silence deafening. After a few moments Pacey reached out and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers and holding it tightly.

'You can't make me leave. I know that was your first thought, but it's never going to happen.'

'I can't do it to you again,' she shook her head but he tugged at their joined hands and pulled her down on his lap.

'You aren't doing anything to me. You have crappy, fucking cancer. I hate it, but you...you I love. I think I'm always going to love you and I am going absolutely nowhere, and you can't make me. You can't,' a tear streaked down his face.

'I don't want you to go anywhere but I know it almost killed you last time,' she brushed away the tear.

'No Joey...you did the tough bit. It almost killed you.'

'Ok...poor choice of words. It's hard to go through it, but to watch you go through it? I think that would be worse.'

'It's lovely that you are so sweet and you are being incredibly sweet considering the news you just got and what you have to face tomorrow but Jo... I am not going anywhere. Not now, not ever. I will marry you this instant to prove it. I mean that.'

'I believe you Pace,' she whispered. 'I'm sorry this has happened.'

'Do not apologize,' he told her firmly. 'We support each other Jo.'

'I love you.'

'And I love you.'

'And tomorrow it begins again. I can't even bare to tell anyone,' she sighed.

'I'll tell them,' Pacey offered but she shook her head.

'No, together this time,' and tears sprung to her eyes. He pulled her in for a tight hug. 'Let's get it over with, they know we had the appointment, they will all want to know, then we can order take out, play games, make love.'

'Ok,' he kissed her softly. 'You are amazing.'

'You're better.'


	19. Chapter 19

**Epilogue - Part 1**

Pacey Witter stared out the window of his New York city apartment. The view wasn't exactly stunning, just a typical New York street but the snow swirling through the air made him smile and made it feel pretty magical. His favourite smell always had been the smell of snow. He opened the window and hanging his head out sniffed indulgently, the cold air rushing into the apartment.

'I thought I might find you like that,' Joey grinned at him slipping her arms around his waist and resting her body against his back, her hair falling over his shoulder and tickling his cheek.

'You should keep warm,' he murmured but neither of them moved.

'How are you feeling?' she asked softly, her lips brushing the skin on the back of his neck. The kiss made him shiver more than the cold air blasting through the window. Shutting the window he perched on the sill, her body resting against his.

'Well, now there's a question Potter,' he sighed although there was a twinkle in his eye.

'And the answer is?' she smiled.

'That would be a resounding and most definite nervous. And how about your beautiful self?'

'I think nervous covers it. Along with scared, terrified, excited...'

'It'll be ok?' he looked at her for reassurance.

'It'll be fine. I'm sure of it,' she nodded uncertainly.

'How about we take our nervous selves to bed and read ourselves a story,' he suggested holding her face tenderly in his hands.

'Sure,' she smiled brightly. 'How about we start something Christmassy?'

'Sounds good._ A Christmas Carol_?'

'The Charles Dickens boy strikes again,' she grinned.

'Tiny Tim just gets me here,' he told her and thumped his heart.

'You big softy,' she murmured affectionately.

'Now, now Josephine, we've been over this before. When it comes to you I'm no big softy,' the intent was clear in his eyes and she leaned a little closer to him.

'Maybe we can leave Tiny Tim for another night?' she asked softly.

'I think that's a great idea,' he chuckled, his hands running across the soft skin of her stomach.

'Love you Pace,' she sighed as his lips burned kisses onto her neck.

'That's cos I bug you,' he teased, moving his hand to tease at her nipple, satisfied by the long groan that came from her, a groan he swallowed with his lips.

'Is it wrong how much we still do this?' she asked a little breathlessly as her hands caressed the smooth hard stretch of his stomach.

'Oh it's very right let me assure you,' he winked at her as she slid her hands to his belt buckle, as always impatient for him. Sometimes she taunted him and made him wait but on other occasions she couldn't cope with game playing because she wanted him to much.

'What if the honeymoon phase ends?' she whimpered as he let her skirt fall to the floor leaving her in her panties.

'Then we'll get married and begin it all over again,' he whispered into her ear as he slid a finger under her panties and into her making her gasp.

'Pacey,' she moaned his name her head lolling backwards. After loving her with his fingers for several minutes Pacey removed them and began to tug her underwear down as her hands deftly flicked open the buttons of his jeans. Her panties fell to the floor closely followed by his jeans and he swiftly pulled her into his arms and carried her to the couch where he placed her, gently covering her body with his own.

'Anyone ever told you how fucking gorgeous you are?' he asked as his hands removed her top and bra, his eyes greedily absorbing the detail of her.

'Normally we focus on the fucking and leave the compliments till after,' she breathed in sharply as he lowered his head and kissed her between her legs. 'Pacey,' she tried to control her breathing as he teased her with his lips. 'Pacey,' she moaned again her hands tugging at him bringing his body to hers, allowing him to slide himself inside her.

'Oh fucking fuck,' he groaned as he moved slowly in and then out of her creating a rhythm that allowed him to press against her clit, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. And then she shifted, wrapping her legs around him and suddenly he didn't have as much control as she thrust her body upwards to meet his. 'Joey,' he tried to protest but she knew what she was doing and wanted to do it.

'Please Pacey,' she begged and so he let go, allowing them to come together in a blissful tide of ecstasy, falling against each other contentedly.

'I could have gone for longer,' he pouted after a moment.

'Believe me Pace, I'm the last girl you need to convince of your sexual prowess,' she giggled slightly, feeling terribly happy and terribly sleepy.

'True,' he grinned smugly and curled his body around her, neither feeling the need to move from the couch to the bedroom.

* * *

The bright winter sunshine woke Pacey. It took him a moment to realise where he was. Smiling he realised that he and Joey must have fallen asleep on the couch sometime after he pulled the blanket on top of them both. Wrapped tightly against his chest Joey was still sleeping soundly. Untangling himself from her carefully he slipped from under the blanket and pulled on his jeans.

Walking through to the kitchen Pacey stuck on the kettle and pulled out a couple of mugs and some peppermint tea bags. The tiny kitchen was kept immaculately, mostly thanks to his efforts and not Joeys. The kitchen was most definitely his space. Whilst Joey would often sit on the sideboard talking with him, he did all the cooking. She often moaned that it seemed unfair that he should return from the restaurant and have to cook but he loved it, loved to know she was eating properly and loved to see her appreciative face. In truth he didn't get much of an opportunity to cook at the restaurant anymore. Owning a restaurant was very different to working as head chef in one. He oversaw the menu of course, and the food preparation and made sure recipes were up to scratch but now he had other tasks that took him from the kitchens.

Tea made he headed back through to the lounge and putting the mugs on the table took a moment to sit and look at his girl. At twenty-seven she didn't look very different to how she had at eighteen, or even sixteen. Of course she was more confident, a little more sassy and she certainly had relaxed from the feisty fifteen year old he used to fight with, but she was definitely the same Joey Potter lying on their couch, in their apartment. He loved to think of the place as theirs. It was literally a dream come true to be living with his fantasy girl in a cool New York Apartment. She was writing and he was cooking, so they were doing what they loved and were with the one they loved. Jen and her daughter lived a few blocks away and Doug and Jack would visit often, which gave them stability despite the many friends they'd made since moving to New York after Joey had finally graduated.

Pacey was so proud of Joey when she finally walked up to collect her degree. She, more than anyone, had earned the outstanding award she was given. It was three years after his graduation but a lot of people had turned up to see her finally get the chance to don her cap and gown - they knew how much it meant. As Pacey stared at her he always appreciated how lucky he was, how close it had come. Joey had been so brave.

After starting back at Worthington in remission things had gone well for a while, but then they had the next check up. Mr Singe was clearly upset himself as he explained that the cancer was back. The Leukaemia cells were again present in her blood and bone marrow and in greater numbers than before. She was sicker than ever. Pacey would never forget how brave Joey was, returning to the hell of fighting her relentless disease.

The second round of remission induction therapies made the first seem easy. After weeks turned to months, and months became a year and after several remission induction therapies, when the stress living on the edge almost became to much for Joey and she actually wanted to die, well then they'd broken through and she'd finally gone into remission. It had been heart breaking and soul destroying but they'd laughed, cried and they'd done it together.

The bone marrow transplant had gone more smoothly, as had the consolidation therapy and when it was all over she stayed in remission. If he thought he had come close to losing her the first time, the second time taught him how close to death a human can get and still hang on and for how long they can do so. By the end of it she was barely recognisable but she was alive and getting better. Now it had been six years and that meant the cancer was unlikely to reoccur. The longer she stayed in remission the less likelihood of a reoccurrence. That didn't mean they didn't take precautions. They lived a healthy life and they took care of each other - they were happy. Pacey knew how happy they were. They went out lots, to the theatre, to bars, on walks, to museums, dancing in clubs. They'd catch a movie or go eat dinner. They saw their friends and people were constantly calling through. Pacey couldn't really ask for more. Well except for maybe one thing, he thought the nerves cascading into his stomach. Leaning over Joey he shook her shoulder gently.

'Hey gorgeous, it's morning,' he tucked a strand of long brown hair behind her ear.

'Already?' she complained, reluctantly opening her eyes.

'Yes already and as I recall we have somewhere very important to be,' he grinned sitting on the couch beside her, her arms slipping around his waist.

'Maybe we should just stay here?' she looked at him hopefully.

'No way in hell Potter. We're going to find out one way or another and this is the way,' he passed her the mug of tea as she sat up. 'I can't stand the waiting.'

'Always such an impatient boy,' she mused.

'Drink up, get showered, get dressed,' he teased softly and kissed her. 'And brush those teeth.'

'Pacey,' she protested and swatted him gently. 'Take your own advice.'

* * *

'So Joey how are you feeling?' the doctor looked at her kindly as she lay on the examination table. Pacey was stood nervously at her side holding her hand tightly.

'I'm feeling good. A little tired maybe but good,' she shrugged.

'Any bleeding?' the doctor asked as she felt Joey's stomach.

'There was a little but it stopped.'

'And how far along do we think you are?' she asked rhetorically looking at his chart, 'about twelve weeks?'

'Yeah,' she nodded.

'Well the scan will give us a far more accurate picture of how far along you are. I must remind you that at twelve weeks the risk of miscarriage greatly reduces but doesn't disappear,' she looked at her carefully.

'I know,' she knew only to well.

'I know Joey. I'm just reminding you,' he said kindly. 'How far along were you when you lost the other baby?'

'About eleven weeks,' she looked at Pacey who gave her a slight nod and blinked distinctly, his way of sending her a kiss when he couldn't just kiss her.

'Remember, just because that happened last time doesn't mean you wont go on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy this time. This is only the second lot of IVF and it's great that both treatments resulted in pregnancies. You can have more, but I know you both have a lot riding on it.'

'We've got no more money,' Pacey said quietly. 'This is our last lot for the moment.' He and Joey had chosen IVF over a house and a wedding.

'So lots of rest, gentle exercise, good food,' the doctor gave Pacey a wink.

'What about sex?' Pacey asked gently.

'I've told you both before, sex is fine. Maybe steer clear of the more exertive acrobatics but sex is fine,' the doctor smiled and picked up the tube of gel. 'This will be cold Joey,' she warned and smeared the gel on Joey's flat stomach.

'You ok?' Pacey asked her.

'I'm fine,' she squeezed his hand.

'The best advice I can give you both is to be positive, relax and enjoy what you get. Everything should be ok. There's absolutely no reason it shouldn't. You're healthy Joey and there's nothing wrong with your uterus, it's just the effect of the chemo on your production of eggs. You were wise to extract eggs when you went into remission the first time. There's no reason for this pregnancy not to carry to term,' the doctor pressed the scanner to her stomach gently.

Pacey and Joey stared at the screen. The hospital had good equipment and the ultrasound was clear.

'That's the baby?' Pacey asked his mouth open, a wide smile unavoidable.

'Is it?' Joey asked when the doctor didn't immediately answer.

'We put in three embryos, and from what I can see, all three have taken.' They had implanted three embryos on the doctors advice, they hadn't expected all three to survive, but given it was their last shot the doctor had wanted to maximize the chance of success.

'Is there room?' the question slipped out of Joey in her surprise as Pacey chuckled.

'Yes there's room,' the doctor smiled as well.

'Can you tell the sex of them?' Pacey grinned at Joey.

'It'll be easier at the next scan,' the doctor explained.

'Three?' Joey blinked and looked at Pacey.

'We can do three,' he nodded unable to stop smiling.

'Sure we can,' she laughed.

'It'll a piece of cake,' Pacey was blasé.

'Or three,' she quipped making him laugh.

'The scan puts you at twelve weeks and five days. We'll get you in here for regular check ups Joey because multiple births can carry greater risks, but you just keep doing what you're doing. From what I can see, all is progressing just as it should,' the doctor smiled at them both wiping the gel from her stomach. 'This is your due date,' she handed them a card.

'Thanks,' Pacey shook her hand.

'Yeah, thank you,' Joey shook her hand as well.

'This means an awful lot to us,' Pacey added a little gruffly suddenly feeling a little overcome.

'I know it does,' the doctor patted him on the back and left the room.

'Three my girl, Pacey laughed pulling Joey to him and hugging her.

'We're going to be out numbered,' she laughed as well.

'Oh god, I never thought of that. What if they're all girls? I'll never win a battle again.'

'You never do as it is,' she pointed out.

'You're right,' his smile grew.

'Jen and Jack are going to laugh their asses off,' Joey smirked.

'It'll be Dawson that won't believe it until he's shown proof!'

'We'll email a copy of the scan.'

'Now get dressed so we can go celebrate.'


	20. Chapter 20

**Epilogue- part 2**

Pacey leant his head against the doorway and laughed, unable to stop the happy smile from growing to outrageously large proportions. Inside the family room of the hospital maternity wing stood Jack, Dawson, Bodie and Doug all bent over three hospital bassinets, goofy smiles on their faces as well.

'You're going to be destroyed,' Doug whispered wisely. 'Absolutely destroyed.'

'Thanks for the words of comfort bro,' Pacey laughed softly his eyes never moving from the three tiny babies with their Baby Witter 1, Baby Witter 2, and Baby Witter 3 name labels.

'You're going to be having no sleep,' Dawson told him looking at the babies wistfully.

'No sex,' Jack sighed.

'No life,' Bodie added.

'You guys rehearsed that didn't you?' Pacey chuckled.

'Nah, not at all,' Jack lied badly.

'They're just so...so...' Pacey trailed off as Baby Witter 1 yawned.

'Perfect?' Jack filled in for him.

'Yeah,' he was totally, one hundred percent overwhelmed. His heart hadn't returned to its normal rate since they were born five hours earlier, in fact since Joey had gone into labour.

'They've got the Potter pout,' Bodie observed.

'Baby 2 has your eyes,' Doug grinned.

'And baby 1 and baby 3 have Joeys eyes. Just don't let them know the eyes make you soft,' Jack made a face that was wasted on the babies but not on Doug who poked him affectionately in the ribs.

'How's Joey?' Dawson whispered after a furtive glance at Pacey.

'She's good - happy!' Pacey moved to stand by the three babies. 'Currently surrounded by women I believe.'

'How did the birth go?' Jack asked.

'Fine. She was awake while they did the caesarean and was even making jokes.'

'Awake?' Jack paled visibly.

'She had an epidural Jack,' Doug grinned.

'Oh, thank god for that, but still...' Jack relaxed again.

'Let's give these little guys a cuddle,' Pacey suggested with raised eyebrows, keen to bond some more with his children.

'Are you sure that's ok?' Dawson queried cautiously and Pacey laughed,

'They're my babies, I say we take them to see their mommy,' he smiled.

* * *

'Hey sweet Jo,' Pacey smiled at Joey who was surrounded by Jen, Bessie, Gail, Grams, Gretchen and Monica.

'Hey Pace,' she held out her hand for the baby boy he handed her and Pacey turned to take his daughter from Dawson. He smiled at Doug who placed his other son in Joey's other arm.

'How you doing?' he kissed her forehead sitting on the bed beside her. They smiled as Bessie took a picture.

'Great,' she looked at him longingly, pleased when he put another impulsive kiss on her forehead.

'Oh they're just adorable,' Gail crooned and Pacey, a little reluctantly, passed her his daughter.

'A real gift,' Grams gave a finger to the baby girl Gail was now holding.

'Amy will be so pleased,' Jen quipped as Joey caught her eye.

'They're so amazing you guys,' Gretchen stared in awe at her brothers new family.

'Perfect,' Joey murmured.

'Yeah perfect,' Pacey agreed but he was looking at Joey.

* * *

'I'm really sorry about this,' Joey looked at Pacey and laughed. He had the triple stroller in the corridor with all three children cocooned inside. In addition to the stroller he had blankets, toys and a large bag full of diapers, expressed milk and other things deemed necessary.

'Don't apologize,' he murmured moving around the stroller awkwardly. Mission achieved he gave her a hug, smiling as she pulled a wooly hat onto his head.

'I'll be as quick as I can.'

'I'll save calling through the restaurant for as long as I can. It's the first conflict we've had since these guys arrived.'

'I know Bill needs a life, but it would be great if he could have made this appointment for another day,' Joey sighed.

'I don't mind, you don't need to mind. Bill is great and he and his wife have to sign the papers for their new lease today or they lose the apartment. He's sorry.'

'Ok, ok, I'm over reacting,' she smiled.

'You are. The guys at the restaurant love these guys.'

'I know, and Sarah could have asked me before making this appointment.'

'It's a big deal and it's ok,' he kissed her.

'I know, I know. We have to meet now to get the book out before Christmas.'

'Now say goodbye and get out of here,' he teased kissing her before scrambling back to the other side of the stroller. Joey bent over the stroller and kissed the children,

'Bye Alice, bye Jake, bye Owen.' She stood up and looked at Pacey who was apparently deep in thought.

It was true that things had been hectic since the babies were born. One has an impact but three meant things had gone crazy. The little room they'd planned on as a nursery suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea and they'd ended up moving into the small room giving the larger room up to the babies. There was also the expense. Three cribs, three bouncers, three times as many diapers, an expensive triple stroller and there would be more with high chairs and clothes. Not to mention the logistics. As a team they were fine, but when either were looking after them alone it became a logistical nightmare. They had to feed them in two rounds, change them in three rounds and then spend about half an hour rounding them up if they wanted to go anywhere. And when they went out they were literally babyfied. The triple stroller was great but sometimes it was just too big and they favoured the double stroller and one strapped on the front in a baby carrier.

The truth of it was both Pacey and Joey were exhausted, broke and extremely happy. They loved every minute of looking after their children and each other. Pacey had employed a manager, Bill, so he could spend a lot more time at home, something that the success of the restaurant allowed. Joey had finished her book before the babies were born but it was in editing and awaiting review. The time for writing her next novel would come but she took a relaxed philosophy on life preferring to enjoy motherhood.

Things had calmed down a lot, Pacey reflected as Joey smiled at him. The babies, thank god, had been born with his and Joeys ability to sleep and were now sleeping through the night which meant he and Joey finally had time together, finally had the energy for intimacy. A big smile took over his face.

'What are you thinking about?' Joey looked at him in surprise as his smile grew. 'You're so predictable,' she scowled.

'And last night was anything but,' he teased making her blush.

'It was nice to know that parenthood hasn't dampened that...' she gave him a crooked smile.

'I don't think anything could,' he shrugged easily.

'I'm going to miss you today,' she murmured pressing her lips to the warmth of his neck across the stroller.

'Well meet me at the restaurant for lunch. Don't just run off with the kids,' he implored.

'Sounds nice,' she smiled and tugged on her smart red coat and black scarf. Pacey stared at her.

'Doesn't mommy look beautiful' he asked his kids. 'They think so,' he told her.

'Sure they do,' Joey giggled looking at her three snoozing chi,dren and made to head off.

'Jo - breast pump and sterile bottles,' he thrust them at her in a bag he'd hung on the stroller so he wouldn't forget to give them to her.

'You are amazing,' she grabbed the bag and smiled. Looking down at the stroller Jake yawned and looked at her with his daddy's eyes. 'I'm glad one of the boys has your eyes,' she whispered as her son smiled at his mom.

'You say that a lot,' he looked at her.

'They're such beautiful eyes,' she shrugged easily and gave him another kiss on the cheek. 'Set forth young warrior,' she grinned and turning on heel headed down the corridor.

* * *

Joey laughed when she pushed through the door of New York's finest restaurant (in her opinion), the SS Icehouse. She couldn't help but laugh because it was so obvious what had happened. Pacey was clearly visible overseeing things. He was chatting to Tom, a new waiter, who was making faces at Alice who was staring at the world from the baby carrier he was wearing. Looking across the restaurant she saw Jake blinking from a baby carrier on Shala's front and Owen gurgling happily on Matt's front. The kids had clearly been vying for attention and thus distributed amongst the staff. The patrons were clearly amused.

Seeing Joey laughing at the entrance Pacey escaped the conversation with Tom and with a wide grin went to greet her.

'Hey sexy,' he kissed her cheek.

'You realise how silly this looks?' she asked with an arched brow.

'What's a dad to do?' he shrugged good-naturedly. 'Although I have a feeling theres going to be a picture in the paper...'

'All publicity is good publicity,' she kissed Alice's silky head and cooed into her daughters ear, 'Mommy loves you, yes she does.'

'Mommy needs to take a seat at the table so I can relieve the staff of her children,' Pacey pointed to Joey's favourite table, one in the corner with a view of the street.

'You're going to join us, right?' she asked.

'Of course I am. I need to hear all about your meeting. Find out how rich they think we'll be.'

'Of course you do,' her eyes shone.

* * *

'So things are going to get a bit easier now,' Pacey breathed in relief, very pleased about the advanced cheque Joey had been given.

'A lot easier,' she agreed.

'All we need is for you to write another book and then we'll be positively rich,' he gave her a cheeky smile and she rolled her eyes in response.

'Watch you financial ambition Witter. I thought we decided living a fun life was more important.'

'I have an ulterior motive,' Pacey gave her a smug smile.

'And what might that be,' she leant forward shifting Jake who she was breast-feeding.

'I'm not going to tell you,' he told her easily. Without even putting up a fight she leant back in her seat and shrugged.

'Fine, then I wont write another book.'

'Joey,' Pacey protested. 'You have to.'

'I don't have to do anything,' she pointed out gently removing Jake who had fallen asleep and covering herself. She passed the sleeping baby to Pacey and reached for Owen. 'Come on my boy, dinner,' she kissed him gently and cradled him in her arms whilst he fed.

'You look beautiful,' Pacey was momentarily caught off guard watching her be a mother to his children. It made him feel funny inside, as if the butterflies he so associated with Joey were having a party. She looked at his face, softened with affection and utter adoration and leant forward to kiss him.

'I give in, I'll write another book just take the look off your face,' she frowned and kissed him again.

'Why?'

'Because it makes me want to do things that I cant do right here,' she growled into his ear.

'Kinky girl,' he whispered back.

'Stop it,' she flushed crimson as he nibbled the skin at her neck and she caught an older couple staring in at them from the street. 'Pacey...'

'What?' he looked at her, a picture of innocence. She looked pointedly at the window where he turned to see the couple cooing through the glass at the babies. He gave them a broad smile which they returned.

'They do attract attention,' she mused wryly looking at her family.

'That's because they're cute as hell just like their mother, and very striking, just like their father.'

'You're so full of it,' she nudged him as he pulled Alice onto his lap beside Jake. He kissed them both.

'Yeah, pretty much,' he acknowledged.

* * *

A fire roared in the fire and the gentle sounds of Al Green came from the stereo. A small Christmas tree sat in the corner, lit up by fairy lights and covered in a concoction of decorations.

'Joey,' Pacey sat on the floor watching her as she lay reading on the couch. He had always loved to watch her and especially by firelight. He loved her so much his heart seemed to burst with it every time he breathed. Having a family with Joey had somehow completed him. She completed him. The kids, well they'd given him the kind of warm home he'd never had. He was exactly the kind of father he had always wanted and he found it so easy because he loved them so much. They were as different as he and his siblings had been, but Pacey loved that they were such individuals.

'Yes my love?' Joey peered at him through her glasses. The glasses had nearly been the death of him because they'd triggered some unknown secretary fantasy. It had been some time before he could let her wear them in peace.

'I wanted to ask you something?' he was leaning against the wall next to the wooden train set he'd been painting for the children's Christmas present. He'd read about such toys being good for fine motor-skill development and although they were a little young they'd certainly grow into it within a few months.

'What's that?' she lowered her book and smiled at him.

'The thing is...' Pacey paused for a moment.

'Yes?' she prompted.

'Well I was wondering if you'd marry me?' the words flowed so simply in the end. As if they were part of some everyday conversation, except that his eyes unexpectedly filled with tears that he fought back.

'Yes I will,' she gave him a megawatt smile and opened her arms to him. Crawling across the floor Pacey sat on the couch with her, the tears giving way to laughter.

'Well I'm very pleased to hear you say that missy,' he sighed.

'As if I'd say no,' she teased.

'Well I mean I didn't think you'd say no but you're a Potter, you're unpredictable.'

'True,' she acknowledged, 'that is something we're known for... is this why you want me to write another book?' she asked with dawning realisation.

'Weddings are expensive,' he winked.

'And I want a great wedding,' she agreed.

'I love you Joey,' he caught her eyes and held them with his own.

'I know,' she smiled.

'And?' he prompted.

'And I love you too. In fact I am completely head over heels in love with you,' she clarified with a wink.

'Head over heels?' he arched an inquisitive eyebrow. 'What does that involve?'

'Anything you want it to,' she breathed into his ear seductively, getting exactly the reaction she wanted as he moved in to kiss her, his hands wondering.


End file.
